Some rambling... Did anyone watch Oprah today? Toward the end...there was a mother and father with- their daughter who was pregnant on video. The daughter had experienced violence at the hands of her boyfriend. He is now in jail. The parents look stressed and exhausted. In the audience was a mother whose daughter was murdered years ago by her boyfriend. Oprah interviewed her years ago. She said something about the first family being too "controlling." I think the implication was that they were enablers. This caused the parents more stress. They (the parents of the girl on the video) talked a little about additional difficulties they had with the law, etc. Oprah stopped asking questions and was sympathetic. So much is going through my head right now. How with adult children...it's clear that enabling is a potential issue and needs to be addressed. The other is how many of us are stressed to the max. Most of us have been ostracized by those who have no clue of what we are experiencing. It's painful and isolating. The other day I spoke with my local rep. from Families Anonymous. I told him how for many years I've hestated to go to the meetings because someone else told me that the great majority of the parents there are dealing with children and/or adult children with drug problems. It is very high...perhaps;. My daughter is anti drug. I thought I would feel different...yet I understand there are definately commonalities. He mentioned that many of the "kids" are dual diagnosis. He said that they have a policy never to ridicule a parent. He implied that he understood my situation, thought there was much merrit to it, but also saw where improvements might be made (esp. with- reference to husband). This was said in a very subtle fashion. He reiterated over and over again that the group was very friendly and very supportive and that ridicule was not tolerated. I mentioned it all to husband...he said he would go to the mtg. I'm very surprised...very happy. When I saw the despair on the face of the mother and dad on Oprah...my heart sank. Perhaps the other mother was right...its hard to say. It was a very fast assessment. However, I do wonder if she could have said something caring and then used more gentle words to impart her message. If the parents had asked her or Oprah "Do you think we are enabling our daughter?" Then...a more direct answer would have been more appropriate...and better received. It was just too early and too direct and these parents were too raw to consider something like that. In addition, sometimes there is room for discussion and/or differences of opinion and by saying something in a very direct way...it implies that it absolutely has to be a certain way. I know I've been through much pain with this "stuff." By the time a person has been to this site...that pain can be intense. I'm not advocating avoiding the truth...just advocating awareness and kindess. So...I would just like to reiterate the importance of chosing our words carefully, to avoid anger, to watch for a direct question (s) and to be as gentle/kind as possible...esp. during times of great stress. I'm thinking about it all with- reference to my future posts. Hope this makes sense.