Hi, everyone.
I am a parent of a 17 y/o son, a 12 y/o son, and a 15 y/o daughter.
The problem is, and has been, my 17 y/o violent actions on his family over the course of the last year. He has been diagnosed with CD, and "mood disorder, unspecified". He has been violent toward the youngest sibling, had charges brought against him for domestic violence (which I had dropped last month, as that was over nine months ago and I felt my oldest son, being in football, had a turned a new leaf. The judge did drop the charges and I honestly, with all of my mothering heart, felt like I did the right thing--we'd had no problems with him since Feb).
Last month, however, he was suspended from school for assaulting another student. The football season has ended. He joined wrestling, only to drop out, avoiding his coach by text messaging himself from "Mom" that he had a "doctor's appointment and couldn't make practice," along with a slew of other excuses, to get out of going. I told him that I understood his not wanting to continue with wrestling, but that he needed to tell the coach, not avoid him and make up lies.
A few weeks ago I was told by another parent, that her son had overheard at school that mine and another student had been using alcohol, smoking cigars, "tried" pot, and used that other boy's mother's prescription vicodin. All of which my son adamantly denied. I banned him from going over there.
As we know, 17 y/o's find ways to get around that.
Lately I've noticed that not only has his physique gotten much more "huge"; he's 6'1" and over 200 pounds, but also his jaw. His face....how does the muscles in your jaw/face get bigger? I mean, this kid works out every day (or so he says; I've been known to go up there and not find him at the school where he says he was).
A fellow coworker stated to me just now, while I called into work, because I am so depressed, that she'd been told that my son and this same other boy have been using steroids.
This would explain most of it. Particularly the torrential mood swings.
I'm tired of walking on eggshells with him. I simply confronted him on the night of December 15th regarding two failing grades and reports from his teachers that he's wasting class time, asked for his cell phone until he brought his grades up......and he called me a "di$K,
, $natchface, b!tch, and worthless nothing." (Please forgive me for posting these offensive words--I wanted my post to be as clear as possible.)
Then, he jabbed me in the sternum. Four times. Followed my shoving me so hard, that I hit my right ear, right arm, and hip, followed by the back of my head, landing in the trash can. Covered in my own tears and coffee grounds.
We've been instructed by the counselors to call the police every time he is violent. My fiance did.
My son was arrested. He was bailed out by his girlfriend's family, lying, saying that he was arrested for striking my fiance', not me. Girlfriend's father apologized, saying "had I known he had hit YOU, I promise you he would have sat in jail." (My objective was to let him sit in jail until this weekend, so he had time to think about what he had done.)
Now he is staying with a friend of his. Court date is Jan 6. He is not allowed to be here on the property for six months.
My question:
Do any of you know of websites that outline foster care in Michigan for 17 year olds? I understand that he is an "adult" in the legal system, but a "minor" when it comes to his needs, medical, expenses, living expenses.
How can I get him out of this friend's house where he is staying? Can I? I don't want him there.
He assaulted me. Do I need to physically pay for his living expenses? Do I have to pay for foster care?
And....how can I go about getting a urinalysis...particularly when he is to have "no contact" with me for six months.
My heart is totally broken. I stare at the Christmas tree, and at his gifts, not knowing how I will handle Christmas. Without him. I know he needs a dose of reality....but trust me he is not getting it at this friend's house. He's probably getting sympathy and manipulating them to continue to use.
What are my rights.....what do I do.
I'm very sorry this is so long. I just need help so badly.
I really cannot miss another day of work due to this .... but I can't sleep. All I've done is cry. Lay in bed with the covers over my head. I feel so lost and empty. Then I feel angry....how could he have hit his OWN MOTHER.....he has never hit me before.
I sit in shock and heartbroken. But I need to start pulling myself together at some point, and face the unknown territory.
Any advice for me?
Thank you to whomever has read all of this; it truly means a lot to me.
Sincerely,
Butterfly
I am a parent of a 17 y/o son, a 12 y/o son, and a 15 y/o daughter.
The problem is, and has been, my 17 y/o violent actions on his family over the course of the last year. He has been diagnosed with CD, and "mood disorder, unspecified". He has been violent toward the youngest sibling, had charges brought against him for domestic violence (which I had dropped last month, as that was over nine months ago and I felt my oldest son, being in football, had a turned a new leaf. The judge did drop the charges and I honestly, with all of my mothering heart, felt like I did the right thing--we'd had no problems with him since Feb).
Last month, however, he was suspended from school for assaulting another student. The football season has ended. He joined wrestling, only to drop out, avoiding his coach by text messaging himself from "Mom" that he had a "doctor's appointment and couldn't make practice," along with a slew of other excuses, to get out of going. I told him that I understood his not wanting to continue with wrestling, but that he needed to tell the coach, not avoid him and make up lies.
A few weeks ago I was told by another parent, that her son had overheard at school that mine and another student had been using alcohol, smoking cigars, "tried" pot, and used that other boy's mother's prescription vicodin. All of which my son adamantly denied. I banned him from going over there.
As we know, 17 y/o's find ways to get around that.
Lately I've noticed that not only has his physique gotten much more "huge"; he's 6'1" and over 200 pounds, but also his jaw. His face....how does the muscles in your jaw/face get bigger? I mean, this kid works out every day (or so he says; I've been known to go up there and not find him at the school where he says he was).
A fellow coworker stated to me just now, while I called into work, because I am so depressed, that she'd been told that my son and this same other boy have been using steroids.
This would explain most of it. Particularly the torrential mood swings.
I'm tired of walking on eggshells with him. I simply confronted him on the night of December 15th regarding two failing grades and reports from his teachers that he's wasting class time, asked for his cell phone until he brought his grades up......and he called me a "di$K,
, $natchface, b!tch, and worthless nothing." (Please forgive me for posting these offensive words--I wanted my post to be as clear as possible.)Then, he jabbed me in the sternum. Four times. Followed my shoving me so hard, that I hit my right ear, right arm, and hip, followed by the back of my head, landing in the trash can. Covered in my own tears and coffee grounds.
We've been instructed by the counselors to call the police every time he is violent. My fiance did.
My son was arrested. He was bailed out by his girlfriend's family, lying, saying that he was arrested for striking my fiance', not me. Girlfriend's father apologized, saying "had I known he had hit YOU, I promise you he would have sat in jail." (My objective was to let him sit in jail until this weekend, so he had time to think about what he had done.)
Now he is staying with a friend of his. Court date is Jan 6. He is not allowed to be here on the property for six months.
My question:
Do any of you know of websites that outline foster care in Michigan for 17 year olds? I understand that he is an "adult" in the legal system, but a "minor" when it comes to his needs, medical, expenses, living expenses.
How can I get him out of this friend's house where he is staying? Can I? I don't want him there.
He assaulted me. Do I need to physically pay for his living expenses? Do I have to pay for foster care?
And....how can I go about getting a urinalysis...particularly when he is to have "no contact" with me for six months.
My heart is totally broken. I stare at the Christmas tree, and at his gifts, not knowing how I will handle Christmas. Without him. I know he needs a dose of reality....but trust me he is not getting it at this friend's house. He's probably getting sympathy and manipulating them to continue to use.
What are my rights.....what do I do.
I'm very sorry this is so long. I just need help so badly.
I really cannot miss another day of work due to this .... but I can't sleep. All I've done is cry. Lay in bed with the covers over my head. I feel so lost and empty. Then I feel angry....how could he have hit his OWN MOTHER.....he has never hit me before.
I sit in shock and heartbroken. But I need to start pulling myself together at some point, and face the unknown territory.
Any advice for me?
Thank you to whomever has read all of this; it truly means a lot to me.
Sincerely,
Butterfly
