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Substance Abuse
Out of control 18 year old son
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<blockquote data-quote="BloodiedButUnbowed" data-source="post: 713867" data-attributes="member: 13303"><p>Hi there, and so sorry you have to be here.</p><p></p><p>You cannot stop your son from doing what he wants to do, or being the person that he is, right now.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry that his choices are hurting you.</p><p></p><p>I don't mean to sound detached or unsympathetic; I have a great deal of empathy for you.</p><p></p><p>I've learned through hard and bitter experience that we cannot "make" anyone do anything they, themselves, do not want to do. You can fling your arms around his legs to prevent him from going down the same road his father did; if this is what HE is determined to do, he will kick you out of the way and go on down the road regardless.</p><p></p><p>Your son will have to decide for himself to put down the drugs.</p><p></p><p>Al-Anon and Codependents Anonymous are both wonderful, free support groups full of fellowship and fellow travelers who have endured similar. Though everyone's life circumstances are different, the fundamental themes - love for an addict, a desperate desire to protect them from their bad choices, and ultimately losing ourselves in their drama - are the same. You will find much help there if and when you are ready.</p><p></p><p>A huge step is setting boundaries. Is he living in your home? Are you willing to tolerate his using drugs under your roof? He's a legal adult at 18; you are allowed to put him out, though it sounds like this might not be something you wish to do at this time.</p><p></p><p>I hope he is accepted to rehab; that might be a great first step for him. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes "protecting" them is harmful to all involved, the child as well as the family.</p><p></p><p>We are here for you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BloodiedButUnbowed, post: 713867, member: 13303"] Hi there, and so sorry you have to be here. You cannot stop your son from doing what he wants to do, or being the person that he is, right now. I am so sorry that his choices are hurting you. I don't mean to sound detached or unsympathetic; I have a great deal of empathy for you. I've learned through hard and bitter experience that we cannot "make" anyone do anything they, themselves, do not want to do. You can fling your arms around his legs to prevent him from going down the same road his father did; if this is what HE is determined to do, he will kick you out of the way and go on down the road regardless. Your son will have to decide for himself to put down the drugs. Al-Anon and Codependents Anonymous are both wonderful, free support groups full of fellowship and fellow travelers who have endured similar. Though everyone's life circumstances are different, the fundamental themes - love for an addict, a desperate desire to protect them from their bad choices, and ultimately losing ourselves in their drama - are the same. You will find much help there if and when you are ready. A huge step is setting boundaries. Is he living in your home? Are you willing to tolerate his using drugs under your roof? He's a legal adult at 18; you are allowed to put him out, though it sounds like this might not be something you wish to do at this time. I hope he is accepted to rehab; that might be a great first step for him. Sometimes "protecting" them is harmful to all involved, the child as well as the family. We are here for you. [/QUOTE]
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Out of control 18 year old son
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