Ornery difficult child 1

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by gcvmom, Feb 3, 2009.

  1. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I forgot to pick him up from school today. I had easy child and difficult child 2 plus two extra kids here after school (their mom works with husband and needed a favor) and I had my mind wrapped up in husband's potential layoff, and the time got away from me. So difficult child 1 was calling me at 4:30 from the 7-11 payphone, irritated that I'd forgotten to get him (he'd been waiting 45 min). He starts telling me that I OWE him 2 hours of computer game time. Huh? I said we'll see about it if he gets his homework done.

    So I hurried down to the convenience store where he called from and he WASN'T THERE. I usually pick him up at the church across the street, so after asking at the shop and the hairdresser's next door (in case he popped in there to use the restroom), I decided to check the church parking lot. He was out on the sidewalk pacing and pi$$ed.

    I was annoyed that he wasn't where he called me from, and told him so when he got in the van. He laid into me about me forgetting him, and I told him that was inappropriate and out of line for him to speak to me in the tone he was using. He snarled back. I told him maybe he should have just walked home. Okay, I admit, it's escalating now.

    He then said maybe he should just slap me upside the head (!) That's when I just about slammed on the brakes. I told him he could forget about any computer or video time today and he could just walk to school and home again tomorrow and that his comment was waaaaay out of line.

    So now he's REALLY ticked.

    He's been pouting all evening. He came out after working on homework and started to turn on the TV. I asked if all his work was done, and he said yes. I asked to see his planner, so he led me to his room to show me and realized he still hadn't finished an assignment for a class he missed yesterday.

    By then it was time for him to eat, so he came out to the diningroom. Afterwards, he goes back to the couch to turn the TV on again. I asked if he was done with his homework (I knew he hadn't had time to finish the other worksheet). He went back to his room to get it to show me. Well, he'd filled in the answers, but didn't show his work (makes me wonder if he got the answers from somewhere else, but that's another story). I pointed out the instructions at the top of the page that he was to show his work.

    That just ticked him off even more. He stomped back in his room mumbling something about me being so stubborn and not fair. I can hear him in there playing with his Nerf gun -- it's a shotgun style and he's just playing with the bolt or whatever, over and over and over. And he still hasn't done the worksheet.

    Ugh. I hope he settles down. I hate it when he gets like this and I'm starting to worry a little about it. His "episodes" like this are usually at the end of the day, or when his medications are wearing off and I can see that it's happening again. I'm going to have to be careful this doesn't escalate into something really ugly with doors slamming, things being thrown, and him running off down the street for a while to cool off. It seems to be a pattern lately and I'm going to have to talk to the psychiatrist about it if I don't see a change soon.
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What a horrible day. difficult child does sound ornery. I hope he settles down soon. It sounds like you are handling things well. I would definitely be calling the psychiatrist. Hugs to you.
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hi GCV--

    I'm so sorry that you had a crazy day--and it's so awful to have to go through an angry episode on top of that.

    on the other hand--I can totally understand difficult child 1 being really ticked off that you had forgotten about him....I assume that you had apologized up and down about it when he called---but maybe he felt like you still didn't understand how upset it made him...and he tried to demand "compensation" with extra video games--which you were not willing to pay...and as the parent of a difficult child who flies into angry rages myself--I understand how emotions build up and build up until things "explode".

    Wish I had a good answer....sending you peace and support instead.

    Hope he settles down tonight and everyone can just relax...

  4. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Wow! Your difficult child 1 sounds alot like my Eeyore. Eeyore just panics if I'm not there exactly on time and now that he is a teenager I get the reaction you have described (when he was younger it would be tears and clinginess).

    With Eeyore, the psychiatrist made two changes that seemed to help - she upped his stimulant and had us give him PM medications earlier.
  5. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Wow. I remember my mom forgot to pick me up once and I was mad, but I didn't do anything like that. I was in elementary school when it happened, and my major difficult child horns did not poke up until I got my car and license, but then you had better look out. I was what the pschology texts call a "late onset delinquent".

    Hugs and I hope he chills out. I would call him a pita, though, I am not as nice as you.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I hope the rest of the evening went peacefully and he went to bed with-o any fussing.

    I also hope tomorrow is better. Sending support!
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    When I read the first part of this, it reminded me of a time my mom forgot to pick me up- for an hour. I was livid. I wasn't so livid because I had to wait an hour, then call her, (although I acted like that was why I was mad)- I was really mad because she forgot me. So, I was leaning a little in his favor until he started telling you that YOU OWED him- but he really put me off when he said he should slap you up side the head- especially after what I've just been thru with mine. He deserved to be punished for disrespect- a lot- in my opinion.
  8. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Thanks, everyone!

    DF, I did apologize, and I do believe part of his anger was being driven by a feeling of "abandonment", but the disrespect and demanding attitude really pushed my buttons. It's a good thing I wasn't PMSing or I probably would have left him there to walk home (klmno, I'm sure you can relate!) :p

    JJJ -- there probably was a degree of panic mixed in with that whole "abandonment" thing, too. He's got all the early makings for panic disorder, and it runs in the family. And his natural reaction to things like this is anger. Thankfully, he didn't hold onto it for too long tonight.

    He finally settled down and we did have a chat. He expressed how frustrated and angry he felt. I said that it was fine to have those feelings, but it was NOT o.k. to say what he did to me. Ever. I told him he was not in trouble for his feelings. He was in trouble for what he said. Then we talked more about better ways to handle these feelings in the future, and the dangers of letting those feelings take over, especially when he was there in his room with his toy guns. At one point he had come out and was pointing the laser sights on me and I let him know under no uncertain terms that it was never ever, ever o.k. to point a weapon at me, even a toy one (he's done this half seriously with kitchen knives before, but drops it the second I raise my voice or confront him). During our "chat" I explained how it was not safe for him to let his mind even go down that path with the toy guns and what it seemed like he was thinking. I said that if he lets his mind get in the habit of reacting that way to anger and frustration, then when he's older, and actually has the ability to access guns, it could get him into very serious and regrettable situations. I could see he was slowly getting it. And he apologized for what he said, and acknowledged that it was really a stupid thing to say.

    So, in all, things ended o.k. He got his homework finished. He accepted not being able to play computer or video games. We all watched House together (except for husband who went to bed, exhausted from the stress of the layoffs today), and he actually went to bed without much nagging (or, at least I should say he got ready for bed without nagging -- he's still up reading).

    This past weekend I pointed out to him that in about one year's time, he'll be eligible to get his driver's permit. And in the same breath, I said that he'd better show us a LOT more maturity and responsibility in the coming year if he expects to be granted that privilege of getting his permit. That's a HUGE carrot for him, and one I'm going to play to the hilt this next year to try to motivate him towards making better choices in his life.