H is our 5 y.o easy child. She had wanted to talk to the therapist about how to deal with difficult child (aka E). So we go. and the therapist goes over all the options she can do when E makes her mad. All of which were options we had already talked about at home that don't work (E follows you when you're mad so walking away doesn't work, for example). Then therapist talks about a coping skills box (which they had E do a couple months ago which he refuses to use). They talk about when to use it and how etc. I say to therapist...why is it that we have to have a FIVE year old have a coping skills box to deal with her brother? And her younger bro is 3 so he probably needs one and I do, but why do we ALL need to learn to cope with him and he doesn't need to learn to cope with US? And you guys who have had your diagnosis for longer than me probably are rolling your eyes, but I still don't understand. BUT I also saw the psychiatrists nurse and she said she knew she had a vm from me and what could she do. SO I tell her, I'm getting calls and emails from the school and when I go to the school they want to TALK to me about his "tics" or "stims" or whatever the heck they are. He is really ramping up the noises and he's constantly sniffing and I don't think he has a cold as it's been WELL over a week with white boogers down his nose (and he has to be reminded to blow his nose) and he's still bouncing all OVER the place and he's still got the physical tics (and I use that word cuz we still don't know for sure what this is). She says to me...OH NO...if it was medications induced, they should have subsided by now. Yeah, they haven't. can we DO something? She says, now it just might be habit or he IS doing this on purpose. Oh great. But we have to ride it out until we see psychiatrist next week and then re-evaluate. She told me to just leave him alone and don't say anything to him about it. I told her I DON'T. I did, but then I got myself numb to it and I don't say anything, his sibs don't, I'm being told the school kids don't even say anything so NO ONE is making a deal out of this. But the other day at dinner apparently he was looking right at me (my mom was watching him) and I was talking across the table to H and according to my mom...he looked right at me and just made those nosies louder and LOUDER AND LOUDER. didn't work, I'm so numb to them I didn't even notice. THEN my SO calls the therapist (I'm alone with difficult child up to 30 days at a time, then have SO home for no more than 7) and says there is a concern about the safety in the house (true) and the effect it's having on the other two and on me (true) and got some info on group homes for out of home treatment help. Then I'm told I'm probably desensitized to how much is going on in here (most likely true because when someone from the outside comes, they can "see" what I am "overlooking") So we got info on 2 group homes and one is for neglect and abuse (not his problem that I'm aware of) and one is Christian based which (and please don't make this a religious thread) our family is not considered Christian...Buddhist, yes. So if he went there we'd have to see if they were open to a non-Christian family. Heck my money is just as green as anyone else's right? SO then I start looking up other facilities but I'm having trouble finding ones for kids with behavioural problems that are NOT due to physical or sexual abuse or neglect. Any ideas on how to find homes for kids who have not been subjected to that treatment? This has been a PARTICULARLY difficult month for this family. One home said treatment takes on avg 5 mos...I was like...5 mos with-o the constant fighting, defiance etc. Wow. Wonder what a "typical" house feels like anymore. I have a SPLITTING headache from all this. my two easy child's have karate and I drag difficult child along and today he was doable, but still managed to really get under my skin and ANOTHER MOTHER handed him a tissue for his nose. Yes, that makes me feel like a terrible mom, but he doesn't seem to care. ANd..today he asks if he has to do what another parent tells him to do. I try inquire about the particular situation he might be referring to. (like if a man tells him to get into a van...NO, you don't...if a parent at school tells you to stop hitting, yes). And he says he just thought up the question and it hasn't happened yet (I'm betting it has) and so I told him yes....wonder what came up today. Thanks for "listening" Must take advil and drop to bed.