Parking tickets arrived in the mail

[skeeter]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: katmom</div><div class="ubbcode-body">
10. Disconnect the battery cables in the car. She may have the keys, but it won't run anymore!
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Actually, I was going to advise letting the air out of the tires. Pay the tickets, but in no way, shape, or form let her drive again until she has a job (actually, I wouldn't let her drive again until she at least had a plan to pay you back for the tickets, but that's me).

There is NO way I would call "for her" for the job.

Do you have a walkman or Ipod? When she starts screaming, put it on and ignore her. So what if the neighbors hear? What are they going to do? It's not like they can call CPS on you.

Are you both in the house during the day? If so, YOU need to get out. Find a class to take. Go to the library and read a book. Volunteer somewhere. Anything so you aren't there and "available".

I know it's tough. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Kathy813]

Oh Sue,

She sure has you trained.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">If we took them from her purse, she would scream and swear and not let up. I know husband would give in. </div></div>

All she has to do is pitch a fit and she gets what she wants. That sounds more like a two-year-old.

I think katmom summed it up nicely. Nothing is going to change until you make it happen.

Where in the world does she need to drive to anyway? If she's not working or going to school, then she doesn't need a car.

And the answer to your last question is no, absolutely not, no way in you know where.

She will only stop acting like a two-year-old when it doesn't work anymore.

I know this is hard. Sending hugs.

~Kathy

 

[DammitJanet]

Sue...I understand...truly I do.

I have an idea on the car keys. Sometimes we have to outsmart the kids and the enablers. If she has the only keys...get them when no one is looking and hide them. Let everyone think she has misplaced them. Oops!

Cellphone...you can fix things so that she cant text on it. Or confiscate it and hide it too...oops...must have lost that too. She is getting awfully forgetful isnt she?

Trust me I have had to hide many things and sneak them out of Corys hot little hands when he is asleep.

 

[Sue C]

Well, Melissa called the bike warehouse on her own! She was told the man in charge was out 'til Monday and she would be called if they want to interview her. Thanks for the advice that I should not be the one to call. I know she needs to be the one to pursue getting a job, but she is dragging her feet.

As far as taking away the car and cell phone, I know that husband would NEVER do it. He hates confrontation and he just won't do it. Like I said, he thinks she's going to change and everything will start falling into place once she gets a job.

katmom -- I will try to put some of your suggestions into practice.

KFld -- There just is no way husband will go to counseling. It was hard enough to get him to go years ago when it was Melissa going and we got 15 minutes out of the hour.

skeeter -- Yes, Melissa and I are in the house all day together (I haven't been able to find a part-time job yet). husband works out in the shop on our property and comes in on/off during the day (except on Saturday and Sunday when he works away from the home). I have on occasion left the house, but I feel so mad that I have to do that.

Kathy -- Yes, Melissa does act like a 2 yr old. husband and I say that all the time. We tell her that. But it gets us nowhere just talking about it. All talk plus no action equals frustration. I know.

Thanks everyone for caring,
Sue

 

[1905]

My difficult child was a total bum-ruling the roost, wrecking the house, stealing...His answer to get a job was..."Why should I?" he didn't care, that not caring was something I couldn't change and that is exactly how he acted-cursing at us,telling me how he was going to hurt me...now he is out of here and I have no relationship with him at this time(over a year)(husband does, though) BUT he works, has benefits and supports himself. BECAUSE HE HAS NO CHOICE. He can hold it together enough to work. He has ODD. I'm happy he can take care of himself. There was no other way to get to this point. On the one hand it breaks my heart, but on the other I'm so happy he is a productive member of society. Your difficult child is just going to get older, and it will be harder if you keep letting this go on. She will surprise you and rise to the occasion. Of course expect her to have a "fit" in some form or another while she waits for you to change your mind and do something to get her out of her "mess". Help her come up with a plan. She loves where she is at and thrives on the craziness and doesn't give a darn about you or husband. You two are taking care of her and thats fine with her, why would she ever want to change that and help herself? Make her. You have to for her sake. And your sanity.-Alyssa

 

[PonyGirl]

:warrior: You are welcome, anytime, Sue my friend. BUT, Melissa is not, and neither is husband! :blush: JUST you & me girlfriend!!

Oh, and you too, Janet, and fedup! Directions to my house? 2nd Star on your right, and straight on til morning!! :laugh:

I'm glad Suz asked for clarification, and you gave your answer to us. Vent away! We'll be here, gently prodding, strong shoulders. Pointing fingers, whispering advice, nodding our heads. You'll know when you're ready. You'll know when you're strong enough.

Melissa's situation IS different from Angela's, isn't it. M isn't abusing chemicals, and she's an entirely different person than her sister.

Take care of yourself through this! :cool: Bubble baths, Favorite Songs, Candy Bars!! :cool: (((HUGS))))

Peace

 

[WhymeMom?]

Sue, Just thinking of you and your situation. I know you said husband wouldn't go to counseling, but how about going for yourself. If you find a good counselor they can give you suggestions on how to handle situations to diffuse whats going on. It is always difficult when parents aren't working together. Take a little time for yourself to gain strength.

Sending you any spare strength I can.... :flower:

 

[AliceLee]

Hi Sue, sorry I'm a little late replying. I know how frustrating it is when you want to take a stand with difficult child, but husband isn't on board. My husband and I separated for a while, partly because of that.

I really liked Katmom's advice about things to stop doing for her and things to do for yourself!

Also, if no one else will go to counseling, you might want to go by yourself. Its time to focus on getting what YOU want for a while!

Hang in there--

 

[hearthope]

I have just read all the post and Sue you seem to be on a terrible ride.

I wonder how husband would respond if you asked him what he hopes Melissa will have for a future?

Does he dream of her marrying ~ If she is still throwing tantrums of a 2 yr old at age 21, I don't think that will happen.

Does he dream of a career ~ if she puts all the responsibilty of life on the two of you she will never acheive that.

Being an outsider and looking in to what you have shared with us, Melissa is being allowed to not grow-up. This is very sad because she has her whole future ahead of her, but she will never see any of it for herself as long as her parents are allowing her to continue on the path she is taking.

It seems like husband is trying to sheild her from reality, because reality is life is hard. To acheive any satisfaction from life one must fall down and learn life lessons.
Everyone will fall, it is what we chose to do with our life lessons that makes us who we are.

Part of love is letting go. We all want to shelter our children from pain and disappointment, but in love we let them go, so that they will mature and grow and be able to experience life for themseles.

 

[SunnyFlorida]

Everyone has their breaking point, or their line in the sand that says "I'm done". Obviously your husband is "not there yet". That's ok.....many of us aren't there yet either :smile: It's a good/bad thing.

I/we pretty much understand the predicament you are in. You want to make some changes but not only is difficult child standing in your way but husband is too. Sooooooooooooo what can you do? Well you can not purchase anything but basic food, basic clothing, no extra's whatsoever. You don't have to pay for treats or fun places to go, or designer clothes, or movies, or sodas, or chips, etc.

One day years ago, difficult child 1 kicked the windshield and it cracked and we had to pay for it. Because he had no income, our family budget had to be reduced by the amount of our bill. The only way to do that was to restrict all the extras and put a dollar amount to them. That way difficult child got the message and didn't get to have all the fun stuff to wear, eat, or do for about 2months.