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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 36354" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p>Hi Coleen. I can say without a doubt that without counselling for myself and my beloved wife, we would never have seen the limited progress our difficult child has made.</p><p></p><p>To be sure, our marriage was aready in that "what's going on phase" that happens after 20 years or so. But the sudden onset of difficult child-itis last year nearly pushed us over the edge. At first, I was the only one going, and worried that my marriage would disolve. But it was all I could do to keep myself together, and <strong>someone</strong> needed to keep a somewhat clear head to navigate these new waters.</p><p></p><p>I got the help, and it only put me more at odds with wife. Eventually, though, during a third-party evaluation of our son where we were both present, we first heard about ODD (doctor called it "reflexive rebellion"), and that the best way to work with ODD kids was to address issues while avoiding their triggers. wife couldn't do that, so she sought help as well. I can honestly say that we now function as a team, and it's helped our son, our relationship, and our overall family.</p><p></p><p>Now, if you ask my other kids, we're more like a "tag-team" because we each have our up and down days, but usually not at the same time.</p><p></p><p>So yes, we get counselling. Yes, it was needed for both our sanity, and to help us learn that our own actions (or reactions) could be used against us by our difficult child. Lucky for me, my therapist happens to also be my son's therapist. This allows him to work with both of us, individually and together, to try and address the biggest issues. He often acts as a neutral party, mediating between the two parties (sounds crazy I know, but I have another post about the fact that there is no more parent/child relationship with our difficult child, so we have to deal with him as an adult - even though he isn't one). </p><p></p><p>Since I was a major difficult child myself, I guess this is also the therapy I needed but never got.</p><p></p><p>Lots of words, but the end result is that therapy helps us; without it, I can't imagine where our lives might be right now.</p><p></p><p>Peace and grace to you and yours.</p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 36354, member: 3579"] Hi Coleen. I can say without a doubt that without counselling for myself and my beloved wife, we would never have seen the limited progress our difficult child has made. To be sure, our marriage was aready in that "what's going on phase" that happens after 20 years or so. But the sudden onset of difficult child-itis last year nearly pushed us over the edge. At first, I was the only one going, and worried that my marriage would disolve. But it was all I could do to keep myself together, and [B]someone[/B] needed to keep a somewhat clear head to navigate these new waters. I got the help, and it only put me more at odds with wife. Eventually, though, during a third-party evaluation of our son where we were both present, we first heard about ODD (doctor called it "reflexive rebellion"), and that the best way to work with ODD kids was to address issues while avoiding their triggers. wife couldn't do that, so she sought help as well. I can honestly say that we now function as a team, and it's helped our son, our relationship, and our overall family. Now, if you ask my other kids, we're more like a "tag-team" because we each have our up and down days, but usually not at the same time. So yes, we get counselling. Yes, it was needed for both our sanity, and to help us learn that our own actions (or reactions) could be used against us by our difficult child. Lucky for me, my therapist happens to also be my son's therapist. This allows him to work with both of us, individually and together, to try and address the biggest issues. He often acts as a neutral party, mediating between the two parties (sounds crazy I know, but I have another post about the fact that there is no more parent/child relationship with our difficult child, so we have to deal with him as an adult - even though he isn't one). Since I was a major difficult child myself, I guess this is also the therapy I needed but never got. Lots of words, but the end result is that therapy helps us; without it, I can't imagine where our lives might be right now. Peace and grace to you and yours. Mikey [/QUOTE]
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