OTE could you give us an update...or have I been assleep at the wheel?

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by DDD, Oct 4, 2012.

  1. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    It seems like years since I saw you posting. I've missed you and wondered about the kids. If you are willing.......I'd love to hear an update. Hugs DDD
  2. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    DDD, I noticed her post, too. OTE, catch us up on how things are going!

  3. OTE

    OTE Active Member

    Hi! No, I know you guys, you're never asleep at the wheel! LOL
    I actually did a really long update on the signature section which it then refused to take....by the time I got it to take something it would only take a few words... symptomatic of my frustration with this system now. Then I replied to one poster and.... anyway, haven't been here since. Think I've gotten the gist of where you both are by reading various posts. So here's my rundown:

    difficult child 1: 22 yrs old. got really badly into drugs. and I do mean bad, hard drugs. Was doing burglaries for drug money. living on streets. Was spending about 6 mo a year in jail. He wanted out of the life and couldn't get into rehab so did something stupid guaranteed to get him arrested. that worked and he was set up for rehab when judge decided to ignore recommendations and throw him in prison. So he did 2.5 years overall of which almost 2 was in state prison. Turned him around.. knocking on wood...got out 11/11. Some screw-ups since then but no major drugs or major binges. (I take progress where I can find it). few months ago ended up with drug dealers having 5 guns on his scalp threatening to shoot. That has had a major impact. Has been in and out of my house a couple of times since last Nov. "Borrowing my car without permission" in his words was the last time he got kicked out. Needed a cig so badly apparently couldn't respect my property. Still doesn't think he's an addict really. LOL. Been working at same kitchen job (got experience in prison) for 3.5 mo now about 30 hours/ week. Today bought a bomb of a car. Saving money for apt. Living with my neighbor. But here's the most amazing news... prison made him grow up and accept responsibility for his actions... not all my fault anymore. Matured probably 10 years in that horrid place. Never saw himself as fitting in there. Worked 60 hours 7 days a week to stay away from trouble. Most of free time reading books I sent... read as much as he could which also helped with maturity... never read books before as dyslexia is major problem. Biggest deal was that he and I are really close now. I went every week for visitation. 2 hours every week sitting at an empty table we couldn't get up from. He wanted a change of scenery and visit was it. We talked about books, his childhood, sub abuse, his bros,.....it was the best time I ever spent even though the drive was a nuisance. He says that after a year or so of this he understands me better than he ever imagined because now he sees me as a person rather than as just his mom. So we have a better relationship, despite his occasional stupidity, impulsivity,...than I ever imagined we would have. He consults me on all problems and sees why I make the decisions I do. He's always here if I call. That once a week visit (I was the only one who visited in 2 years) really made him understand that while all his drug buddies abandoned him the only one who was really there for him was me.

    difficult child 2: just turned 21. Living on couches here and there. Still acting like a child. won't really work. Hasn't worked more than one job ever and never gets more than 15 or 20 hours a week at min wage. Lucky if he makes $75 every 2 weeks. I have no idea how he's even eating (other than stealing food from my kitchen occasionally). But can't follow anyone's rules, including boss's. Convinced he knows everything and lets everyone know. Won't accept that he has a problem. Major learning disabilities coming home to roost. Wanted to go in Navy but couldn't pass basic entry exam. I get him accepted to programs and he wont go. So won't accept help with job or anything else. My mother refuses to give him the normal BD money or gifts in hope that it will turn him around. Been a week and he is not responding to any of us. Her point being that she's earning the money at her library job at age 88 working 25 hours a week while he's not working more than 15 hours a week and isn't even trying to do better.

    easy child 3: Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified My angel. Almost 18. third year of HS and could do 4 more under IEP. Don't know when he'll graduate. Best thing I ever did 2 years ago was push to get him in mainstream gym, reading and one computer class. He's matured a lot and social skills are soaring. Got lots of skills and could easily get job now. But I'm still pushing academics for now. He's always looking for kids to hang out with now. He wants to do all kinds of sports so I'm now running around to spec olympics a lot.

    me: got first job in years recently. After school babysitting for 5 yr old autistic boy with lots of behavioral issues. Happy with my calm happy home now. easy child 3 finally sleeps through the night with no bros coming in and out all night. Asthma is really bad. But have so many drugs that I haven't had an ER visit in years. Have to stay on Medicaid to get medications as one is very rarely given and hugely expensive. medication would be more than salary so full time job is impossible. Praying for Obamacare!
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    AWESOME to hear from you!!!!!!!!!!! I was just thinking about you the other day! Your difficult children 1 & 2 are close in age with Wiz, and I was wondering how they are doing. I am glad that difficult child 1 is doing so well! Prison isn't a good thing, but sometimes it can help a person see what they do not want to do with their life. I am glad it worked that way for your son and that you and he are so close now. I know your visits to him meant everything. I hope that someday your difficult child 2 will grow up and act like an adult. Until then, I am glad you are not supporting him. It is awesome that his gma won't give gifts because he is not really trying in life. She is wonderful!

    difficult child 3 sounds like he is doing very well. Have you looked into transitional services and the dept of vocational rehab's services to find ways to help him become ready and to live independently? NOT saying he needs to move out now, but there are often programs taht can help him become ready for this. It is great that he is still in school and can stay there up to 4 more years if he needs it!

    I am sorry that you have such serious asthma, but at least the medications work. It hoovers to not be able to work because then you would not be able to buy the medications. Just one more way our healthcare system is messed up, Know what I mean?? been there done that at times myself. It sounds like the little boy you babysit is a good fit for a part time job. I am sure his family is grateful to have you as finding appropriate care is one of the hardest things with having a special needs child.

    (((((hugs))))) and Welcome Back!
  5. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hi OTE! It's so good to see you!

    Wow...I am SO pleased to hear about difficult child 1. That gives me hope as you may have read by now that my young difficult child was sent to prison this year and is scheduled to be released to our home in December! I just posted part of a recent letter that young difficult child sent us...He "sounds good" but even he admits that the real challenge lies beyond the prison gates. You are a terrific mom for hanging in there and visiting, sending books, being there for difficult child 1. You never gave up OTE. And you've obviously made a BIG difference in difficult child 1 s life. He is so lucky to have you on his side.

    So glad to hear your home is calm now...
    Have missed you.
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the update. It has been a long time. Are you still living in the Carolinas? Wonderful that you Mom is well and able to work.....did she move near you? Do you still have the dogs or am I having a senior memory moment?
    Welcome back. DDD