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Out of control mentally unstable 16 year old
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 660628" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Reactive Attachment Disorder is a trauma disorder that is mostly known to adoptive parents as so many older adoptees have it. When a child is not nurtured right, or has many caregivers, or is neglected in her first years 0-3 that does really bad things to the child and the very wiring in the brain and the developing child starts to think, even as an infant, "I can't rely on anybody but myself." They then develop behaviors that tend to be very destructive and do not develop empathy or the ability to love. Trust me, when we lived with our Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) adopted son he did not want love. It repelled him. He got worse the more we loved him. He did unthinkable things to our younger kids that we could never have guessed because he did not act as sick as he was.</p><p></p><p>I would get her out of the house ASAP if you have younger kids. Believe her when she says she doesn't want your love. You can work on it with her while she lives elsewhere. At least she can't hurt your children (other children) if she is not there. Many of these kids who lived in chaos were sexually abused and it is not unusual for them to act out on their siblings. However, girls often have a different way of expressing their trauma and will often accuse the men in the family of sexually abusing them and that is something you don't want. Then you may very well lose your other kids. CPS takes all allegations of sexual abuse very seriously and acts before the investigation. Boys with attachment disorder who were sexually abused (and most were, boys and girls) tend to act out on the siblings. But girls can too. And, no, your younger k kids won't tell you. The threat from the predator will be too harsh. "I will kill you and your parents if you ever tell." That keeps younger kids from telling. Also "Nobody will beileve you."</p><p></p><p>Regular psychiatrists, who do not deal with many adopted older children or tramatized children who suddenly change caregivers out of need, tend not to know much about attachment disorders. For example, our adopted child's psychiatrists all along the way all said he was a great kid who was slightly cognitively delayed, but had no real psychiatric issues other than anxiety so we felt safe adopting him. And to adults, he did act normal, but not to kids!!! And this included neighborhood kids. They were all afraid of him. He killed two of our dogs too and liked to start little fires and poop and pee in our closet (we thought it was a new dog we had rescued). The closer we tried to get to him, the worse he treated our younger kids.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter's situation is similar to an adopted kid who had chaos in her life and probably horrible experiences, maybe some that she doesn't even remember. It is late for her to actually bond with you two unless she gets tons of attachment centered therapy and she is old e nough to refuse it.</p><p></p><p>Do something. She is a walking time bomb!!!! Don't let her destroy your family. If we had not been such a strong family unit, this boy would have destroyed us, but we hung tight after he was gone. In our case, we wanted no more contact with him for our younger children's sake. The adoption was eventually severed, but until then we had to pay child support to the state while he was in lock up residential. We stopped taking in children after him and just counted our many blessings as enough. I have a real soft spot for kids in need, but I couldn't do it anymore after that.</p><p></p><p>Good luck!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 660628, member: 1550"] Reactive Attachment Disorder is a trauma disorder that is mostly known to adoptive parents as so many older adoptees have it. When a child is not nurtured right, or has many caregivers, or is neglected in her first years 0-3 that does really bad things to the child and the very wiring in the brain and the developing child starts to think, even as an infant, "I can't rely on anybody but myself." They then develop behaviors that tend to be very destructive and do not develop empathy or the ability to love. Trust me, when we lived with our Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) adopted son he did not want love. It repelled him. He got worse the more we loved him. He did unthinkable things to our younger kids that we could never have guessed because he did not act as sick as he was. I would get her out of the house ASAP if you have younger kids. Believe her when she says she doesn't want your love. You can work on it with her while she lives elsewhere. At least she can't hurt your children (other children) if she is not there. Many of these kids who lived in chaos were sexually abused and it is not unusual for them to act out on their siblings. However, girls often have a different way of expressing their trauma and will often accuse the men in the family of sexually abusing them and that is something you don't want. Then you may very well lose your other kids. CPS takes all allegations of sexual abuse very seriously and acts before the investigation. Boys with attachment disorder who were sexually abused (and most were, boys and girls) tend to act out on the siblings. But girls can too. And, no, your younger k kids won't tell you. The threat from the predator will be too harsh. "I will kill you and your parents if you ever tell." That keeps younger kids from telling. Also "Nobody will beileve you." Regular psychiatrists, who do not deal with many adopted older children or tramatized children who suddenly change caregivers out of need, tend not to know much about attachment disorders. For example, our adopted child's psychiatrists all along the way all said he was a great kid who was slightly cognitively delayed, but had no real psychiatric issues other than anxiety so we felt safe adopting him. And to adults, he did act normal, but not to kids!!! And this included neighborhood kids. They were all afraid of him. He killed two of our dogs too and liked to start little fires and poop and pee in our closet (we thought it was a new dog we had rescued). The closer we tried to get to him, the worse he treated our younger kids. Your daughter's situation is similar to an adopted kid who had chaos in her life and probably horrible experiences, maybe some that she doesn't even remember. It is late for her to actually bond with you two unless she gets tons of attachment centered therapy and she is old e nough to refuse it. Do something. She is a walking time bomb!!!! Don't let her destroy your family. If we had not been such a strong family unit, this boy would have destroyed us, but we hung tight after he was gone. In our case, we wanted no more contact with him for our younger children's sake. The adoption was eventually severed, but until then we had to pay child support to the state while he was in lock up residential. We stopped taking in children after him and just counted our many blessings as enough. I have a real soft spot for kids in need, but I couldn't do it anymore after that. Good luck! [/QUOTE]
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