Overwhelmed with difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by flutterby, Mar 25, 2010.

  1. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I don't even know what to say.

    For 2 weeks, difficult child was doing very well. She even invited friends over after school. Something she hasn't done this school year, even though I've asked her about it.

    And now...the bottom's fallen out again. To top it off she's sick, I'm sick, and she couldn't go to the psychiatrist appointment today. We rescheduled for Tuesday.

    My mom came up today and we talked to therapist. therapist is still looking into residential therapy. She and other psychologists have a regular luncheon where they talk about hard cases and brainstorm, and share experience and resources. She also wants to schedule a time - on her day off - to do an intervention type thing with difficult child. She said she would come to the house. I'm not sure on the details yet of what that will entail. difficult child thinks if therapist would fix all of us (me, my mom, easy child and DF) then everything would be perfect. She doesn't have a problem, we do...in her mind.

    I'm supposed to be forcing independence down her throat. I've been trying to force independence for some time now. I guess I'm supposed to step it up. I'm not entirely sure how to do that. I mean, I guess I am...kinda. But, I'm so sick right now and I know it's going to be WWIII.

    I'm just really overwhelmed. Really, really overwhelmed. And I can't think because of the migraine and pain medications. I'm having a hard enough time managing day to day functions.

  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I get them wanting you to push the independence thing......not so sure what they mean by "step it up". (?) I was afraid her being sick would cause her to slide back a bit, darn it. Maybe sick she feels a bit more vulnerable.

    I hope this flare doesn't last too much longer, it's a loo loo.

  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What kind of independence do they want? I would want a specific plan from them. I hate generalities like that.
  4. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Independence period. therapist says difficult child hasn't cut the umbilical cord. I know I've tried, but I also carry some of that burden. therapist said since I have so much understanding of what difficult child is dealing with that she thinks I have too much sympathy and I need to step back and let difficult child face the music. She's right.

    therapist says emotionally, difficult child is about 9-11 years old.
  5. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    {{{Hugs}}} I hope both of you are feeling better and difficult child starts back on track quickly.
  6. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hope you both feel better soon.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry you are so sick. I truly do understand. Heck, I cannot get my husband to do anything with-o specifically telling him. Jess, bless her, is better than he is! It really is hard, esp when you are feeling like something the cat wouldn't drag in. Sending gentle hugs to you.

    As for the emotional age the therapist quoted, most of what I have read says that our difficult children are usually at an emotional age equal to approx 2/3 of their chronological age. So being an emotional age of roughly 9-11 years is pretty typical for a 15yo difficult child. NOT that this means that you don't have to push her, just that it is not as unusual as it sounds.

    I too would want some specifics on how you are to "push" her to independence. A plan, maybe. I hope the intervention goes well. Make SURE you know what therapist will say beforehand. Have what you and easy child and girlfriend will say written out so you don't get side tracked. Just be SURE easy child and girlfriend don't tell her before the intervention.

  8. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Hugs. It is hard to push our difficult child's to do anything, especially when we are sick.