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Parent Emeritus
Parents of Estranged Children: Help and Healing
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 655054" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I'm am still not sure what "forgiving" means. I never will understand as to me it requires remorse on the part of the person you have forgiven.</p><p></p><p>But I do know that if you spend most of your life worried about the past and wrongs done to you, whatever they are, you will never find peace, harmony or serenity. Most of the time, I can place the past and the flawed people who were toxic to me into a little box I imagined up with my therapist. It is a paper box that goes in a closet in a basement far from myself and I place old memories there and tie them up with a ribbon. That is my idea of moving on. Usually I can. Once in a while something comes up and they get out of the closet and I am my worst enemy then until I catch them again and put them back in the box. I have had to do that recently and I have.</p><p></p><p>Some people who are flawed I can look away from. I mean, everyone I've ever met is flawed in some way. My father has a hot temper too, but I have put my foot down on him yelling at me and we are closer now and it does not happen as often and I always remove myself when it does. Others will stay in the box.</p><p></p><p>Until we live in the beauty of NOW we can not find contentment. If we learn our own triggers and prepare for them, we are better able to forgive the people who are doing what upsets us or we have an easier time tying that box shut or forgiving and moving on. It also helps if we stop questioning "why did this happen?" We really will never know. I gave up the "why" of anything this week and it has added to my feeling of peace and freedom.</p><p></p><p>Tanya, this part is so important. It doesn't matter if anybody else validates your reality. It was and is what it was and is to you. We need to let go of the need for others to see things our way, even if it hurts us that they could have overlooked. I have radically accepted that my reality is mine alone, but my reality is very real to me.</p><p></p><p>I have shared too much in the past. Our precious memories are often held against us in the hands of the wrong people.</p><p></p><p>I talk to you people here, because you understand and I know you, but don't know you (if you get what I mean). And I confide to my mental health professionals. That's enough.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 655054, member: 1550"] I'm am still not sure what "forgiving" means. I never will understand as to me it requires remorse on the part of the person you have forgiven. But I do know that if you spend most of your life worried about the past and wrongs done to you, whatever they are, you will never find peace, harmony or serenity. Most of the time, I can place the past and the flawed people who were toxic to me into a little box I imagined up with my therapist. It is a paper box that goes in a closet in a basement far from myself and I place old memories there and tie them up with a ribbon. That is my idea of moving on. Usually I can. Once in a while something comes up and they get out of the closet and I am my worst enemy then until I catch them again and put them back in the box. I have had to do that recently and I have. Some people who are flawed I can look away from. I mean, everyone I've ever met is flawed in some way. My father has a hot temper too, but I have put my foot down on him yelling at me and we are closer now and it does not happen as often and I always remove myself when it does. Others will stay in the box. Until we live in the beauty of NOW we can not find contentment. If we learn our own triggers and prepare for them, we are better able to forgive the people who are doing what upsets us or we have an easier time tying that box shut or forgiving and moving on. It also helps if we stop questioning "why did this happen?" We really will never know. I gave up the "why" of anything this week and it has added to my feeling of peace and freedom. Tanya, this part is so important. It doesn't matter if anybody else validates your reality. It was and is what it was and is to you. We need to let go of the need for others to see things our way, even if it hurts us that they could have overlooked. I have radically accepted that my reality is mine alone, but my reality is very real to me. I have shared too much in the past. Our precious memories are often held against us in the hands of the wrong people. I talk to you people here, because you understand and I know you, but don't know you (if you get what I mean). And I confide to my mental health professionals. That's enough. [/QUOTE]
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