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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 686978" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I have suffered betrayal, too, by my son. The worst of it happened about 6 or 7 years ago. It feels like an hour ago.</p><p></p><p>When I think about it now I realize I gave my son too much power and I gave other people too much trust. Now I am very hesitant to involve myself with anybody.</p><p></p><p>My son talked to neighbors about me and his relationship. I was scapegoated and shunned. Most of it was lies.</p><p></p><p>My son did this for years. He is doing it less now. It is clear to anybody in his life that this has to do with him, not me or anybody else.</p><p></p><p>How I wish it was my fault and by accepting the blame he would be better and happy. How I wish it was this easy. It is not.</p><p></p><p>These are our children. There is no walking away but there is a way to find perspective. To find the simple joys in our lives or cultivate them. To protect and love your husband, and to respect him even more. To not accept the crumbs, or her conditions, her definition of happiness or family.</p><p></p><p>Define yourselves. Define your family. She chooses to accept your definitions, not the other way around. I may not have understood your post, but I would not allow her to shun her father, and continue a relationship with me. She accepts both or nobody. That is how I would respond. I would not accept her terms, however painful it is.</p><p></p><p>Take back your power. I will try too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 686978, member: 18958"] I have suffered betrayal, too, by my son. The worst of it happened about 6 or 7 years ago. It feels like an hour ago. When I think about it now I realize I gave my son too much power and I gave other people too much trust. Now I am very hesitant to involve myself with anybody. My son talked to neighbors about me and his relationship. I was scapegoated and shunned. Most of it was lies. My son did this for years. He is doing it less now. It is clear to anybody in his life that this has to do with him, not me or anybody else. How I wish it was my fault and by accepting the blame he would be better and happy. How I wish it was this easy. It is not. These are our children. There is no walking away but there is a way to find perspective. To find the simple joys in our lives or cultivate them. To protect and love your husband, and to respect him even more. To not accept the crumbs, or her conditions, her definition of happiness or family. Define yourselves. Define your family. She chooses to accept your definitions, not the other way around. I may not have understood your post, but I would not allow her to shun her father, and continue a relationship with me. She accepts both or nobody. That is how I would respond. I would not accept her terms, however painful it is. Take back your power. I will try too. [/QUOTE]
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