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General Parenting
parenting a difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 36125" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>Hi,</p><p>I know I can speak for some parents who actually thank their difficult children for being a catalyst for tremendous emotional growth and learning and of course the special cyber family here. The kid has made me aware of my self , the need to be more in control of my emotions and learn to influence through ' working with , inspiring a kid, reaching out to him from the back door and not using 'power' or doing to him. For my kid to be a good problem solver and thinking child , he needed me to be a thinking parent and good problem solver , I have learned to connect , bond , use dialog questions to help him come to the conclusions , I have earned his trust and he sees me as a help. You don't parent , but need to become a friend , an older brother or sister, you need to talk and chat , they will then see you are also a person.</p><p>You have to go with the ' flow', it means lowering the rope , avoid saying no , reaching understandings etc , not easy and takes lots of practice. Alfie Kohn says - Discipline is the problem not the solution , we have to be more compatible, make the atmosphere more relaxed , in fact be the thermostat for our kids and help them relax and calm down.</p><p>The truth is that we can make it so much harder than it is . The first step is to try and relax the atmosphere and avoid confrontations. In most cases it is ignoring the advice of trying to get back control </p><p>Allan</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 36125, member: 10"] Hi, I know I can speak for some parents who actually thank their difficult children for being a catalyst for tremendous emotional growth and learning and of course the special cyber family here. The kid has made me aware of my self , the need to be more in control of my emotions and learn to influence through ' working with , inspiring a kid, reaching out to him from the back door and not using 'power' or doing to him. For my kid to be a good problem solver and thinking child , he needed me to be a thinking parent and good problem solver , I have learned to connect , bond , use dialog questions to help him come to the conclusions , I have earned his trust and he sees me as a help. You don't parent , but need to become a friend , an older brother or sister, you need to talk and chat , they will then see you are also a person. You have to go with the ' flow', it means lowering the rope , avoid saying no , reaching understandings etc , not easy and takes lots of practice. Alfie Kohn says - Discipline is the problem not the solution , we have to be more compatible, make the atmosphere more relaxed , in fact be the thermostat for our kids and help them relax and calm down. The truth is that we can make it so much harder than it is . The first step is to try and relax the atmosphere and avoid confrontations. In most cases it is ignoring the advice of trying to get back control Allan [/QUOTE]
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