Oppositional. Defiant. Duckie.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tiredmommy, Aug 23, 2010.

  1. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Things got so bad this morning that I lost. I really lost it. I had an appointment and she was moving so slowly that there was no way that I would make it on time. I ended up going drill sergeant on her: wouldn't let her finish brushing her hair OR bring the brush, she didn't have time to wipe the milk mustache off her face or even brush her teeth, and I even made her walk to the car in her bare feet and put on her socks/shoes in the car (it was raining). She woke up at 8am and we left at 945. I was on her the entire time. :mad:

    She's been told that we will not deal with this garbage once school starts... she will be on that bus, on time, if she's still in her pj's and her hair is a rat's nest and I have to drag her up the steps. Not my problem anymore because she knows what she needs to do but chooses not to do it.

    I'm seriously considering changing her nickname to "Sloth".

    I have had a tension headache all day.
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    M has been experiencing pre-school anxiety that has been making her irritable and difficult to live with. Do you think that might be contributing to Duckie's behavior?

    Sorry for your headache. Hope you feel better soon.
  3. barneysmom

    barneysmom Member

    Hey TM.

    Sorry to hear about the bad morning.

    Hope your headache goes away soon and that you will be able to get a good night's sleep. You're doing good for your Duckie.

    I like your quote from To Kill A Mockingbird. I have a quote from that book in my sig too. I recently bought a copy of TKIM (can't believe I didn't have one) and also downloaded it onto my computer to watch whenever I need to. Atticus rocks! Very sexy too, I think. Boo rocks too, with all those lovely little gifts he left in the tree. Robert Duvall got him down just right in the movie. I never knew until recently that Harper Lee was close with Truman Capote, that he lived next door to her when they were kids, and that she based Dill on Capote.

    It is a good book to read when one is fried. Very steadying. My librarian friend recommended Lonesome Dove, and The Once and Future King when she needs "comfort food."
    Hugs TM
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    SW- Truthfully, I think she's ready for school... craving a routine and is "bored". She resented my chiro appointment (how dare I !!!) because it wasn't for her. Her need to be entertained is exhausting. Today & tomorrow were to be "down" days because we are prepping to go out of town for a few days. She continued into the afternoon until I threatened to rent a storage unit and pack up everything "fun" in her life. She knows I'd do it, too. husband called in the afternoon and I let him in on the day we were having so he came home and chewed her out good. She had a good long cry and seemed easier to be around after. Of course I can't just throw a switch and feel better so I get to continue feeling poorly.

    BarneysMom- Thanks for the vote of confidence... you never feel like you're doing okay on days like this. I love TKAM too... so much that is simple, right and true in the book.
  5. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    that poor little PITA!
    You deserve to lose it every once in awhile. I am getting very close! I just have to make it through our IEP meeting tomorrow.

    Hope your Chiro apt helped.
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hugs. I so remember those days. I remember a rainy day when Miss KT hopped out to the car because she only had one shoe on. There was also a very cold day in December when she did not have a coat on, because she had left every coat/jacket/sweater/sweatshirt at school, and I told her she needed to find them because I was not replacing them. I gave the school a heads-up so no one called CPS on me, thank goodness.

    More hugs. And some strength.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    been there done that many times with Wiz. Including the day I told him he was going to school NOW and I didn't care if he was in clothes, pjs, or naked. Of course he went straight to his teacher and told the witch (she truly was - she HATED me because PTA issues that I legally was required to do) that I made him stand outside all night in just his underwear!!! It was February, there was about ten inches of snow on the ground, and he showed NO signs of exposure, or even cold. I still got called up to school to "explain myself and my cruel discipline choices" because "a first grade child is incapable of lying about something like that" according to this teacher.

    I told her if that was true then we needed to talk about the cat she slaughtered and hacked up, then made the kids eat raw the week before. She was NOT amused, but it was something that Wiz told husband and I, and quite a few others. Wiz even admitted it to her - tried to get her to admit it in front of me. (Talk about funny - the look on her face when she told him to tell the truth and he told her he would if she would too was PRICELESS!)

    Let Princess DawdleDucks know that at X time she will go to the bus and if she isn't dressed, or brushed or whatever then you don't care. She will test you, but it will get better after a couple of weeks.

    Kids can be real brats, in my opinion. Teenagers are even worse.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry she is being such a pita! I think you handled it very well!
  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Deep breaths........in, out......in, out.....

    There. Now pour yourself some HMJ and sit and look out the window - see the sun? It is out today!

    Hope today is better! HUGS!
  10. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    difficult child 2 is the absolutely S L O W E S T person I know. When he is angry because he can't have his way, he is even S L O W E R (if that's even possible). Over the years, he has had to leave the house without a jacket, without brushing his teeth, etc...

    I think you handled the situation well. If she refuses to move any quicker, then she'll have to do without certain things - Natural consequences are the best!!!

    Hope you're feeling better and today is a much better day for both of you... Hugs... SFR
  11. ML

    ML Guest

    Understanding hugs and hopes that tomorrow is better.
  12. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I know your frustration. I have gone drill sargent on a few of pokey children as well.

    Piglet is pokey but not through any defiance. Especially in the mornings before her medications kick in, she is slower than molasses. She gets very confused when I yell at her to hurry up because she thinks she is moving fast and is shocked at the time. We have solved this problem by doing as much as possible the night before -- her backpack and coat is in the car, her clothes and shoes are in a pile on her dresser, she showers and does her hair at night. So in the morning all she has to do is put on deoderant, her clothes, brush her teeth and touch up her hair. She has 'morning chores' but those can be done afterschool if that little list takes longer than the 45 minutes we've allocated (yes, 45 minutes to do those 4 things is about right).

    And I did take Tigger to school in his underpants...twice...he thought if he stripped I wouldn't make him go to school. Ha!
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Awww....Im so sorry! I love Witz's name though Dawdleducks! Cute...lol.

    And...the reference to HMJ...made me think of something I hadnt thought of in a while. I dont normally go on the morning thread because, well, Im not a morning person! Mornings for me start somewhere around 11! Well, Billy was/is? dating a woman who has 2 kids (one is autistic) and she refers to her coffee as HMJ! He came home one day or out of his room or something and said something about the little girl saying something about her mommy's Hot Momma Juice! I was like...what? What did you say? Where did you get that?

    That mommy has to have been on this board at some point in time....LOL!
  14. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Thanks everyone.

    Totoro- The chiro appointment would have been more helpful if I weren’t so stressed.

    KTMom- I keep telling you that Duckie is a mini-Kt.

    Susie- “Princess Dawdleducks” has a nice ring to it…. :princess:

    Sharon- I hate yelling, especially at Duckie because she’s so sensitive to loud noises. I just can’t believe that there wasn’t a better way. :(

    Wendy- Deep breathing does wonders.:crazy2:

    SFR- Natural consequences rock.:singer:

    ML- Thanks… you give the best virtual hugs. :yourock:

    JJJ- Duckie had over 1.5 hours to get ready for school last year… and still ran late. And was defiant. We do what you do but she apparently enjoys having a banshee for a mother rather than a peaceful morning. :hammer:

    Janet- Thanks for the support… :D

    Today went a little better but she has absolutely no focus and needs to be continually re-directed. She also had a (minor) asthma attack before lunch, which I could have predicted based upon her compulsion to cut up paper into teeny, tiny pieces and string foamy wrap around her room.

    God help us all! :wildone:
  15. Jena

    Jena New Member

    sorry also, and i'm soo late to this one. wrapped up in my own hell lol.

    we go thru that everyday it's soo frustrating and it seems soo wrong when it's for you and they seem even more defiant. unreal at times. sounds like you coped extremely well as usual. good for you! we missed difficult child's first new therapist appointment today because she was up till 3 a.m. last night and couldn't wake today :(

    ahhh we should all write a book of experiences.......... dunno who'd buy it yet would be an entertaining book
  16. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I took difficult child 1 to school in his pj's more than once.

    But the time I made him walk to the car barefoot on frost because he dawdled with his shoes still makes me feel kinda bad. However, we never had shoe-dawdling again...so...

    I hope its not an on-going problem.
  17. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I thought y'all might like "Princess Dawdle Ducks" - not sure why it came to me but it did, LOL!

    My boys are both early risers, or were until the late teens appeared for Wiz. I solved thank you's am dawdles by allowing him to watch tv or play on the computer when he is totally ready for school - except for his coat. If he argues or cannot/will not stop at the designated time then he loses the privilege for the next day. For a long time I used reading out loud to him, but he discovered that a show he really liked was on at 7 and 7:30 am - and not any other time. It seemed like a decent way to get him ready on time, esp since the show he wanted then was cyberchase - a PBS show with a lot of math and science presented in a fun way.

    Don't beat yourself up for yelling. Not only does it happen to everyone at some point, it is also a fairly logical consequence, in my opinion. You drive someone nuts by repeating some behavior, they are bound to get frustrated and upset with you.

    Would it be helpful to use a timer for various tasks? Set it for 5 min to get dressed, 15 min for breakfast, 5 min to brush teeth, etc... When the timer dings she has to stop. If you combine this with a written schedule that uses pictures/symbols as well as words (picture of a clock with the hands at a certain time, the time written in numbers, picture of clothing and the words "get dressed", for example), and post it in a couple of places where she can see it as she does her tasks, it might make mornings easier for both of you.

    If there is a treat she likes in her lunch it could be used as a treat if she gets all her tasks done ten minutes before you have to go, just to add a little extra motivation.