Ok one on gen. parenting and one here…situation two…IEP/BIP issue Since the suspension last week I sent an email asking for an agenda item to be added to our planning/review meeting. 1. We need to review the agreement about when to call me (mom) and when difficult child needs to actually go home (suspension) 2. Those times (as we all agreed long long ago) are if he is not responding to the BIP …or he is hurting others in a serious way 3. If he is to learn to use this zone regulation method…he has to be able to have chances to come back to green zone once he is in red zone. If he then gets punished a day later for doing what we are telling him it is GOOD to do, then he is going to either get too anxious /worried that we are back to the suspension thing (always increases his behaviors and admin NEVER sees the pattern) or is going to give up trying (and he is now verbal enough to have said, I am not going to even try. You are all just lying anyway, I am still going to get in trouble so I am NOT going to calm down….etc. ) Now, not that he doesn't get a consequence…but it is immediate and related to the situation. Those big ALL or NONE consequence programs have driven him to near insanity. We tried it so it is not like I'm saying oooo my poor baby, don't punish him….He has punishments by virtue of not earning rewards or losing chances to do things ALL day every day. At least this way we are making progress and behaviors are decreasing, not increasing I'm terrified this principal is going to undo all that we are doing. Also that his agenda is to not have difficult child in his school. Fortunately the sp. ed coordinator for the district told him in front of the whole team …THAT would have to be an IEP driven decision. I am hoping she meant that and will not cave. I ask if everyone agrees….all say yes but I see hesitation in Mr Admin-sp ed (the guy that does discipline with sp. needs kids) and I call him on it and he says well I have to answer to the principals concerns too. I express my concerns again and they all agree so mr Admin says ok then we need to say if it is only one little slap or whatever we will count them and everyone will be the same (so lame, people can tell if it is a dangerous out of control thing, trust your highly trained staff!)…I say, we can't arbitrarily add another criteria level to the plan. It makes no sense. If we want to change the definition of success to being number of touches goes down then we need to get a baseline of that first then systematically decrease it. We already have a measurement tool and it is to see how many times he can get back into green. Also measuring 'on task' behavior. (which would be green zone behaviors anyway). I let them all know I am very very concerned that this plan that so many professionals have created, trained staff on, trained difficult child on, that we have spread to out of school settings, etc. is going to be derailed because ONE person is not seeing the light. I keep rewording what I want to say and do over and over. Now I am the obsessive/perseverative one I plan to call our advocate again…haven't needed her in a while but I think if we start now then if we get pushed against the wall we will be better prepared. Just breathe.