Opinion Please.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mrshunzeker, Mar 2, 2008.

  1. mrshunzeker

    mrshunzeker New Member

    Well I have got to thinking about the whole idea of therapy. Yeah I can vent to my husband or sometimes my friends but that doesnt seem to help exactly. You see growing up in my house wasnt normal and my mom never gave it the chance to be normal. I remember admiring my friends and their families and how their parents treated them and always wished mine would treat me like that... you know the unconditional love no matter what type. Well anyways... I think I might have a taste of depression or it could be these feelings all bottled up and yeah I could let them out and my husband would listen but that never helps to get rid of them. I was thinking about getting in to see a therapist but I dont know what kind to see or if it would help. I need help with dealing with my mom and I think in the back of my mind there is an unconscience thought that I set myself up for failure. I just recently moved out of state away from my mom and all the problems and bad life there and came here to start a new one. I really want this new start to be a true new start one free of all the discouragement my mom has planted in my head. So I need to know what type of therapy would I need to get help clearing my head and letting go of all the bad and to get a fresh start? I honestly dont know where to begin.... Anyone who can help is greatly apprieciated! Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!
  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I would start by asking your primary care physician for a referral to a therapist. The types of issues you want to work on and the type of struggles, if any, you currently facing will determine the type of therapy that is preformed. Sometimes you just need someone to unload to, who is objective yet validating and can help you put things into perspective. Or you might find that you need help with rethinking how you react/respond to things and the therapist might tailor a therapy such as CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) for that.

    There are many, many different kinds of therapies out there and you and your therapist will determine what is best for you.

    Keep in mind that a therapist might be perfect for one person and terrible for another. If you don't click, don't be afraid to find another therapist. Most therapists, in my experience, will give you some names of other therapists for you to try. For example, one therapist I had I genuinely liked as a person, but we didn't click for therapeutic reasons. I tend to be very direct and she didn't know how to respond to that; it made her very uncomfortable.

    Good luck to you.
  3. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! Great idea! One of 17 kids?!!! Holy Crow, I thought we were crowded with 6!

    Your mom could have been the most supportive person in the world and I think I'd need therapy! lol!

    Seriously though...you've been through a lot and I think Heather hit it best with checking into a variety of types of therapy. And it's true also that sometimes you don't click with your 1st, 2nd or 3rd or more therapists. Keep tilting the windmill and someone will shake out that you'd be comfortable with!

    Check with your insurance to make sure you have covereage. If you don't, most areas have a Mental Health organization who can set you up on a sliding scale.

    Keep us up to date! We'll help you along the way!

  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I had mother problems too, and I found Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helped me to put all my issues into perspective. I liked that type of therapy far more than regular "talk" therapy in which I'd end up crying and nothing was really resolved--I just vented. But it's really in the therapist and what YOU feel comfortable with.
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I second MWM's Cognitive Behavior therapy and add EMDR therapy (if you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) it's VERY fast and helpful in most cases.

    And hey - GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! I mean it. To have lived and survived what you describe and know that moving wont' be the solution to your past but asking for therapy suggestions? I think you have it 75% whipped.

    I dont' know you but I believe in a short time you'll be feeling better about yourself, your situation, and learning how to let go of the past a day at a time. My therapist had me mentally shredding boxes of "paperwork" memories, thoughts, bad days - and I'm finally done. It only took 4 years to shred what I could -lol. I would like to have put my x in the shredder like you see the tree services do with branches - but that is another chapter in forgiveness.

    Congratulations - you're a very special person. And quite smart too!

  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I second Star. It takes a lot to know that this move will drag you down unless you get therapy. I also agree that if you don't click with a therapist you can ask for suggestions. It is a good idea.

    You also should check your insurance, and any Employment Assistance Program provided by either your company or your husbands. Our EAP will cover the first 3 therapy sessions for each problem. Also if we call, the first 3 with a new therapist.

    And, if you forget to check your insurance then you may be in trouble.

    One of the things, about your mom not letting life be normal, makes me also suggest Al-Anon. It can take time to find a group you like, but most towns have several. If alcohol or other substances were NOT part of what you think went on, it might be worth going anyway. Neither of my parents drank much, but I am the Adult Grandchild of an Alcoholic. It really made a big impact on my life without me knowing. And Al-Anon is wonderful. If your mom abused substances, then you might want to ask for Adult Child meetings. Also, there is a book called "The Laundry List" about being an adult child of an alcoholic. I was AMAZED at how many fit ME as an Adult Grandchild.

    Sending many hugs,

  7. mrshunzeker

    mrshunzeker New Member

    Thank you all for your support!

    Here is an update on my situation. My mom is talking to me again BIG SURPRISE! She is acting normal and I give it until I say something else that upsets her. I am limiting what I say to her though. I know it will not help me to let her into my life fully again. I will talk to her afterall she is my mom. But I am not going to let her gain control again and I am not going to let her put me down and make me feel my life is no good.

    I know this move isn't going to solve everything but my life was going down the drain where I lived. My husband and I both couldn't find work and were having issues with a place to live and everyone was negative. We had to get away from that at first it was to visit and meet my inlaws and now we are planning on staying permanently. Things have just been going better for us here we both are working and we have a secure safe place to live. We have only been here 2 weeks Thursday. I honestly think that is pretty good.

    I always set myself up for failure so I keep saying we will see we will see. I need to believe in myself and I am unsure on how to. I have a very negative outlook on myself and the things I do. I probabaly have issues and probably should go get a evaluation again. The first step is getting help right and admitting there could be a problem. LOL! Who knows we will see.

    Everyone here has been great! I really appriciate all the advice and support here. You all are AWESOME! Thanks again!!!!!!