Outraged -they said send him home - OMG

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Star*, Oct 28, 2008.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I have had a lot of dealings with the agency that my son has been connected to since he was 11 years old.

    In that time -they have placed him 8 times in various programs ALWAYS citing that each new placement would be THE ONE - and that since my son had NOT complied with the program each would be more stringent to help him help himself.

    Looking back - we've had to fire 3 people for unlawful and inappropriate holds, had his jaw broken and wasnt' allowed back in the program which put him at our home and without supervision from a step dad who is on loads of pain medications - he chose to get into trouble and is now a convicted felon. THANKS for not helping go to bat for him in court "agency". They never said a word. When his jaw got broken at the last facility - they said they didn't know WHO to believe - but we (me) footed the bill for his broken jaw and subsequent cracked tooth.

    So the "agency" put him in THE BEST PLACE IN THE WORLD - you remember the place WE had shut down for non compliance and while there - out on midnight patrol with another 21 year old boy - got put in jail for suspicion of burglary where a conviction was coerced from the other boy fingering dude for a crime that was NEVER committed. OMG this is like science fiction - and now my kid is looking at 15 years because his PD can't return phone calls.....TO ANYONE.....so we dont' even know where we are with that process - left to our own ulcer building thoughts.

    And in the mean time - they put him at the foster home. And while not perfect- since a meeting about a month ago where we told the foster family things we didn't like or that we felt could be handled better - it has been ENORMOUSLY better for Dude. The man doesn't work full time any more and HAS time to do what we thought he was going to do in the first place. And it's working -

    So imagine my surprise today - at an EMERGENCY meeting in which the "agency" gave Dude a DVD of a "locked down concrete block facility" where he would be forced to comply with getting a GED. Yet no one could answer my questions - "Um this is the SAME place that a year ago you looked at me and said BE GLAD HE ISN'T THERE so what gives?" and the case worker said "They have a new program that will be good for Dude." and Dude said "Just a minute ago you said you knew ALL about this program - that you'd seen it in motion - and now you say it's brand new?????" (Cricket pfhart moment) and then CW said - "Well it's either this or go home." and Dude said "YOu know I can't go home - it does not work, and I'm JUST NOW getting along with my family. so I guess I will give my stuff away today, pack a bag and be homeless thanks to you."

    The CW said - NO you can go home - and BOTH DF and I said - NO he can't as did Dude.....it doesn't work - not yet. Then they said "So you would rather be homeless than go to this program?"

    So through tears he watches the program and I shut the (#)(8 thing off...they show adult teens with cake and balloons and smiley face cookies and of course ALL the counselors are patting on the back and SMILING as are the kids in the therapy sessions - (which Dude said was staged as it was a MAJOR HIPAA violation to show kids in REAL therapy) and I asked HOW this program got convicted felons a job - easier than we could here?

    And what happend to all the stuff the BS from the last meeting - no one called ANYONE about? They told me they'd get him help with SSI and now ? they said NO we said YOU supposed to do that - you 18. OMG....are you freaking kidding me?

    So I'm angry - I told them NO to the program - they gave my son 11 days to decide if he'll sign or be dismissed. If he's dismissed there are NO more funds to keep him at the fosters and he'll be homeless....if he's homeless they will take him to jail for non-compliance with his probations rules....

    This is a mess.......and I'm angry - when I cant eat lunch and cant talk? I AM LIVID.

    I called Protection and Advocacy - I told them the agency is FORCING Dude to do a program that we do not feel is successful /tried AND 200 miles away.......OMG....is it NOT enough this kid is TRYING to do the right thing despite loooking at 15 years in jail? I have Sooooooo tried to stay out of all of this - but they are rolling him over and that's not right.

    Any thoughts or ideas of whom to contact will be appreciated.

    DF is so angry he wants to get a lawyer - this agency should NOT just be able to make decisions that are NOT in the best interest of a child then say - either take our deal or you're out. You're 18 you should be farther along by now. (UGH) do they really deal with mentally ill kids?

  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Did you look at Steely's post about extended custody? I'm sorry, girl. Big hugs...
  3. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    Is there any sort of emergency or transitional housing near you, a county Homeless Assistance Program etc., anything that could give him an address so he's not in violation of probation? Maybe a PINS application? If it's not long until his court hearing it doesn't make sense to send him somewhere new, start work on a GED etc. And in a locked down facility?? It seems odd that there'd be such an emergency when he was doing well. Is the foster family just bowing out?

    Sorry to hear this. Hugs, Star.
  4. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    No one can or will tell me who started this - it's either the Foster family OR the probation officer. I have a hard time believing either did such a thing -both make money if he's here - and fosters told me to my face they like him.

    Someone is lying - I'm going to make someone tell me whom.


    The agency said - Wellhe's not going to school - okay - so that's it??? he's not going to school and he's not paying fines - but how does he?

  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Star I can NOT believe this!!!! Who do they think they are? This is RIDICULOUS!! And CRUEL!!

    DF may be right about the lawyer. I hate to say it but he may be.

    Who determined this is such an emergency and WHY???

    I will say GOOD JOB to Dude for catching on that it is new so it couldn't be proven or tried!!! He is starting to "get it" during these meetings, and that is good.

    Do I understand right - they just decided that he should be farther along by now? Farther along in what? WHO decided? Why now?

    I am so so so sorry. If there is ANYTHING I can do, let me know. A letter? phone call? email? Whatever you need. Just call!

    Hugs to all of you.

  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Even I (the system cynic) is dumbstruck by this latest manuver. Eh Gods!

    If you want I'll try to toss out ideas although I feel confident that as a seasoned veteran of "the system" you probably have already pursued every avenue I could suggest. Brainstorming is a natural for me...just let me know. Meanwhile I don't know whether to pray or cry for Dude and you all. Many sincere hugs. DDD
  7. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Star* as DDD said, you are the veteran here........and I feel like any suggestions I might have you would have already thought of. However, I would definitely get a lawyer. Many young lawyers might take this type of thing on pro bono. I believe this can be fought.

    I wonder if the foster family filed for "extended custody" of dude, if that could temporarily cause him to be out of loop of the state and their sticky fingers?

    So many hugs.
  8. Jena

    Jena New Member


    Ok i am so sorry that you are dealing with this. I would be so ****** also. It's ridiculous, truly. It also makes no sense at all. I can't believe he caught it, Dude that is. Lawyer's sounding good to me. Do you have free legal aide out your way??

    hugs to you for the bs your dealing with.
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I have no advice. I've never delt with this sort of thing. And I'm in a constant state of shock and awe at how they've delt with Dude over the years.

    I just wanted to offer ((((hugs)))) and to let you know you and Dude are still very much in my prayers.
  10. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Prayers being said that a lightening bolt from out the blue will come down and strike the powers that be and knock some sense into them!!!!
  11. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Adding my prayers to Everywoman's!
    Someone once said to me that the justice system is like an autistic person. The more I see of it the more I believe it. It's an outrage!

    Saying many prayers for you and Dude.

  12. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I don't even know what to say. Hugs and many, many prayers for you and Dude that you are able to get this straightened out quickly.
  13. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Star, I don't know about your state but in PA there are different programs for adults than there are for minors and the programs come from different agencies. Please check this out in your state to see if there is another agency you can contact for help.

  14. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Hey Star...just out here caring about you and your son's situation. Sure hope there is a positive outcome in this situation. Sounds very frustrating after all you've been through with this agency.

    Hugs and care,
  15. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    You know -

    This is the "THING" that I've been advocating for for years. Each time a small amount of a program worked? They have pulled him out. Despite our disagreeing, it's always been what they wanted and this time no EVERYONE is shrugging about how this meeting ever came to be, and we've caught EVERYONE in a lie - so that means SOMETHING is WRONG.

    I'm not even sure if Dude is in his room this morning - last night he said he was giving his stuff away, and packing 1 bag he could carry and that everyone needs to see that HE HAS TRIED - and I agreed. I told him it wasn't perfect but we were happy with the progress. We just thought he needed to tweak school attendence - which last year was 2 days a week and this year he signed up for 4 days - and makes it about 3 weeks out of 4 all days - but has been known to leave early. about 15 minutes - and THIS is what they are ALL in a TIZZY about - NON COMPLIANCE for school?????

    Okay I could see if he never went - or went 1 day a week or went and left every day - but considering I could get him to go to school EVERY day WTH? TFP are not capable of saying "No you are going to school?" Is that not the rules? What have been the consequences for not going to school by the TFP? Just being kicked out? WOW - nice - no second chances? After ALL the other placements gave 2nd chances and this is just - NOPE he needs to go.

    They tried to tell me budget cuts etc....and I know that is true - but think about this - IF they are cutting their budget? WHY send him to a placement that is MORE expensive? (and I asked yesterday isn't THIS program MORE expensive?) and why can't he go to another foster home? And the answer was "Well with his record there are not many places that will take him." Um......HELLO - same record he had when you got him into foster care.....WT? ?

    I sat and just had my guts burn last night thinking about all of this. It's almost like it plays over and over and over and over in my head and it's got me sick. I can't eat (not a bad thing), I can't think - (keep thikning about MY kid going to jail for 15 years was enough and NOW to think that he'll be IN jail when he GOES to trial?)

    OH and to TOP IT ALL OFF - I called the secretary of the PD yesterday about the box that I left of Dudes ENTIRE medical history - I asked for a receipt - and the secretary said "No not necessary" and I called yesterday and she wouldn't even give me her NAME!!!! :mad: I said I wanted your name because I left a medical history of my son - ALL ORIGINALS thousands of documents in your office and you have NO idea where it is now? OMG - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? She was snippy and insisted NO ONE had called the PD office for my son. NO ONE - caseworker lied again. She checked her records via some computer program (access maybe?) said no one had called.....I said that's nice....(southern for something else)

    How people......HOW do I walk away from this and not get involved? How do I put people in my sons path to help him who continually say "He's 18 now." He's 18 sure - but it's as if they expected a change overnight - he's a very damaged kid. VERY. I feel like telling them if I hear that he's 18 one more time that they are the kind of people who would expect him to see at 18 had he been blind from birth.....GRRRRrrrrr.......

    Help me make some sense of this please......nothing is working - even DF called the supervisor yesterday and laid it out and the man backpeddled and lied....and then put DF on the speaker phone. LOVELY - they felt the need to SHARE DF's thoughts? Yet he was right- we never sued them for the last Residential Treatment Center (RTC), the rollling down the hill being thrown from a car and laying on a mountain for 3 hous - or being hit by a car or not having food, education or anything......Where do I take this now?

    I am not sure I can butt out of this - or if I should just let jail happen and see my kid go to prison for 15 years.

    Just sick -
  16. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    OMG, Star, the insanity of Dude's whole story is just...insanity.

    I'm afraid my ideas aren't too plentiful, but I do have two...is there a local paper who would do a story? With the NE law, this is a hot topic in some areas.

    And the other thing - would the TFP allow Dude to stay if you paid them whatever you'd pay for a lawyer to fight this?

    I have no clue had realistic either is, they're just brainstorms.

    The system is so very broken.
  17. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Starbie, I'm so utterly baffled at this turn of events, I can't even form a coherent sentence. I don't know what happened but it sure does seem like a switch got flipped somewhere along the lines when the boys hit 16/17 and all of a sudden their compliance was on their shoulders... it doesn't make sense for kids who think like ours.

    Anyhoo... bottom line here, they discharged him without discharge planning. If it's a no-no in IL, it's got to be a no-no *anywhere*. In IL there's a guardianship and advocacy commission (state department) that monitors and investigates human rights violations. I can never remember which Carolina you're in, but there has to be a similar entity there, and I would think there's a similar requirement in the mental health statutes requiring discharge planning. Time for a formal complaint - failure to supervise, failure to treat, failure to do discharge planning, etc.

    I'm sorry hon - it just never seems to get easier does it.
  18. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I am so sorry star. Even that sounds inadequate. You and dude are in my thoughts and prayers.
  19. Genny

    Genny Worlds Best Nana

    I agree with Sue - formal complaint and make sure they know it's URGENT. Send it registered mail to anyone and everyone at the top of the food chain, including your local politicians.

    I thought I saw a distant fire on my way to work - now I know it was just the steam coming out of your ears:tongue:

    I think you've been doing the right thing by letting Dude handle things himself, but you're instincts are right - time for WARRIOR MOM:grrr:.

    Keep us posted -

  20. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Oh, Star, I am still so baffled by this. WTH are they thinking? Just because he is 18 doesn't mean that they can just ship him to a lock down. I really think WARRIOR MOM needs to do what she can. Can you record the calls you make, and any meeting you have with these people? Voice recorder at least? I tihnk that some record of these meetings that is not subjective (written records can be challenged or falsified) might be helpful.

    Write the governor of your state AND the local media. This is just shameful. There has to be some other option.

    I am pulling for you. I am also praying Dude doesn't see this as a message that nothing he can do is good enough, so why not go do something stupid.

    many hugs.