DS' birthday party was okay - not great, but okay. There was a small amount of family drama unrelated to DS, but it did not ruin the evening. DS was delighted with his birthday gift and was pleasant throughout, though he did grow testy at the very end of the evening as he was leaving. However, he was very kind and respectful to my wife and kissed her goodbye on his way out the door. This makes my wife so happy, and I am so happy for her. YS was a delight as he always is. I am left with a silhouette-like impression of DS morphing into Difficult Adult Child or DAC as I suppose I will end up calling him here. He is just 17 but carries himself as if he is much older.There is something just - not right about him. I don't know if that makes any sense, but he is very cold and detached, as if he just can't connect to others in a warm and caring way. Add in his lifelong history of aggression and this is definitely someone I want to keep at a distance. I noticed a distinct chilliness between DS and myself; this is new, but I don't think it's bad. It is not anything overt that would upset my wife, just something that I sense. I do not trust him and on some level I think he may suspect that I am "on" to him. At the very least, he is aware that it was me who pushed his biological parents into hospitalizing him and then, evaluating him for an IEP. Perhaps he blames me for this. In any case, it is healthiest for me to not only detach from DS and his life choices but also from the very dysfunctional family system created over years by my wife, her ex-husband and these children. I will be here for my wife and for YS. I don't think DS would reach out to me, but if he did, I would do the best I could for him as well, just at a distance.