tiredmommy

Well-Known Member
{{{Wintak}}} I soooooo understand where you are coming from: the constant need for attention and control, the antagonizing and just being buried in a difficult child-based life. These are big parts of why Duckie is an only child. What I do is try to do my best everyday (& my best is a moving target depending on the day and or time). One thing I want to point out before I forget is that Duckie sniffs too.... when her asthma is acting up. She has cough variant asthma so she doesn't wheeze but will cough. She usually starts an attack with sniffing every 90 seconds or so for several hours or days. It hasn't go on like that in a while since I now view that as a symptom as we start more aggressive treatment right away.

And to address the main thrust of your thread: why do we walk on egg shells around our difficult children? I don't know. I know I don't give Duckie nearly as much slack as I could. But I think that's because of the way I view raising her. I think that she has, really, one shot at having a successful & happy childhood. It's my job to make sure that she makes the most of it and doesn't close too many doors before they are fully opened. I know that the world is not our home or her school, but it will be her life. And it's up to us to push, pull & prod her to be ready to be a happy, well-adjusted and productive adult. I owe her the respect of believing in her enough that, even with her struggles & issues, she will be able to carve out a life for herself. But that doesn't just happen magically on her 18th birthday. Accountability takes years to set in so I hold her accountable for what she can do and add to the list as we're able. She has to do things for herself and be held accountable for her behaviors now in order for her to have a shot at a happy life. An example is that she can't help feeling stressed in a loud chaotic environment due to her sensory processing disorder (SPD), but she can learn to react better to those around her. Excusing herself to pull herself together is a far more desirable response than screaming at the person next to her, Know what I mean??

With your son, I think I would I would set aside a block of time and come up with a plan for you to follow. Write down daily tasks that he can and regularly does, that's his base. Then add a few he can work on. Start to hold him accountable and make a big deal when he does do well and have a set consequence when he doesn't. Keep the youngers away from him and make sure they know where to go when their brother rages (maybe a bedroom that the 5 year old can lock from inside). And finally.... make sure you get some rest and relaxation. You seem so engaged with difficult child that you can't see the forest for the trees (that's understandable).
 
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