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Overwhelming Pain
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<blockquote data-quote="Jabberwockey" data-source="post: 661437" data-attributes="member: 18238"><p>Hello and welcome. Sorry you need to be here but you came to a good place with a ton of amassed knowledge and experience. My first suggestion would be to read the article at the beginning of the Emeritus forum on detaching. You're a mom and you want to run out and fix it, to protect your child. I get that as our son is in a similar situation except he has no diagnosis although we're fairly certain he is high functioning Aspie. The fundamental problem that you face her is that you CAN'T. And, more importantly, you shouldn't even if you could. Your daughter is an adult legally if not emotionally. Its her life, she will screw it up or she wont. Its all on her now.</p><p> </p><p>Sounds easy enough, right? Yeah, not so much. On paper it's very simple but putting it in practice will take time, experience, and mistakes on your part. Detaching is never easy. You will back slide, you will scream in frustration because you can see the stupidity and pain coming from the choices she is making but again, you have to remember that they are her choices to make. You have to become a bit of a cynic, but only a bit. Don't ever lose your love for your daughter, just don't allow her to manipulate and control your life. And make no mistake, with how she has you acting right now SHE is in control.</p><p></p><p>A couple of more things. First off, many people on this site will offer you advice. First and foremost is to take what you need and leave the rest. Just because it worked for me doesn't mean it will work for you. Second, when you feel you cant get your daughters problems out of your head just repeat this Polish proverb "Not my circus, not my monkeys!". Finally, although someone will probably add to this list, get help. Al-Anon, CODA, counseling, whatever it takes for you to survive this.</p><p></p><p>Oh, one more thing. You may want to put a signature on your posts so you don't have to keep repeating yourself when people are trying to figure out what's going on. You don't have to have a ton of detail, just enough to get the main point across.</p><p></p><p>Again, welcome to our crazy little corner of the internet!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jabberwockey, post: 661437, member: 18238"] Hello and welcome. Sorry you need to be here but you came to a good place with a ton of amassed knowledge and experience. My first suggestion would be to read the article at the beginning of the Emeritus forum on detaching. You're a mom and you want to run out and fix it, to protect your child. I get that as our son is in a similar situation except he has no diagnosis although we're fairly certain he is high functioning Aspie. The fundamental problem that you face her is that you CAN'T. And, more importantly, you shouldn't even if you could. Your daughter is an adult legally if not emotionally. Its her life, she will screw it up or she wont. Its all on her now. Sounds easy enough, right? Yeah, not so much. On paper it's very simple but putting it in practice will take time, experience, and mistakes on your part. Detaching is never easy. You will back slide, you will scream in frustration because you can see the stupidity and pain coming from the choices she is making but again, you have to remember that they are her choices to make. You have to become a bit of a cynic, but only a bit. Don't ever lose your love for your daughter, just don't allow her to manipulate and control your life. And make no mistake, with how she has you acting right now SHE is in control. A couple of more things. First off, many people on this site will offer you advice. First and foremost is to take what you need and leave the rest. Just because it worked for me doesn't mean it will work for you. Second, when you feel you cant get your daughters problems out of your head just repeat this Polish proverb "Not my circus, not my monkeys!". Finally, although someone will probably add to this list, get help. Al-Anon, CODA, counseling, whatever it takes for you to survive this. Oh, one more thing. You may want to put a signature on your posts so you don't have to keep repeating yourself when people are trying to figure out what's going on. You don't have to have a ton of detail, just enough to get the main point across. Again, welcome to our crazy little corner of the internet! [/QUOTE]
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