Oppositional Defiant Daughter

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lori, Sep 28, 2007.

  1. lori

    lori New Member

    Our 16 year old daughter is at UCI medication. cntr. now and has been diagnosed with depression and ODD. Our question is: Does a person with ODD know right from wrong? Are they capable of making the right decisions?
    Any help is greatly appreciated.
  2. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! Welcome to the crowd! ODD sounds pretty spooky and it is a pain in the butt.

    They know right from wrong, they just get themselves into such a tizzy that they get fixated on being right. Everyone and everything else is stupid (as per my ODD son!).

    Do yourself a favor: go get the book by Ross Greene called "The Explosive Child". Most people on the board like the book others don't but one thing is for sure: he gives you tons of insight as to what's going on in the ODD kids head when it comes down to meltdowns and tantrums.

    When you get a chance, go to the 1st choice on the Forum List and fill out a profile. It helps people answer your questions.

    While she's in the hospital, see if they do kids neuropsyche evaluations (these are tons of tests to check for a variety of diagnosis') and get them to do them.

    Don't panic - there are tons of people on this sight that are in the same boat - it may spring a leak here and there, but they're all really great at helping to dry the tears! :flower:

    Again, welcome!

  3. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I wouldn't make a blanket statement that they know right from wrong. That depends very much on the nature of any accompanying disorders, how close their perception of right and wrong is to more typical thinking, their age and developmental stage, and for older kids their own personal philosophies since that can very much factor in to where the line between right and wrong is drawn.
  4. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    aaaahhhhh Touche'


    I defer to the learned one! :smile:

    Thanks SRL, I guess I didn't think of it from that perspective!

  5. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Strangely enough my mother's and my views of right and wrong started diverging starting in my preteen years. By nature I was the more conservative one and I didn't much care for her (in my opinion at the time) liberal lifestyle. It didn't make for a very happy homefront. ;-)
  6. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Do they know right from wrong? Sometimes. Do they care? Not particularly. Their mindset is not that of the average teen. They KNOW that what they think is right. It doesn't matter what the rest of the world says is right. Their sense of entitlement is extreme even for today's teen. If they want it, they have the right to take it.

    Having an ODD child is difficult at best. When you toss in all the possible co-morbid issues such as your daughter has, you're looking at problems that can easily overwhelm the entire family.

    You've found a great place where you can laugh and cry, scream and vent, get advice, comfort and lots of hugs. Welcome!
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Do they care? Good point, Meowbunny!
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think a child without a mental illness would know and care. ODD doesn't stand alone very often and until you know what else is going on, it's impossible to know if the child knows right from wrong OR if he knows but just can't control his behavior. It all depends.
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Just my advice, but I learned the hard way, and have seen many others here go through what I did:

    Don't accept a depression diagnosis until they have conclusively ruled out bipolar. medications for depression alone send those in biploar into very serious downward spiral much of the time. A medication trial may be needed to see if it is bipolar. Bipolar up cycles can be overlooked or hidden, so it is very imprtant to rule it OUT before ANY other diagnosis is treated. This is becoming the standard for children and adolescent psychiatric care, but it takes docs a lot of time to accept it. It is so much easier t opush the prozac type medications.

    2nd point: ODD is RARELY a major diagnosis. it is a pattern of behavior that goes with other mental health issues. If you accept the ODD diagnosis and just work on that you may lose precious years that proper treatment could make much happier.

    While your daughter is being evaluated PUSH for a more complete evaluation from a doctor or team of docs you feel comfortable with.

    And 3rd (and most important): FOLLOW YOUR GUT INSTINCTS. Most of us have looked back and seen the biggest mistakes we made in parenting our kids happened because we ignored our instincts and followed the so called experts. The experts may know thier field, but we know our kiddoes. We live with them, sweat blood and cry tears over them. Deep down we KNOW if something feels wrong. And that is a clear sign to fight like heck to get something different going, even if the schoool or docs think we are demanding, mean, or off base.

    Just my advice. Please feel very free to take what works for you and ignore me on EVERYTHING ELSE. Laughing and pointing, however, should be shared so all can be amused, LOL!!!


  10. lori

    lori New Member

    Thank you everyone for your insight. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. About a year ago, she was at college hospital. where they diagn. her as having bi-pol. She's been on all kinds of medications to no avail. still in a big depress. They feel her acting out isn't mania, but things to make her feel good because she feels so down. Sneaking out in the middle of the night, doing things at work she shouldn't be doing with the boys, extremely defiant with us at home, etc. She's on Effixer right now and they're observing her beh. on that. If she becomes more stable or goes in the oppos. direction, which would then mean poss/problem. bi-polar. She was at UCI for 8 days. Came home this past Mon. and went back on Wed...she started cutting. Her reaction to things are so over the top. We just don't know what our next step should be. She may be coming home early next week and needless to say, we're worried. We have 3 other children that r being affected by this.
    thanks for lending your shoulders.