Wynter has been very 'touchy' lately, for lack of a better word. My patience has been thin and she's been hypersensitive and irritable and it came to a head tonight. It is devastating to hear your daughter tell you that she dreams of not living here, of finding her father who she doesn't even know and living with him even though he abandoned her. And that she dreams of dying. First, I asked her if she thought she needed to go to the hospital, if she was thinking about killing herself. She said no, she's not going to kill herself, but she sometimes thinks she'd just be happier and she's so miserable every day and sometimes she doesn't see the point. I'm not going to go into all of the details because I just can't. I'm weary and my mommy heart hurts too much. But, I've been so much into the 'fix it' mode that I didn't realize that she just needs to be heard sometimes. And when I can't fix it, I feel inadequate and frustrated and helpless and I haven't reacted very well. Wynter is a fighter. She wakes up every day and she tries. I see her trying so hard and putting one foot in front of the other and I admire her so much for that. She has so much strength and she doesn't give up. Ever. But I didn't let her know that, I guess. I was so busy being in fix it mode that I didn't realize that she just needs me to hear her. Or I did realize it, but lost track of it along the way. Or I got frustrated and weary. So, I think I'm going to leave most of the 'fixing' up to the therapist (that will be a couple of months) and I'm just going to be her mom.