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Family of Origin
Other people who are shunned and how it makes me feel
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 677352" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I will add one more thing to my description of shunning, which is the most important thing:</p><p></p><p>Who shuns wants to define the family or social group. It is the ultimate power tool, defining who is in and who is out. This is what Cedar's mother does when she glories that she can be the one to tells the family stories, and invents lies. Enjoying the manipulation of dead people's stories, when we are left scratching our heads. What in the world can somebody gain by telling lies about a dead person, we ask?</p><p></p><p>Like when my sister gloried in telling me she would not come to the memorial for my mother, because "they" would be having "their own" memorial to which I was not invited. </p><p></p><p>How convenient for my sister: Now that my mother was dead and out of the way, she would no longer be shunned. But I would be. I would be shunned from the true and proper memorial held by the true blood kin. my sister and her girls. </p><p></p><p>She was done with my mother, now dead. She could define her as she wished. She could elevate herself by "mourning" the mother for whom she had done everything, while shunning the sister who was responsible for all of the pain and shame in the family. </p><p></p><p>Shunning: Telling the story of who is in or out of the family. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Power. There has to be something here related to the idea of shame and decay. </p><p></p><p>Remember the book I mentioned? <u>Purity and Danger</u> by the anthropologist Mary Douglas. Being able to tell the story must be related not only to insider and outsider, and the power to define it. It must be related to the ability to declare what is pure and what is decadent or has gone bad or rotten. And in my family, it appears to be me.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 677352, member: 18958"] I will add one more thing to my description of shunning, which is the most important thing: Who shuns wants to define the family or social group. It is the ultimate power tool, defining who is in and who is out. This is what Cedar's mother does when she glories that she can be the one to tells the family stories, and invents lies. Enjoying the manipulation of dead people's stories, when we are left scratching our heads. What in the world can somebody gain by telling lies about a dead person, we ask? Like when my sister gloried in telling me she would not come to the memorial for my mother, because "they" would be having "their own" memorial to which I was not invited. How convenient for my sister: Now that my mother was dead and out of the way, she would no longer be shunned. But I would be. I would be shunned from the true and proper memorial held by the true blood kin. my sister and her girls. She was done with my mother, now dead. She could define her as she wished. She could elevate herself by "mourning" the mother for whom she had done everything, while shunning the sister who was responsible for all of the pain and shame in the family. Shunning: Telling the story of who is in or out of the family. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Power. There has to be something here related to the idea of shame and decay. Remember the book I mentioned? [U]Purity and Danger[/U] by the anthropologist Mary Douglas. Being able to tell the story must be related not only to insider and outsider, and the power to define it. It must be related to the ability to declare what is pure and what is decadent or has gone bad or rotten. And in my family, it appears to be me. COPA [/QUOTE]
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