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Our homes...and difficult children
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<blockquote data-quote="Stress Bunny" data-source="post: 628802" data-attributes="member: 4855"><p>COM,</p><p></p><p>You are setting a very reasonable boundary in the face of some very unreasonable behavior on the part of your son. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I understand. We are having the same issues. I feel very uncomfortable when JT/difficult child comes to visit, and I also know the feeling of worrying that he may drop in. I especially worry that he will drop in when just Bubby is home and take advantage of the situation somehow. I don't trust JT.</p><p></p><p>Not only is it your right to protect your home, which should be your peaceful sanctuary, but it is so smart as well. You are a loving parent, and this is actually an act of love. You are showing love to yourself. You are also showing love to your son by teaching him how to treat you. You deserve to be treated with respect and love. He is not doing this, and it is not acceptable.</p><p></p><p>We get caught up in the "shoulds" sometimes. We "should" let our children visit whenever they want to, right? Wrong! Every child is different. We would certainly never allow a stranger to come into our homes and behave this way, so why do we feel so much more obligated toward our adult children? They are adults, not children. Visiting with you in your home is a privilege. Your son has abused that, and frankly, he should be glad that you care so much about him that you visit with him anywhere at all, in spite of everything.</p><p></p><p>When we told JT that he would not be allowed to visit unless he called a day ahead of time to check if it was alright, he initially pushed the boundary. He dropped in numerous times, unannounced, anyway. No surprise! He does not respect our wishes, only his wants. But, we stuck to our decision, and we did not allow him to come into the house when he just dropped in. The third time, he did call a day ahead before he visited. He got the message.</p><p></p><p>In the spirit of the way we wish things were, it may seem "harsh", but things are not as we wish them to be. So, you have to make the tough decision to stop the insanity right now. Keep your beautiful home peaceful and safe. Everyone deserves that. You deserve that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Stress Bunny, post: 628802, member: 4855"] COM, You are setting a very reasonable boundary in the face of some very unreasonable behavior on the part of your son. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I understand. We are having the same issues. I feel very uncomfortable when JT/difficult child comes to visit, and I also know the feeling of worrying that he may drop in. I especially worry that he will drop in when just Bubby is home and take advantage of the situation somehow. I don't trust JT. Not only is it your right to protect your home, which should be your peaceful sanctuary, but it is so smart as well. You are a loving parent, and this is actually an act of love. You are showing love to yourself. You are also showing love to your son by teaching him how to treat you. You deserve to be treated with respect and love. He is not doing this, and it is not acceptable. We get caught up in the "shoulds" sometimes. We "should" let our children visit whenever they want to, right? Wrong! Every child is different. We would certainly never allow a stranger to come into our homes and behave this way, so why do we feel so much more obligated toward our adult children? They are adults, not children. Visiting with you in your home is a privilege. Your son has abused that, and frankly, he should be glad that you care so much about him that you visit with him anywhere at all, in spite of everything. When we told JT that he would not be allowed to visit unless he called a day ahead of time to check if it was alright, he initially pushed the boundary. He dropped in numerous times, unannounced, anyway. No surprise! He does not respect our wishes, only his wants. But, we stuck to our decision, and we did not allow him to come into the house when he just dropped in. The third time, he did call a day ahead before he visited. He got the message. In the spirit of the way we wish things were, it may seem "harsh", but things are not as we wish them to be. So, you have to make the tough decision to stop the insanity right now. Keep your beautiful home peaceful and safe. Everyone deserves that. You deserve that. [/QUOTE]
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