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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 686429" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Welcome Kate,</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry for the pain and chaos you are living through. You ask if there is any hope for your family, my answer is this; I think there is always hope, however it must be tempered with reality.</p><p>We cannot change our adult children's behavior, we can only change how we respond to it.</p><p>When there are grandchildren it can complicate things. Many times our d_c's will use these precious little ones as a way to "control" us. (unless you do a,b,& c, you cannot see your grandchild) This is just cruel.</p><p>Your daughter holding onto to a past hurt and not moving on is very typical. My son does the same thing as do many of the d_c's we write about here.</p><p>For whatever reason they choose to blame us for everything that has gone wrong in their lives.</p><p></p><p>I suggest you read this article on detachment.</p><p><a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#axzz478wFtVJj" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#axzz478wFtVJj</a></p><p></p><p>We all can only do what we are comfortable with but we also have to take care of ourselves and our health. When our quality of life or health start to suffer because of a Difficult Child then it's time to step back and truly evaluate the situation.</p><p></p><p>One of the biggest lessons I have learned is to not allow my son to hold my emotions hostage.</p><p></p><p>I am so glad you are here with us. Others will come along and offer advice and support.</p><p></p><p>Please let us know how things are going.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) to you........................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 686429, member: 18516"] Welcome Kate, I'm so sorry for the pain and chaos you are living through. You ask if there is any hope for your family, my answer is this; I think there is always hope, however it must be tempered with reality. We cannot change our adult children's behavior, we can only change how we respond to it. When there are grandchildren it can complicate things. Many times our d_c's will use these precious little ones as a way to "control" us. (unless you do a,b,& c, you cannot see your grandchild) This is just cruel. Your daughter holding onto to a past hurt and not moving on is very typical. My son does the same thing as do many of the d_c's we write about here. For whatever reason they choose to blame us for everything that has gone wrong in their lives. I suggest you read this article on detachment. [URL]http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#axzz478wFtVJj[/URL] We all can only do what we are comfortable with but we also have to take care of ourselves and our health. When our quality of life or health start to suffer because of a Difficult Child then it's time to step back and truly evaluate the situation. One of the biggest lessons I have learned is to not allow my son to hold my emotions hostage. I am so glad you are here with us. Others will come along and offer advice and support. Please let us know how things are going. ((HUGS)) to you........................ [/QUOTE]
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