Our first test...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by witzend, Oct 14, 2008.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    As I wrote last week, M is doing well at his part time office job, and is working a second part time job at Game Crazy. He is several bus lines away from both jobs, so there is a lot of travel time and he wants to move.

    Yesterday he called husband at work about an apartment or room in a house. husband didn't talk to him much, but somehow M was supposed to call me. He didn't. husband called asking if M had, and when I said no, he told me I should call M, it was something about renting a room or a house. Let me just say that real estate is not cheap in our city, especially the closer you get to downtown. We're in Forbes' top ten hottest housing markets, if that gives you an idea.

    So, I called M, and he told me that he has a line on a 3,000 sf house for rent in the city, four bedrooms 2.5 baths, and he and three roommates could share it and would I go look at it and give him my opinion? I told him I would. But you know me, I had to figure out what was going on first. So I found the listing.

    It is as he describes, a very well maintained craftsman house with all of the built-ins. It's a 1 year lease, $1,900 security deposit, $35 per renter credit check (M has no credit, and had his phone turned off for lack of payment) with no listing as to what the monthly rent is. There is a "mother-in-law apartment" in the basement with separate entry that is already being rented out. The renter pays all utilities. They are looking for a "stable family or a group of mature adult renters who will lovingly treat the house as their home". The owner is about 250 miles away, so that's a euphemism for "you do all of the maintenance and repairs yourself or I will keep your deposit and then some." My gut feeling is that my recommendation is "no", and I'm not happy that husband has left me to be the bad guy (again) in this. Although in all honesty I don't think the owner would lease to M or his friends. He always has such grandiose ideas!

    So, tomorrow I will go with him to look at it, but husband is calling him today to get the specifics. I can't imagine that this place rents for anything less than $2200 a month. Plus utilities you have to figure it's close to $700 a month at base. Then if someone bails out on you in the year, you have to figure their rent/utilities due into yours. I looked at apartments and rooms to let in the area, they are small and month to month. He could get anything from $350 a month to $600 a month depending upon what he was looking for. I know for a fact that husband and I aren't co-signing anything or giving him any money towards this house. If he found an appropriate apartment I would be glad to help him furnish it with things from around here and from the goodwill. It was good enough for us, it can be good enough for him.

    I guess that I will leave it at talking to him about the costs, and is he aware of them, letting him know we won't go out on a limb for him on this, and seeing if the owner really is interested in renting to him and his buddies. But there is no way he is prepared for a 12 month lease on a nice house that he has to maintain. Maybe I will take my computer and look at his free credit report and we can go from there. I also have a couple of apartments in mind that I can show him. But, I know if he has made up his mind, that's his choice, and I can't change that. But he's on his own, there.
  2. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    You sound like you have a major handle on this. You are such an inspiration with how you give out the help (giving your opinion when asked) and yet stay detatched (not cosigning etc). Hope he finds something realistic to live in.

  3. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Witz, I think this is one of those "bobble head" moments. He wants you to say "it's a great idea". They don't really want the truth, they want you to agree. So ohhhhh and ahhhh and let the owner and M figure it out.
    Making a suggestion that all 4 sign the lease so no one person is totally responsible.
    I'm with you though. I can't imagine the owner is going to rent to these guys. I don't rent to anyone under 24 and who doesn't have a credit card on file. This is just for one week.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'd do the ohhhhhhhh and ahhhhhhhh thing while praying landlord has since enough not to rent to a group of guys who in general won't "lovingly treat it like their own".

    I did alot of bobble heading with easy child and sister in law with their house. Not that their credit was bad, because it wasn't. They just were getting started and it wasn't great. The only No I gave them was on loaning the down payment, which I asked easy child if she was temporarily insane, and co-signing which I won't do for anyone.

    I did offer a few pointers. Told them to take the new buyers class and pay attention. But on the whole stayed out of it. easy child had a major case of New Home Fever. I could've said it was a dive and she'd not have listened.

    I'd tell him to make sure all roomates are listed on the lease, point out the high rent and the fact that any maintenance will fall on them and leave it be. Then I'd slip him the list of more likely places without much comment.

  5. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    I agree, and I think you're handling it great, Witz. It's hard to imagine the landlord renting a nice house to four young guys; what a recipe for disaster (sorry, young guys!). The credit check shouldn't go through ... but .... my difficult child got all the way to signing a lease on a nice apartment just before crashing and coming home to detox in May, and that should never have happened. So I'd just stand firm on not co-signing anything, advise re having four names on the lease, advise re the equipment they'll need to maintain the house - lawnmower! snow shovels! rakes! etc. etc.! (depending on climate), and let it be. Maybe a word about how if the lease goes south, it could be harder to rent something else, about how utilities add up and have to be in SOMEbody's name, not all four, so who will get stuck collecting from the others? - all those things that none of the four will be thinking of.

    Good luck and stand firm!
  6. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Another one who votes that the landlord be the bad guy. Four guys with zero to no credit and minimum age earners are not what they are looking for. And, let's face it, the odds of one of them qualifying without the other three is probably nil as well.

    Do give him the advice that everyone needs to be on the lease. In most states, people who reside in the home who are not on the lease will be kicked out as soon as the owners find out about them and I'm willing to bet the people in the mother in law apartment will pretty much report anything out of line.

    So, do the nod and bob and wish him well.
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I can't take all of the credit, I learned most of this stuff from you guys. ;) husband did call him today and ask for more details. Apparently M had talked with two guys who wanted to join him in the apartment last night one was a "for sure" and one was a "really interested". They both called to back out today. husband asked him some questions about utilities and such, he was pretty naive about how that works. But, M had already decided that it was unrealistic to think that the owner of the house would rent to them, and was beginning to realize that keeping track of three roommates for a year was going to be more than he wants to deal with. M also happened to mention the apartment for $350 that I had looked up. He is thinking about that, but also thinking that maybe he should just stay where he is at until he can save up for an apartment that he really would like to be in. He is in the same place that we helped him get into last February, so that is really very steady. M says that he wants to try to save up 3 months salary as a buffer in case something goes wrong.

    I like what I am seeing. husband didn't ask M if he was going to call me to cancel going to see the house tomorrow. If I don't hear from him by noon, I will call and see what is up.

    I already had two appointments set for tomorrow, so looking at this house with him was going to be a stretch, anyway. I also feel like it would be more gracious of me to wait to sit and talk about mending fences with him until after he has had time to settle his living situation for himself. I'm dealing with the end of the fiscal year at work, and just started a new payroll program. Needless to say, I'm a little frazzled with that right now and don't have the wits about me (pardon the pun) to dive into my relationship with M right now. I'm still comfortable with taking it slowly. Five years of protecting husband and myself is hard to change, and I want to be able to really think about what is being said when that happens. But, I do want it to happen. husband and I have an appointment with our therapist next week. Maybe we will talk about it then. It would really feel nice to move on...
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Wow. It really seems like the maturity bug has bitten M. :D Sounds like he's been doing alot of thinking. And I'm impressed with that wanting to save 3 months worth of a nest egg.

    Although the reknitting of the relationship between K and myself is going smoothly, I still find that I'm being very cautious. Not her fault. Some of it is because it's just who I am. (product of my past) But also because while I want a relationship, want to support her, ect......I don't want to "mother" her. If you know what I mean? So I'm careful how I allow myself to "be" with her. And I do a whole lot of reminding myself she's almost 30. lol
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Lisa, you and your situation with K have been an inspiration to me. Albeit a horrifically scary inspiration, but an inspiration all the same. :p I feel like I have to move forward with this or I can't feel good about myself. I also feel like I have to keep my guard up, because it's only common sense. But I hope you know that I am with you on K, and watch with bated breath for your posts about what is going on. You set an example of poise and grace in this that I hope I can live up to.
  10. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Witz, I'm sorry, I replied to your update post and only after that I saw this one.

    Sounds as if you will reach the right decision together. I hope "M" will accept your advice.

    Love, Esther
  11. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Esther, I wrote on the other one, too.! ;)
  12. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    I'm glad that M reconsidered.

    Just a thought on the lease situation. Even if all guys had signed, the owner could still go after just M if there was any damage, unless your state prohibits it, or it is specifically written into the lease.

    Unfortunately, that is what happened with husband when he roomed with a few guys before we married. One of them began to drink and drug heavily and really trashed the place. He even decided to rebuild an engine (!!!!) in the livingroom(!!!). Huge mess.

    Anyway, husband got stuck with paying for all of the damage because he was the only one, after moving out, that had a job. The owner didn't care, she just wanted her money. So, she just went after the one who had some $. We were newly married and didn't have much and it really hurt to have to pay $3,000.00.

    Just another thing to think about with roomies.

    Though, I it wise on Ms part to keep saving his money. It's nice when they begin to realize that stuff on their own.
  13. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I was really glad that he reconsidered because of all of the things that could go wrong with him getting a place and renting out rooms! I was more worried about roommates doing stupid things than his doing stupid things. But I'm glad he figured it out himself because I didn't really point out the possibilities of his roommates being total flakes.

    It sounds like your husband's roomie was tweaking. We had to wait to move into our first apartment until the engine oil was cleaned out of the carpet... In hindsight goodness knows what kind of chemicals were in that place!