Out of the frying pan...

[witzend]

As you old timers will remember, Spring of 2005 L moved out of her boyfriend B's house at his request and into ours. She drifted throughout the summer, and we told her she had to get a place by Labor day. She did, and within the month was back living with B. (I think the first time it was a date that never ended.)

September of this year he told her to leave again, as soon as she had a job. He is much older and an altogether different personality type than she. Not the least of which she wants to get married and have children, and he doesn't.

She had a job, and got an apartment in October. She began dating men she had met on match.com or something. I was a little disappointed, as I thought that she could use some self-reflection instead of "trying to find the right guy." She said that B was having some regrets, but not to the point of acting upon them.

L got fired last week. Then B came back from his annual fishing trip to Cabo (which he goes on with his best friend who doesn't like L, and L never goes on this or any other trip with him) and started pursuing her in earnest. She said that he told her that he wanted to spend every night for the rest of his life with her.

I told her that they needed to be on the same page about exactly what they want and expect from each other - and to give to each other - before they move in together. She agreed. I bought my car from his dealership and it is due for maintenance service tomorrow. husband is off work for the holiday. We'll see if we can keep our big mouths shut...

 

[Suz]

We'll see if we can keep our big mouths shut...

You're so funny!

Man, I'd be hard-pressed to not say something but I'd really try not to. Good luck sitting on your lips-----this will be a real turning point for L if she can hold her own this time around.

Suz

 

[Hound dog]

Oh, I so hope L can hold her own with this guy this time.

And you know me.... I'd be hard pressed to keep my mouth shut too. :rofl:

Gawd it's hard to sit on the sidelines and watch all this junk, ya know?

Hugs

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

I'd have to reschedule the service on the car to keep my mouth shut...

(((((hugs)))))

 

[SunnyFlorida]

:spaghetti: here's the closest I can get to sittin' on those lips.

 

[standswithcourage]

It would be hard to sit on the lips for me too! I understand. Sometimes my lips have gotten me into trouble!!!!! :rolleyes:

 

[witzend]

Thanks, all. I talked to L this evening and mentioned that I was having the car serviced tomorrow. She said "Well, be nice." I told her I would, and I didn't really know what I would say if I did talk to him. She said, "Well you would say what you said to me, right?" I told her I hadn't really thought about it. God should just strike me down where I stand for lying!

But, having thought about it, I will let him take the lead. If he's stupid enough to say something to me - and I doubt that he is - I will offer my opinion. Of course, I may totally change my mind about that by the time I get there!

Wish me luck. Or better yet, wish me intelligence!

 

[goldenguru]

Witz~

True story.

I dated my husband on and off for over 5 years. We would go together and I would break up after a year. This went on for over 5 years. I know my hubbies family was sick of me. I know I broke his heart. He had one brother who actually hated me.

Hubby was ready to get married. He wanted that level of commitment. It terrified me. I wanted to finish college. Live life a little bit. I really did love him - but just wasn't mature enough to want marriage.

Fortunately for me, he was a very patient man. He waited for me to grow up. He waited 5 years. We have been married almost 25 years. And it's been a good marriage.

My hubbys parents were wise people. They didn't condemn me - disrespect me. And now I have been a part of their family for 25 years.

As hard as it must be to watch your daughter go thru this - you are very wise to sit on your lips. Someday if she marries this guy, they will both remember how you react to this. I know - because I remember my hubbies parents grace toward me.

Hugs.

 

[WhymeMom?]

Sending you a quieting case of Laryngitis......

 

[ScentofCedar]

Wish me luck. Or better yet, wish me intelligence!

Oh, Witz!

That's good.



Barbara

 

[KFld]

Can't wait to see how this turns out. I'll be patiently :thanksgiving2: waiting for an update

 

[Star*]

SO HOW DID IT GO WITH KEEPING YER BIG MOUTH SHUT? snap!

ROFLMAO AT YOU! :rofl:

 

[Suz]

Well?

Inquiring minds want to know!

:smile:

Suz

 

[witzend]

I asked him "So, what's the deal with L, anyway?" He totally dodged it. "I saw her yesterday." It was in the lobby of his work, so I didn't push it. He further told me that she needed to get another job. Hmmm, that's insightful...

I called her after, and she was very anxious to know that I had taken him to task. I told her that I tried, but he didn't seem to want to hear what I had to say so I didn't push it. She reluctantly agreed.

by the way, he did see her last night. She was still at his house this afternoon when I called.

:slap:

 

[Suz]

I will let him take the lead.

I guess you changed your mind? lol

I don't know, Witz. I'm can't think of one good thing that would come out of you having a conversation with him, especially at his work place. It's like so much else- L is 24 and she has to learn to live her own life, even if she decides to continuously mess it up.

I know it's hard to watch her go through this again.

Suz

 

[everywoman]

Witz---whenever you write about L---I am reminded of my gfgmom. She is a dreamer and schemer. She has been married 3X and dated hundreds of guys looking for one to "take" care of her. She is now 60, disabled, and lonely. From her I learned how not to live my life---desperately searching for someone to make me whole. I fought to become a whole person myself so that I could make my husband a partner. If I had not learned these lessons, when he turned out not to be perfect---as her husbands and boyfriends always did---I would have fallen apart. I feel for L---I have seen her future---and it's not a pretty one.