Without going into any details, I found out today that somebody I had always liked has a secret child who nobody talks about. This child, a married adult, sent letters out to everyone in her family, including her sister she was once very close to, and told them all of them were never again allowed in her life. She has kids. She told everyone...grandmothers, aunts, uncles, mother, father, etc. that if they bothered to try to contact her at all or send presents to her kids, she'd throw them out. She wrote these short shun letters to everyone, which did surprise me. I thought this level of shunning...the letter...was cold and cruel and, after the secret was released to me and my husband, it seemed they were seriously upset about it. She was "difficult." Had always been difficult, in spite of having a great job and not getting into drugs and finishing college and not expecting anything from them. All anyone knew about her was silence of years. Now I know that maybe thirty years ago, or twenty, I'd have automatically thought, "What a creepy young woman. How can she hurt her family that way?" Writing a letter deliberately hurtful was not something I would have ever done. Doing a cut off that was like that...I did not do those things. They were done to me, although the only letter Ietter I bot was from my brother and I chose not to read it. My first reaction was "Oh, these poor people." Then I thought about MY family. I did not have the anger/hate to do this to them at a time when they still may have cared, if such a time had existed. Doing that would have not crossed my mind. It is why it was done to ME first. I started wondering why she did this. It doesn't come out of nowhere. She, by all opinions, had not been on drugs, or drank too much, and was not mentally ill (at least they seemed to be honest about her). She had always been a good student and hard worker. She had some fights with her parents, but that's pretty typical teen stuff. She didn't hit them or threaten them. So I didn't know her side or what caused it. Their other sibling was obviously the "golden child" and this one was the scapegoat. Maybe there was a valid reason she had cut them off that way. If I had not had all my intensive therapy nor these Chronicles, I think I would have just assumed this was all on her and that she was hurting perfectly nice people for no reason. And it could be the case. But I don't know why she did it. Because of that, I can't judge her or them. I am not the only scapegoat in the world. I have come to see that this is common and that younger people are not taking it, the way we did. Not always anyway. Unlike me, her family still loves her and wants her back, but they are respecting her wishes to not bother them. Maybe, in their hearts, they believe they had nothing to do with her actions. And maybe they didn't. That's just it. I don't know. I never automatically think "how mean" anymore. Although I doubt I ever had it in me to write such a mean letter to EVERYONE in my family, my grandmother included, it may have been better if I had done something similar to everyone else. But it just wasn't something that I could have done that way. But for all I know, this child was doing what she needed to do to live in peace. I wasn't there. I think some people don't realize what abuse is. Again, I have no way of knowing if there WAS abuse. But I do know my family thought they were fine and *I* was the abusive one. And that they refuse to listen to my side of the story and that's ok. I no longer judge other's family strife. I wasn't there. I don't know. Just my thoughts on a day that sent my "deep thinking" mind into overdrive. It was an nice day and a great get together and everyone seemed really nice and normal. But people put on acts too, don't they? Yes, I'm up!!! I w as asleep, then woke up and felt very awake. Yes, I had too much caffeine today at too late in the day Have a nice, peaceful, serene night.