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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 728466" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Sherydoc and welcome. I am so sorry for your troubles with your son. It is hard to watch the shipwreck of our d cs choices, the drama and chaos it brings to our homes, the time and love we have vested in trying to get them on the straight and narrow. It is a natural reaction to be sad. I think it is important to honor your feelings, to work through them. It is akin to grieving, only our d cs are still on this earth, making horrendous choices.</p><p>Try not to write the end of the story, because we truly have no way of knowing how things will play out. One thing I do know, is that it is <em>intolerable </em>to live with an addicted, using adult child. Nothing changes, if nothing changes, and when we have tried just about everything to get our adult d cs to see the light, there is not much else we can do. I have learned through the years that housing my two does not make a difference in their choices, it just makes it easier for them to continue drugging, and brings misery and chaos to my home.</p><p>When I am overcome with sadness, I pray. I post here as well, it is cathartic to write things down and have understanding folks reply with their own experience and wisdom. It also helps me to realize how impossible it is to have my two live with me as long as they are using.</p><p>I also firmly believe that where there is life, there is hope. I continue to hope and pray that my two realize their true potential.</p><p>I have taken up a routine of walking. It helps to move and think through things. Journaling helps, finding time to meditate, reading and building my toolbox to strengthen myself against the waves of sadness that come and go.</p><p>Please know that you didn't cause this, can't cure or fix it and definitely can't control it.</p><p>Our d c's have grown up and will do as they do.</p><p>What you and your husband have done, in giving him a choice to straighten up or continue as is and leave, is really the best thing you could have done. It doesn't feel right at the moment, but it is.</p><p>When we house a using adult child, we are just making it easier for them to continue to use drugs, and use us. Disrespect for rules in our homes is unacceptable.</p><p>You matter. Your relationship with your husband and the sanctity of your home matters.</p><p>Be very kind to yourself. This is trying on our souls. If you have faith in a higher power, lean on that.</p><p>The article linked below is very good to read.</p><p><a href="https://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#ixzz4NPcnawgD" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#ixzz4NPcnawgD</a></p><p>Please know that your decision is not the end of the world for your son. It is a way for him to understand and live the consequences of his choices. We can't shield our loved ones from this, they have got to find out for themselves.</p><p>Many of us have found that attending groups like Al Anon, or seeking counseling or therapy has helped. A face to face with an understanding person helps.</p><p>You are going to be okay SD. Take things one day at a time. Find time to breathe.</p><p>You are not alone.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 728466, member: 19522"] Hi Sherydoc and welcome. I am so sorry for your troubles with your son. It is hard to watch the shipwreck of our d cs choices, the drama and chaos it brings to our homes, the time and love we have vested in trying to get them on the straight and narrow. It is a natural reaction to be sad. I think it is important to honor your feelings, to work through them. It is akin to grieving, only our d cs are still on this earth, making horrendous choices. Try not to write the end of the story, because we truly have no way of knowing how things will play out. One thing I do know, is that it is [I]intolerable [/I]to live with an addicted, using adult child. Nothing changes, if nothing changes, and when we have tried just about everything to get our adult d cs to see the light, there is not much else we can do. I have learned through the years that housing my two does not make a difference in their choices, it just makes it easier for them to continue drugging, and brings misery and chaos to my home. When I am overcome with sadness, I pray. I post here as well, it is cathartic to write things down and have understanding folks reply with their own experience and wisdom. It also helps me to realize how impossible it is to have my two live with me as long as they are using. I also firmly believe that where there is life, there is hope. I continue to hope and pray that my two realize their true potential. I have taken up a routine of walking. It helps to move and think through things. Journaling helps, finding time to meditate, reading and building my toolbox to strengthen myself against the waves of sadness that come and go. Please know that you didn't cause this, can't cure or fix it and definitely can't control it. Our d c's have grown up and will do as they do. What you and your husband have done, in giving him a choice to straighten up or continue as is and leave, is really the best thing you could have done. It doesn't feel right at the moment, but it is. When we house a using adult child, we are just making it easier for them to continue to use drugs, and use us. Disrespect for rules in our homes is unacceptable. You matter. Your relationship with your husband and the sanctity of your home matters. Be very kind to yourself. This is trying on our souls. If you have faith in a higher power, lean on that. The article linked below is very good to read. [URL='https://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#ixzz4NPcnawgD']http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#ixzz4NPcnawgD[/URL] Please know that your decision is not the end of the world for your son. It is a way for him to understand and live the consequences of his choices. We can't shield our loved ones from this, they have got to find out for themselves. Many of us have found that attending groups like Al Anon, or seeking counseling or therapy has helped. A face to face with an understanding person helps. You are going to be okay SD. Take things one day at a time. Find time to breathe. You are not alone. (((HUGS))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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