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PamelaJ
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<blockquote data-quote="timer lady" data-source="post: 26857" data-attributes="member: 393"><p>Pamela, Nancy & Terry,</p><p></p><p>The tweedles have displayed so much ambivalence toward me. There are many times when in a rage directed at me, I want to scream "WRONG MOM".</p><p></p><p>While I understand the conflict so many our adopted children experience, I am doing my best to keep kt & wm centered on the here & now. I agree with them that it's a sad thing to be separated from bio mom & the rest of the bio family...but I cannot change that. All we can concentrate on is the here & now. How do we make things better?</p><p></p><p>wm has a "treasure" box for his bio brother (who he has very vague memories of). If/when he ever connects with bio brother he wants to give it to him. </p><p></p><p>The tweedles are angry that their bio brother was adopted by maternal grandma & they weren't.</p><p></p><p>Again, I keep them centered on the here & now. I let therapist deal with their feelings of anger; let therapist teach them coping skills & to share those out of control thoughts in the office. </p><p></p><p>(husband & I are willing to speak with them about bio family if & when they are calm & reasonable.)</p><p></p><p>It doesn't work all the time, however, we're seeing a better level of control in kt; not so much wm. It's all a very fine balancing act.</p><p></p><p>And, in the end, the world isn't going to care that my tweedles are adopted. The world/society is going to expect a level of functionality & respect when the tweedles hit adult age.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="timer lady, post: 26857, member: 393"] Pamela, Nancy & Terry, The tweedles have displayed so much ambivalence toward me. There are many times when in a rage directed at me, I want to scream "WRONG MOM". While I understand the conflict so many our adopted children experience, I am doing my best to keep kt & wm centered on the here & now. I agree with them that it's a sad thing to be separated from bio mom & the rest of the bio family...but I cannot change that. All we can concentrate on is the here & now. How do we make things better? wm has a "treasure" box for his bio brother (who he has very vague memories of). If/when he ever connects with bio brother he wants to give it to him. The tweedles are angry that their bio brother was adopted by maternal grandma & they weren't. Again, I keep them centered on the here & now. I let therapist deal with their feelings of anger; let therapist teach them coping skills & to share those out of control thoughts in the office. (husband & I are willing to speak with them about bio family if & when they are calm & reasonable.) It doesn't work all the time, however, we're seeing a better level of control in kt; not so much wm. It's all a very fine balancing act. And, in the end, the world isn't going to care that my tweedles are adopted. The world/society is going to expect a level of functionality & respect when the tweedles hit adult age. [/QUOTE]
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