Opinions needed

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by hamsterwheel, Jan 12, 2010.

  1. hamsterwheel

    hamsterwheel New Member

    After nearly a month of bliss, (honeymoon after hospitalization) difficult child had a meltdown last night after not being allowed to have a 2nd lolipop.

    husband was trapped in the bedroom for nearly an hour because she was banging and kicking on the door trying to get to the forbidden lolipops.

    Well she calmed down and I guess was saving her energy for round 2 cause she got wound up again after she asked for pudding and I said no.

    I called the emergency numbers I was given and did as they suggested and called the police, yet again. (we're waiting on Residential Treatment Center (RTC))

    She used her feeling chart this morning and put it on "feeling guilty"

    Knowing this, I asked her what we could have done that would have changed the way last night played out, with the ususal response of I don't know.

    I did ask for an apology, but don't think I will get it. Is this an unrealistic expectation?
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Not a one answer question. Depends on the child, depends on their level of stability, depends on the timing of the request, etc.

    Sounds like you and husband did all the right things though. Hope the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and some good treatments come through quickly.

  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    If your difficult child is so out of control that you are considering an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement, I don't think an apology is a realistic expectation.

    If she had cancer and cried all night in pain while you were awaiting a bed to open up at the Mayo Clinic, you would not expect an apology.

    We tend to separate emotional illnesses from physical illnesses, but to my way of thinking, they should be treated the same way.

    Hugs. I hope the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement comes through soon.
  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    When the tweedles were to the point of Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement I said no very seldom; I didn't expect an apology nor did I ever get one. The only time no was uttered was if it was a health/safety issue.

    Neither kt nor wm were in their "right minds". Couldn't handle basic requests like washing their hands; an apology would throw them off the cliff.

    At the same time, our crisis team & police were on alert about the situation at home & the nearing admit to Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

    You did do the right things. I'm just offering you a few suggestions until a bed opens for your difficult child. Don't poke the bear!
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I will add my vote that an apology would be an unrealistic expectation.
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I wouldn't expect an apology (right now) either. Somewhere down the road, when she has learned what she needs to do to keep herself in a better place, maybe then...but not now.

    And like Timer said, in my experience, dealing with difficult child's is very here and now. Every request has to be analyzed, every response option weighed, every possible outcome explored and weighted before the request is answered...if my difficult child is teetering on the edge, "No" is reserved for things like "can I play in traffic with a loaded shotgun?"
  7. Robinboots

    Robinboots New Member

    I have to say, "feeling guilty" makes it sounds not so bad...comparatively speaking, of course. And certainly I'm not saying it ISN'T bad, Know what I mean?? But if she's truly feeling guilt, I'd say that's a step.