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PamelaJ
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 26848" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>Pamela, I had a response all typed out last night but lost it in a storm we had.</p><p></p><p>"difficult child's bio father has many, many issues and he's not even adopted. He's had drug and alcohol problems for many years and has been in the pen for six years this time. Do you know anything about your difficult child's bio family?"</p><p></p><p>This statement probably gives you the best clue to his behavior. As I have been told, the character flaws or disorders that caused our daughter's b/m to act out in the way she did as most likely inherited by our daughter.</p><p></p><p>Last year we got in contact with our b/m and asked if she could help us understand difficult child's behavior. She told us (through the social worker) that everything difficult child was doing she did and worse. he promised to write difficult child a letter to try to help her. She never wrote that letter. It became obvious to us that she still did not have her life in order. </p><p></p><p>After finding out what I did last year it put everything into perspective. Our difficult child was doing the same things her b/m did even though she had no contact with her. We discovered that nature is just as important if not more important than nurture. We were naive in thinking almost 16 years ago that our love and stability would overcome any obstacle.</p><p></p><p>Your son must be struggling with some pretty powerful feelings knowing that his b/m placed him for adoption but kept four siblings. He must be feeling like he was bad and so he is trying to prove to himself and everyone else that he wasn't worthy of keeping. Even though he isn't expressing many feelings about the adoption, this has to weigh heavily on his mind.</p><p></p><p>Can you find him a hterapist that has experience with adoption issues? Someone he can talk to to put things into prespective?</p><p></p><p>Terry, the reason our adopted difficult child's take everything out on us Mom's is because that is where they place the anger they have for their b/m's. They blame us although we adopted them and gave them love and security but they look at it like we took them from their b/m. They don't think about the b/f's role in all of this and he is rarely the object of their anger.</p><p></p><p>Our difficult child found some pics of her b/m last year. She was a little shocked I think to see that her b/m had quite a weight problem. I know she was upset that her b/m never wrote the letter last year like she promised. It was shortly after that that she stopped talking about her b/m and how we weren't her real parents and she began trying to be part of the family.</p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 26848, member: 59"] Pamela, I had a response all typed out last night but lost it in a storm we had. "difficult child's bio father has many, many issues and he's not even adopted. He's had drug and alcohol problems for many years and has been in the pen for six years this time. Do you know anything about your difficult child's bio family?" This statement probably gives you the best clue to his behavior. As I have been told, the character flaws or disorders that caused our daughter's b/m to act out in the way she did as most likely inherited by our daughter. Last year we got in contact with our b/m and asked if she could help us understand difficult child's behavior. She told us (through the social worker) that everything difficult child was doing she did and worse. he promised to write difficult child a letter to try to help her. She never wrote that letter. It became obvious to us that she still did not have her life in order. After finding out what I did last year it put everything into perspective. Our difficult child was doing the same things her b/m did even though she had no contact with her. We discovered that nature is just as important if not more important than nurture. We were naive in thinking almost 16 years ago that our love and stability would overcome any obstacle. Your son must be struggling with some pretty powerful feelings knowing that his b/m placed him for adoption but kept four siblings. He must be feeling like he was bad and so he is trying to prove to himself and everyone else that he wasn't worthy of keeping. Even though he isn't expressing many feelings about the adoption, this has to weigh heavily on his mind. Can you find him a hterapist that has experience with adoption issues? Someone he can talk to to put things into prespective? Terry, the reason our adopted difficult child's take everything out on us Mom's is because that is where they place the anger they have for their b/m's. They blame us although we adopted them and gave them love and security but they look at it like we took them from their b/m. They don't think about the b/f's role in all of this and he is rarely the object of their anger. Our difficult child found some pics of her b/m last year. She was a little shocked I think to see that her b/m had quite a weight problem. I know she was upset that her b/m never wrote the letter last year like she promised. It was shortly after that that she stopped talking about her b/m and how we weren't her real parents and she began trying to be part of the family. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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