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General Parenting
Out of the shadows after 5 years
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<blockquote data-quote="Second Time Around" data-source="post: 647384" data-attributes="member: 18739"><p>Thanks, Wiped Out and 2Much. I'm glad to be here talking to all of you. Although like everyone else, it would be nice if we didn't have to deal with these issues. I have learned a lot about how to help SS2 and how to take care of myself and set boundaries. The first few years, I wore myself out trying to do too much to help him and I had to learn to step back a bit and take care of myself first. Although he is my step-son, I've been the most proactive about looking for alternative treatments for him. My husband and Biomom are more conventional, but I've been able to persuade husband to try some new things. The medication change made the biggest difference, but we've also tried to eliminate red dye and reduce sweets and junk food. This is an ongoing struggle as he has very poor impulse control and stuffs himself with sugary foods whenever he gets the chance. SS2 will talk about how he wants to lose weight and be more careful about what he eats, but if there are sweets around, that's all he can think about.</p><p></p><p>One of the new things we are trying is neurofeedback to help with his ADHD and anxiety since he can't take medications for that due to his bipolar disorder. He had an EEG and they found that his brain is putting out mostly high beta waves so it's out of balance with the other 3 kinds of waves. Too many beta waves cause the brain to run at a really high speed, so he's super figity and thinking of dozens of things at once. It also causes irritability and anxiety. He has all of those things. We started weekly neurotherapy 3 months ago. He watches a simple video game, such as fish swimming, with electrodes attached to his scalp. The computer monitors his brainwaves and if his beta waves are below a certain level, the fish swim. If he can maintain it for at least 3 seconds, the fish jump and he gets a point. </p><p></p><p>At first it was really difficult to get him to do this. He fussed and complained about how boring it was, fidgeted in his chair and couldn't play the game longer than 2 minutes. We bribed him with a small amount of money for each session he attended. As my husband said, he'll be doing the right thing for the wrong reason, but eventually he'll do it for the right reason. Gradually he was able to sit and focus longer. By the 10th session, he was able to sit completely still for 10 minutes. The therapist was talking to me and he was able to ignore the conversation and focus on the game. This is a huge development as he was not able to do any of that before.</p><p></p><p>We have seen improvements at home and school as well. He has stopped fidgeting and moving constantly and no longer hovers anxiously around us all the time. He is less fearful and less negative. He was wetting the bed 2-3 times per week and has almost stopped completely. In the past 3 months, he only had one accident when he was sick and took some night time cold medicine before bed. He would also wait until the last minute to use the toilet, then rush to the bathroom and not lift the seat, so there was urine on the seat and the floor several times a day. He now pays more attention to his body signals and goes earlier and lifts the lid almost every time. It is soooo nice that our house doesn't stink all the time! There have been a couple of times where he took responsibility for his behavior instead of blaming others or outside circumstances. Since he never did that at all, that's progress. We still have a long way to go. He is still immature and somewhat narcissistic. However, we are hopeful that he'll continue to make progress. It usually takes 30-40 sessions to complete. I wanted to share this with all of you in case it would be helpful to someone else.</p><p></p><p>Also, could someone like one of my posts so that I can add a signature?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Second Time Around, post: 647384, member: 18739"] Thanks, Wiped Out and 2Much. I'm glad to be here talking to all of you. Although like everyone else, it would be nice if we didn't have to deal with these issues. I have learned a lot about how to help SS2 and how to take care of myself and set boundaries. The first few years, I wore myself out trying to do too much to help him and I had to learn to step back a bit and take care of myself first. Although he is my step-son, I've been the most proactive about looking for alternative treatments for him. My husband and Biomom are more conventional, but I've been able to persuade husband to try some new things. The medication change made the biggest difference, but we've also tried to eliminate red dye and reduce sweets and junk food. This is an ongoing struggle as he has very poor impulse control and stuffs himself with sugary foods whenever he gets the chance. SS2 will talk about how he wants to lose weight and be more careful about what he eats, but if there are sweets around, that's all he can think about. One of the new things we are trying is neurofeedback to help with his ADHD and anxiety since he can't take medications for that due to his bipolar disorder. He had an EEG and they found that his brain is putting out mostly high beta waves so it's out of balance with the other 3 kinds of waves. Too many beta waves cause the brain to run at a really high speed, so he's super figity and thinking of dozens of things at once. It also causes irritability and anxiety. He has all of those things. We started weekly neurotherapy 3 months ago. He watches a simple video game, such as fish swimming, with electrodes attached to his scalp. The computer monitors his brainwaves and if his beta waves are below a certain level, the fish swim. If he can maintain it for at least 3 seconds, the fish jump and he gets a point. At first it was really difficult to get him to do this. He fussed and complained about how boring it was, fidgeted in his chair and couldn't play the game longer than 2 minutes. We bribed him with a small amount of money for each session he attended. As my husband said, he'll be doing the right thing for the wrong reason, but eventually he'll do it for the right reason. Gradually he was able to sit and focus longer. By the 10th session, he was able to sit completely still for 10 minutes. The therapist was talking to me and he was able to ignore the conversation and focus on the game. This is a huge development as he was not able to do any of that before. We have seen improvements at home and school as well. He has stopped fidgeting and moving constantly and no longer hovers anxiously around us all the time. He is less fearful and less negative. He was wetting the bed 2-3 times per week and has almost stopped completely. In the past 3 months, he only had one accident when he was sick and took some night time cold medicine before bed. He would also wait until the last minute to use the toilet, then rush to the bathroom and not lift the seat, so there was urine on the seat and the floor several times a day. He now pays more attention to his body signals and goes earlier and lifts the lid almost every time. It is soooo nice that our house doesn't stink all the time! There have been a couple of times where he took responsibility for his behavior instead of blaming others or outside circumstances. Since he never did that at all, that's progress. We still have a long way to go. He is still immature and somewhat narcissistic. However, we are hopeful that he'll continue to make progress. It usually takes 30-40 sessions to complete. I wanted to share this with all of you in case it would be helpful to someone else. Also, could someone like one of my posts so that I can add a signature? [/QUOTE]
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