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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 728500" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>My son's problems...well drugs were a part, but maybe not the main part. He loved, and likely still does, love the herb. He mentioned once, in a rage, "getting over a serious drug problem all by himself"...I don't know what he meant. I didn't ask. Frankly, I don't want to know.</p><p></p><p>BUT, he is, at this point, in a place that I didn't really expect to see. We put our son out at 18 or 19, I can't even remember which. He was stealing from us and lying to us and smoking weed and we just wouldn't have it. We helped him get in a shelter and he was there for a few months, until he got a night job and then we helped him get a cheap, cockroach-infested apartment. We ended up paying for that ourselves and he let the power get shut off, etc. Fool me once - no more rent for him. He then couch surfed for a bit, would find a job and then quit. He drifted. Was going to do job corps, didn't go. Was caught shoplifting. Did community service and likely would have had some jail if I wasn't a lawyer. He left town and stayed with relatives and with a girl for a bit. Brought her back to town and had an apartment...we did help a bit with the deposit. She left and he had a fire and was homeless again. We finally let him come home for a while, with the stipulation he work and give US $100 of each paycheck to go toward a new place. In the end, after much drama concerning his useless friends, he took off to Colorado to be homeless where pot was legal. We paid for his train ticket so he could keep the almost $600 he had to live on. It was gone the first weekend.</p><p></p><p>Gosh, that sounds bad. BUT, there he found a nice girl and yes, mooched off her for a while, but has now had a job and been working. Lived with her and her parent's a while and just got a very nice apartment which he'll move into a month before his 23rd birthday. He seems to be making (mostly) mature choices and he's done things I never thought I'd see. Sending me a Christmas card. Texting me just to say hi.</p><p></p><p>Does my stomach still lurch when the phone rings? Yes. Do I still wait for the day he falls on his face? Yes. But things have gotten better and it really started to do so when he moved FAR away from us and even MORE when his driver's license expired (just under a year ago) and I couldn't send him any money because he had no ID. He HAD to take care of himself. It helped.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes, breaking the parent/child dynamic is not only best, it's mandatory. Nothing changes until you force it to change.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 728500, member: 17309"] My son's problems...well drugs were a part, but maybe not the main part. He loved, and likely still does, love the herb. He mentioned once, in a rage, "getting over a serious drug problem all by himself"...I don't know what he meant. I didn't ask. Frankly, I don't want to know. BUT, he is, at this point, in a place that I didn't really expect to see. We put our son out at 18 or 19, I can't even remember which. He was stealing from us and lying to us and smoking weed and we just wouldn't have it. We helped him get in a shelter and he was there for a few months, until he got a night job and then we helped him get a cheap, cockroach-infested apartment. We ended up paying for that ourselves and he let the power get shut off, etc. Fool me once - no more rent for him. He then couch surfed for a bit, would find a job and then quit. He drifted. Was going to do job corps, didn't go. Was caught shoplifting. Did community service and likely would have had some jail if I wasn't a lawyer. He left town and stayed with relatives and with a girl for a bit. Brought her back to town and had an apartment...we did help a bit with the deposit. She left and he had a fire and was homeless again. We finally let him come home for a while, with the stipulation he work and give US $100 of each paycheck to go toward a new place. In the end, after much drama concerning his useless friends, he took off to Colorado to be homeless where pot was legal. We paid for his train ticket so he could keep the almost $600 he had to live on. It was gone the first weekend. Gosh, that sounds bad. BUT, there he found a nice girl and yes, mooched off her for a while, but has now had a job and been working. Lived with her and her parent's a while and just got a very nice apartment which he'll move into a month before his 23rd birthday. He seems to be making (mostly) mature choices and he's done things I never thought I'd see. Sending me a Christmas card. Texting me just to say hi. Does my stomach still lurch when the phone rings? Yes. Do I still wait for the day he falls on his face? Yes. But things have gotten better and it really started to do so when he moved FAR away from us and even MORE when his driver's license expired (just under a year ago) and I couldn't send him any money because he had no ID. He HAD to take care of himself. It helped. Sometimes, breaking the parent/child dynamic is not only best, it's mandatory. Nothing changes until you force it to change. [/QUOTE]
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