Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by everywoman, Jul 19, 2010.
What is the definition of a cougar? Would you date a younger man? What age difference is too much?
My understanding of the term is a woman who dates men that are more than 5 years her junior. As far as dating someone younger, I think it really just depends on how great the age difference is and the life experiences of the two people and whether or not it becomes an obstacle for relating to one another. That's if you're actually interested in cultivating a relationship... and if not, well, as long as he's not jail bait, who cares?
Hmmm.....and why do you ask?? LOL!! You go girl!
I think of a cougar as someone who is predatory, not someone who is dating. And really, what difference does it make?
SO is 10 years younger than I am. I think it was a good thing that we had no "label" such as cougar back then to think about (although can't even say if I qualified as one of those back then at 44 cause I don't actually know when one becomes one of those) There are mature younger men and immature older ones. The only one it bugged my mother- to no end - when she found out I was dating someone she said "Oh, I am so glad, you need an older man to take care of you" When she found out his age, she had a look of horror on her face like I was one of the biggest child molesters on the West Coast ROFLMBO
At the end of the day, if someone is a gentlemen, is kind, goodhearted, makes you laugh and you enjoy each other's company, thats all that matters. We still joke about the age difference - I was busy having a baby and he was like...mmmmm....8 years old. We have other milestones,and still play the game like omg, you were in diapers still when....
There are some who still will hold women to a different status - you notice they never have come up with a name for a male version of "Cougar" ...well, maybe Sugar Daddy. But I don't like the word Cougar-its so demeaning like there is something bad about it.
Thanks Ladies---especially you Marcie---I don't like the term either---have just heard it a lot lately.
Right after the end of WWII, one of my French cousins married a woman who was 16 years his senior. They both died within a week of each other about 8 years ago. I asked him what he thought when he first met her and he said "if she were 16 years younger, I would ask her out!". Nobody used the word cougar in those days. I think our society has lost all sense of class. Cougar implies the consumption of the poor prey.
I thought cougar was something Hollywood made up for tv. husband is 11 1/2 years older than I am, and some days he STILL isn't as mature as I am. It is part of what makes life fun. He student taught in my junior high!!! It is stupid to make a big deal about chronological ages. The ONLY time in life where you are forced to be among people of the same age is when you are in elementary through high school. As long as he is not under age 18 it is nobody's business how old either of you are.
If you like, respect and enjoy each other, GO FOR IT!!!
At our age, who cares?
Marcie said it very well.
But no students, Ms. EW...
Witz, you crack me up!!
But I agree.
First, I hope you wouldn't allow some silly slang terminology sway you from dating a nice 'someone'.
A cougar, from what I understand, is similar to when a man dates a younger woman young enough to *possibly* be his daughter except in the case of a cougar, it's the woman who is old enough to be his mother. Think a situation like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. Her eldest daughter is only a few years younger than Ashton and even admitted to having a crush on him until her mom started dating him!!!! Ew.
Anyway, just don't do anything illegal but have fun!!!
I would date anyone who I felt a connection with. Happiness is elusive for most people so when you find it go for it.
I can't imagine having much in common with a much younger man(20 yrs) but you don't really know when you feel that magic.
The older I get the less I care for convention. Do what your instincts tell you.
Interestingly my boss and I had a conversation about this topic today. We work with a woman my age who exclusively dates men about 10 years younger. She just prefers the energy they bring to the relationship. Personally I prefer being the younger, prettier one in a relationship. Though if I were to date at this point and went older I would be dating seniors. Hmmm... perhaps young is the way to go.
Me too, ML. I always preferred older men. Which would mean I would be dating seniors, too. Anyone up for dinner at 4pm? Denny's has a great Senior menu...or so I'm told.
You all crack me up!
I dont think I will ever be dating again so this wont come up however, I think I would like someone around my own age. I cant imagine dating anyone my kids ages. Just seems a bit like ...ewwwww to me. Dont want to date my parents either!
I knew a girl back when I was having the boys...back when they were babies and she was maybe a year or two older than me. She was dating boys anywhere from 15 to 19. I was 24. I thought she was just plain gross!
Now if I actually had the energy to date, I suppose I could handle dating down to about 35...maybe. But no more kids!!!!
Doesn't look like it matters---haven't heard from him today----He is 36---I an 46---We had a date yesterday. I had a nice time---He was a gentleman. Did not even try to kiss me goodnight. But this stuff is all so new to me I can't read signals anymore. Ugh! Don't know if I am going to like this dating stuff.
Don't give up on him yet. You can always call him if you want to. Some of the guys I know still use the 3 day rule, you know, wait 3 days after a date to call so you don't look "desperate". I always thought it was silly, but I know men who swear by it.
EW, there is a local bar that people call the 'cougar bar' due to all the 40s women who go there looking for a boy in his 20s. I think 10 years younger is not qualifying for 'cougar'.
About the dating. You have to get the right frame of mind about it. Make it one aspect of your life, but keep yourself whole and busy with your own interests. Make it about getting out and having fun and not about 'finding love'. Less pressure. Less hurt.
With the right frame of mind I think you will have a blast dating again.
The only nice thing I can say about the term "cougar" is that it's a cat - and I like cats.
Honestly, at the end of the day, what does it really matter? XH was 7 months younger than I chronologically, but about as immature as they come. After he and I split, I actually dated a guy who was 7+ years younger and made XH seem like a child, maturity-wise (he turned into a good friend, we just couldn't get it going, Know what I mean?? LOL). And then there's husband - who is almost 3 years older than I am, and at times acts it, and at other times... Well, I've ranted about him.
I do not really think it matters what chronological age anyone is. I think what really matters is their level of maturity. Male, female - it depends on each person individually. And for that matter, the couple in question.
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