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Failure to Thrive
'Parenting' my 50-year old younger brother
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<blockquote data-quote="SonBrotherFather" data-source="post: 761415" data-attributes="member: 28137"><p>Thanks so much for responding. And no apologies needed. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I am 1st generation, so I don't follow the customs my mom does.</p><p></p><p>My able-bodied 50-year old brother lives on his own; barely. He has a job making $12/hr. So after he pays his rent, bills and gas, he has less than $50/month leftover for food, etc. Paycheck-to-paycheck; maxed out credit card and no emergency fund. He drives a 22-year old vehicle that needs more maintenance than it's worth (and of course he always asks for my mom to pay it). </p><p></p><p>He stopped speaking to me when I told him he should get a 2nd job OR a better paying job. I also told him it was shameful for him to be relying on his 81-year old mom to supplement his income because he won't do what he needs to do to become self-sufficient. During the past 3 years, I've tried to communicate with my brother with kindness and understanding, but when I discovered he is just lazy and has no motivation to better his situation, I've been more harsh in my dealings with him. </p><p></p><p>My main focus now is my mom. But she has a hard time with how I am handling things. She feels I should do everything I can (since I am the oldest) to help him (even financially). She refuses to understand what enabling is. Sadly, some of my elders feel the same way as my mom too. </p><p></p><p>When my brother and I were speaking, I once told him that if he ever came to me and said he was going to be evicted, I told I would help him.....<em>move things out</em>. No help financially.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SonBrotherFather, post: 761415, member: 28137"] Thanks so much for responding. And no apologies needed. :) I am 1st generation, so I don't follow the customs my mom does. My able-bodied 50-year old brother lives on his own; barely. He has a job making $12/hr. So after he pays his rent, bills and gas, he has less than $50/month leftover for food, etc. Paycheck-to-paycheck; maxed out credit card and no emergency fund. He drives a 22-year old vehicle that needs more maintenance than it's worth (and of course he always asks for my mom to pay it). He stopped speaking to me when I told him he should get a 2nd job OR a better paying job. I also told him it was shameful for him to be relying on his 81-year old mom to supplement his income because he won't do what he needs to do to become self-sufficient. During the past 3 years, I've tried to communicate with my brother with kindness and understanding, but when I discovered he is just lazy and has no motivation to better his situation, I've been more harsh in my dealings with him. My main focus now is my mom. But she has a hard time with how I am handling things. She feels I should do everything I can (since I am the oldest) to help him (even financially). She refuses to understand what enabling is. Sadly, some of my elders feel the same way as my mom too. When my brother and I were speaking, I once told him that if he ever came to me and said he was going to be evicted, I told I would help him.....[I]move things out[/I]. No help financially. [/QUOTE]
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'Parenting' my 50-year old younger brother
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