Parole Officer just called

[klmno]

and now I feel a little about about difficult child's "plan". He said if I would not take difficult child upon release that he would have to find another place for him to go. I stressed that I was not sayying that I never wanted difficult child to come back home to live, just that I thought he needed a transitional place in order to have a better chance of making it in mainstream and living at home. He asked me what exactly I thought being in a group home could give him. (The good news in that was that he referred to a group home- not being turned over to dss.) Anyway, we talked a bit about it and I'm going to wait until my meeting at Department of Juvenile Justice next week and see if they will provide family therapy while difficult child is in there- that will make a difference to me.

Also, they guy reassured me a little more that he wasn't like the probation officer- it will take a lot to get rid of my excess baggage over that B****. LOL!

He said he visited and met difficult child last week and that the people at Department of Juvenile Justice said that difficult child was one of the best kids they had in there! I complimented and thanked him for the pointers he gave me about gangs and bullies, which I had passed onto difficult child.

I also suggested that the kids coming out of Department of Juvenile Justice need some sort of support group lead by a parole officer or trained mentor. My feeling is that these kids going back into mainstream need time to be around other kids with similar backgrounds who are trying to adjust and stay out of trouble and they need to be able to voice the frustrations of it and get input from someone who can give them real-life advice of how to handle dealing with trying to make new friends and handle "real" school again, etc. He said he thought that was a good idea- but of course, they don't have that. (Well, geez, that would be a minimal cost to provide and may even be cheaper in the long run since instead of a private company being contracted by the hour to give individual mentoring or supervision is done, they could combine some of those for group meetings.)

 

[lovemysons]

So glad you have such good communication with this parole officer...is it a "parole officer" or a "probation" officer?

What a nice compliment to get on your son being one of the best kids in there.
And good suggestion of the support group...I think you're right that these kids need help transitioning back into mainstream/realworld school and all.

Thinking of you and your son and hoping for all the best in your future's.
Tammy

 

[klmno]

Parole- they use probation officers if a kid is trying to avoid or just coming out of detention (being the lock-up facility of the local jurisdiction). Once a kid is turned over to state Department of Juvenile Justice and incarcerated by the state (meaning juvenile prison), they get parole officers from there on out.

I'm just getting to know this guy and have been leary because he works with the same people (probation, etc) and at the same place and that didn't go well at all for difficult child and me last year.

 

[DammitJanet]

I think you have a good parole officer there. It sounds like difficult child is adapting well to his placement. Many kids do well in these types of settings. Stepping down into a group home may be a good idea. It would give him a little more freedom while still having some limits and controls on him. Cory was in several group homes. Some good, some not so good.

My low down on group homes is that they have 24 hour supervision with rotating staff and the kids live in bedroom with 2 to 3 in a room. They have daily chores to help around the house with things like they would do at home such as laundry, cleaning, cooking, dishes. Some do yard work...some places dont. They usually go to school in the community. Staff transports to doctors and mental health. They normally have fairly open visitation but some do have stricter visitation days. (I didnt like those) Most work on a point system for behavior mod. Kids earn rewards like tv time and game time.

 

[Star*]

klmno -

If possible - ask for the names of the placements they are considering and then call them. Make an appointment and then go. Then go by a couple other times -unannounced.

Dude, like Cory his twin brother - has been in several. Also some good, some not so good. The last one I had shut down by the state.

Sounds like maybe good people and nice words are being put in your path.

I think it's the hair cut....lol

GOOD on ya - and GREAT to hear about your son doing so well.

 

[klmno]

I don't think they would let me choose which group home and apparently, the choice would be limited because they have waiting lists. The PO is strongly discouraging this. Everyone (in the system) says it's a bad idea because of the type of boys difficult child would be living with. Well HELLO- they have him with gang leaders, sex offenders, and murderers now. I'll talk to him some more about it when he calls next month- that should still give him ample time to get difficult child on a waiting lists that takees months to get thru. Besides the transition that I think is important, I have a problem with them expecting me to turn my home into an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and provide difficult child with constant supervision, running to tons of appts, etc, and still work enough to provide for him while they tell me what to do. They can foot the bill for a group home and paid employees if that's what they want difficult child to have.

 

[DammitJanet]

Star...we have been through some horrendous placements...lol.

One group home Cory was in got shut down while he was there. I got a call at midnight telling me I had to pick him up NOW! He was standing at a gas station in his boxers. Cop told me if I didnt get there right then they would take him to juvey. I exceeded the speed limit getting to him in the next town...lol. Seems this home was under investigation when they placed him because of sexual allegations while they had both males and females but then one of the staff had just got caught setting fire to a local high school that day and they closed the home ASAP! One of the more interesting encounters.

 

[crazymama30]

I think it is good that you and parole officer seem to have a good way of communicating. It seems much better than the probation officer.

I hope I did not get those terms mixed up. I am not familiar with them and quite honestly hope I never am.

 

[DammitJanet]

Best group home Cory was ever in was his last one.

Little rinky dink house that was run by this African American family. I think most of their family was involved as staff. I think there was only one other kid in the home that was white other than Cory. I think they had 6 or 7 boys all from say 13 to 17. Cory was 16 but he turned 17 and stayed until almost Xmas...like 2 weeks before Xmas. The house was small but they were so nice. They adored the kids but they really loved Cory. They were great to us. They called us all the time. Invited us to dinner on Sundays.

They tried so hard with Cory. They told him if he got his HS diploma he could come back and work with them and they would give him an old truck they had. When he left two weeks before Xmas they made me bring him back on Xmas so he could get the presents that they had bought for him. It wasnt a whole lot, just some pants and a few shirts and a sweater but he still has them today.

They used to call us from time to time to ask about him but they havent in about two years. I think they stopped when his old case manager moved on. They were such nice people.

 

[CrazyinVA]

I looked at a group home for Youngest after Residential Treatment Center (RTC), but that was a different situation. The one I visited in my county was much like Janet described. I was talked out of it... by the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and Youngest. I'm still not sure if it would have been better or not ... but at that point she wanted to come home so badly, and was doing SO well, I agreed to her coming straight home. Of course, she went back to school the next week ... a therapeutic school, mind you ... and on the very first day, was caught smoking pot in the parking lot. It went downhill (again) from there until she got pregnant. The positive was, she wasn't suicidal any more (self-destructive, but not suicidal! lol)

Anyway.... I suspect that "they" will not immediately offer a group home as a step-down simply because it costs them more.. it always seems to come down to funding with the county(ies). But you've planted that seed in the parole officer's head early on, and that's good. Given the history at home, and the fact that he is doing so well in a structured environment, it makes sense that he should transition to step-down instead of coming straight home. But then, we all know that what makes "sense" doesn't always happen!

 

[Jena]

Hey,

I'm glad to hear he is doing ok in there, and yes that's a great thing to hear regarding his behavior.

your so on target regarding the transitioning thing prior to returning to home and school and life. it's great that the communication is flowing with this new guy who is on board.

you got a hair cut????