Part 2 - Cell phones and difficult child's

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Sheila, Feb 9, 2009.

  1. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    So, husband thinks difficult child may need a phone. I’ve already said a “resounding no.” But, I know exactly what’s going on.

    Fran’s locking her boys in the SUV driving down the highway for “the talk,” is in reverse here. difficult child is way ahead of dad. Every day on the way to school and on the return trip, difficult child is badgering husband for a cell phone. husband just wants to get difficult child one so difficult child will SHUT UP ABOUT IT.

    difficult child was temporarily in a program wherein he didn’t get out of school until 4:15 pm. So we had bus transportation written into the IEP.

    By this time I’m recooperating from surgery and dad is having to be a full-time dad and also the Warrior Dad. (Did you know he can’t get a dang thing done having to parent difficult child 24/7? Yea, yea my heart bleeds for him. Know exactly what he means.)

    First day. difficult child goes to get on the bus and he’s stopped. Bus driver tells difficult child, “I don’t go that way.” School is locked and the two teachers there will not allow difficult child to use their phones (assuming they have a cell on them).

    So I get a call about 4:45 or 5:00 pm.. I didn’t recognize the number on the caller ID, but it’s difficult child. He called to tell me he was walking to after-school care with “some other kids” (+/-3 miles from school along a busy highway and through a dangerous area), and somebody stopped and offered him a ride. Talk about coming out of a drug induced stupor. :faint::faint: Turned out it was a boy difficult child had been in 4th grade with-and his mom stopped and delivered difficult child to his appointed destination.

    Day 2. husband talks to somebody when he drops difficult child off. Explained what had happened, expressed his displeasure – everything will be ok he’s told. I email the AP. difficult child goes to get on the bus on day 2, and they won’t let him on because he “lives out of district.”

    This time though, they produced a cell phone so he could call a parent. difficult child called me; I called husband—he was ticked. He had to leave a crew working and run pick up difficult child. Good thing he wasn’t out-of-town, because I couldn’t drive. And YES, they knew I couldn’t drive.

    From that day forward, husband picked difficult child up everyday at 4:15 pm. However, it was proved to me that we can trust our child with absolutely no one. It upset husband so badly that he bought difficult child a cell phone anyway. They didn’t leave me a leg to stand on, and it scared the begeebers out of me also.

    difficult child got his cell on a Friday night. I told husband he was in charge of monitoring difficult child’s cell phone use – I’m just not up to it right now. So, husband is back at the phone store on Monday trying to get restrictions in place, yadda, yadda. difficult child had already sent 792 text messages. husband couldn’t believe it. I just roflmbo at husband. (Welcome to parenting 201.)

    By they difficult child had already downloaded ringtones. It’s been quiet amusing watching husband try to catch up with-difficult child. Lol

    husband restricted the phone during school hours and after 9:00 pm on school nights. Weekends the restriction kicks in at 11:00 pm (too late in my opinion).

    My rules are only:
    1) THE VERY FIRST TIME I hear from the school about it being out of pocket or binder on the school grounds – it’s gone.

    2) When grounded from the phone, that means cell phone also.

    And I must say that thus far the cell phone has been a right nice little carrot for when I need to use the “big stick.”

    Another funny about difficult child and husband. difficult child spent the night with-a friend of his Saturday. husband was checking usage Monday. husband said there was a ton of calls on difficult child’s phone from the boy that difficult child was spending the night with – and at the time difficult child was there. husband asked him what that was about. difficult child and friend were playing hide and seek using their cell phone as the item to be found….. husband just shook his head….

    I’m feeling rather relaxed these days. Course, now, husband is totally worn out. roflol;)
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry about the bus problems. Very irresponsible of school. It is rather humorous, I must say, to hear about your husband trying to catch up to difficult child on the cell phone issue.

    I am glad your husband is handling this stuff so you can rest and heal. I hope you feel better soon. And that husband keeps handling at least some of this stuff.

    One thing my kids know if that if the phone is taken away at school, it is gone and the bill is THEIRS. The part for their phone. No adult in our home will go and pick up a phone from the office, and the office won't give them back. So that is one of our rules.

    The ONLY reason Jess got a phone was that she was going into the middle school with potential heart problems and the school is HUGE - she might have needed to call 911 for herself. Thankfully she didn't have the heart problem, but we still have the phone. And it is handy. But we don't "do" ringtones or texts. It ends the phone privilege for her.

    Wiz and his phone are my parents' issue. He is quite responsible with his also. Tyler thinks he "needs" one, but unless some major problem occurs, he will be at least a teen before he gets a phone. He tried to tell me "all" his classmates have phones. Only 4 kids in ALL 3 3rd grade classes have phones! NONE in his classroom!
  3. compassion

    compassion Member

    I am hugely relived to have a break from this. At Residential Treatment Center (RTC), no cell phones, she cannot call anyone but family at this point.
    We are still gonig through her texts/ contacts, etc. When she was so manic/using/out of control the last 3 weeks before admission, she refused to give me the phone. Most of the people on there are inappropriate.

    It will be a long time before I have to deal with this as she wil be in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for 6 months.
    Most likely, it will be very gradual use if at all.
    I reall have n't put a lot of foucs on this. I may supsend the serivce for now. I got her a Sidekick for Chirstmas, thought it would be a good motivator but realize way too unstable to handle the unsupervised peer pressure that results.
    Hopefully she would be able to at some point have safe people to call and recive from.
    I got unlimteed texting plan becasue she ran up hundreds and hundreds with texts.
    Personally, I don't see the point of the emial,etc, it is so small
    The bottom line, mootring is essential. When she gets unstable, she changes the passowrds and I cn't get into her My Space account.
    I think I probalby will allow her Occupational Therapist (OT) have like 5 names in there that I monitor daily and if she can't accept that, it gets suspended. Thnks for this discussion!!I think no My Space. Compassion
  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I am lovin' hearing how husband is handling difficult child on his own!!!
  5. Janna

    Janna New Member

    I love your sarcasm. Cracks me up! I wonder if husband is already regretting the purchase, and if not, how long it'll take? LOL!

    You just keep reminding me that I DO NOT wanna go the cell phone route until the age of 21 with my kids LOL!
  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    This is priceless!!


  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Carrots are great!!!

    So sorry your husband has that huge bill for 792 text msgs. Even PCs do that. ;)

    Yes, my difficult child has talked on the ph to his friends when they're in the same house, too. It's a new toy.

    I'd suggest Walkie-Talkies. They're cheaper.
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think this is so cute!

    I also phone from one phone to the other in the same house...hey..its like a tiny intercom!
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    792 texts? He'll improve as time goes on...Miss KT made it to 10,000 last month. I got the unlimited text plan; it was easier than fussing at her all the time, and cheaper than paying for each text individually.

    Hope you're feeling better!
  10. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just something I've learned while trying to keep up with my difficult child's cell phone use:

    They will say they are going somewhere with so-and-so and then you see calls or texts to that person during the time they say they were with them. Don't believe it's because they were playing the find the phone game. Usually they are getting their cover stories straight. I don't know what provider you have but mine allows me to download her contacts onto the computer so I know everyone she's calling and can call them if I have any trouble tracking difficult child down.

  11. I can't wait to go out of town for work in March and leave husband with difficult child and easy child both . . . somehow he's "forgotten" how challenging difficult child can be lately.

    I gave in when difficult child was 11; I was absolutely opposed to it; husband is all into electronics and saw it as a simple thing. I finally gave in, it was the best thing I ever did. difficult child is pretty good about answering me when I call to find out where he is, he can check in with us, etc. difficult child even sleeps with his cell phone; so he's pretty attached to it and I finally had a tool I could use for consequences that kind-of works.

    The only problem we had was heavy use at night with calls/texts; solved that by shutting off service from 10:30 pm to 6:00 am. Save yourself some money; buy the bigger texting packaging if you can. We didn't at first and spent a ton the first month of two; difficult child didn't know that it cost extra.