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Past, Present, Future -- Seeking Your Collective Wisdom?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 635625" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I think what you're talking about is probably pretty prevalent here.</p><p></p><p>For me, I've had to work at it. There is a good book you might want to read called Waking the tiger, healing trauma by Peter A. Levine. It was helpful to me in letting go of trauma.</p><p></p><p>In addition, any book by the Buddhist nun Pema Chodron helped me a lot, she seems to understand how to live in uncertainty and chaos and has good insights. I read ALL her books and found them very soothing. Books by Brene Brown, Daring Greatly in particular and she has a wonderful video you can access on Youtube, just look for Brene Brown, the one on Shame is fabulous. Very helpful.</p><p></p><p>I look at it like this. When we repeatedly feel fear, we actually dig a new neural pathway in our brain. We have to actively dig a new one to combat that first one or every time we feel a tinge of fear we go full force down the fear highway straight in to HELL. So, how I've been doing that is by trying to retrain my responses, my reactions, my thought processes. Getting kicked in the gut repeatedly with fear from our difficult child's behaviors keeps us in that fight or fright, which is very damaging to our systems over a long period of time. I have approached this damage in a number of ways.</p><p></p><p>I worked with a nutrition expert in finding vitamins, minerals and flower essences to relieve long term stress and fear. I meditate. I do relaxation exercises, or yoga, breathing exercises and definitely exercise on a regular basis. I eat well, avoiding sugar, carbs, gluten and alcohol. I've educated myself about what goes in to my body and causes inflammation which causes stress to the body. I regularly go to an acupuncturist, a massage therapist and a reflexologist.</p><p></p><p>I've learned, for me, that living with mental illness for most of my life and having a difficult child has taken an enormous toll over the years, so I have to put an enormous effort into ME, into MY care and MY well being. I've researched much to come up with my own plan of action and it works. Over time, my whole system has calmed down considerably so I just don't have those same responses. It's taken a lot of work and a lot of time, but my intention was very strong to feel healthy, whole and complete and not go barreling down the difficult child highway at top speed whenever the phone rang or I received a call from a jail.</p><p></p><p>For me it had a lot to do with shifting the focus off of my difficult child onto me and making me the priority. Being a reformed enabler, a codependent and a nurturer, this has been a big task, believe me, but it can be done. And, it ain't easy either. I required a lot of help and still do. I just yesterday signed up for a new women's group, lead by a psychologist.......the group is for women in transition. I like groups and get a lot out of them and I researched a lot of the local ones and chose this one because it fits what I am looking for and it's close to home.</p><p></p><p>It's a work in progress for sure, but it's literally changed my life in positive ways in every facet of my life. I was committed to make that change so my peace of mind would not be impacted by the choices or behaviors of others, that was my initial goal. I said that when I first came on this board, that was my very strong intention............I wanted peace of mind, I wanted serenity, I wanted to feel free of this heavy load. And, it all started with ME, not difficult child.</p><p></p><p>I hope that helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 635625, member: 13542"] I think what you're talking about is probably pretty prevalent here. For me, I've had to work at it. There is a good book you might want to read called Waking the tiger, healing trauma by Peter A. Levine. It was helpful to me in letting go of trauma. In addition, any book by the Buddhist nun Pema Chodron helped me a lot, she seems to understand how to live in uncertainty and chaos and has good insights. I read ALL her books and found them very soothing. Books by Brene Brown, Daring Greatly in particular and she has a wonderful video you can access on Youtube, just look for Brene Brown, the one on Shame is fabulous. Very helpful. I look at it like this. When we repeatedly feel fear, we actually dig a new neural pathway in our brain. We have to actively dig a new one to combat that first one or every time we feel a tinge of fear we go full force down the fear highway straight in to HELL. So, how I've been doing that is by trying to retrain my responses, my reactions, my thought processes. Getting kicked in the gut repeatedly with fear from our difficult child's behaviors keeps us in that fight or fright, which is very damaging to our systems over a long period of time. I have approached this damage in a number of ways. I worked with a nutrition expert in finding vitamins, minerals and flower essences to relieve long term stress and fear. I meditate. I do relaxation exercises, or yoga, breathing exercises and definitely exercise on a regular basis. I eat well, avoiding sugar, carbs, gluten and alcohol. I've educated myself about what goes in to my body and causes inflammation which causes stress to the body. I regularly go to an acupuncturist, a massage therapist and a reflexologist. I've learned, for me, that living with mental illness for most of my life and having a difficult child has taken an enormous toll over the years, so I have to put an enormous effort into ME, into MY care and MY well being. I've researched much to come up with my own plan of action and it works. Over time, my whole system has calmed down considerably so I just don't have those same responses. It's taken a lot of work and a lot of time, but my intention was very strong to feel healthy, whole and complete and not go barreling down the difficult child highway at top speed whenever the phone rang or I received a call from a jail. For me it had a lot to do with shifting the focus off of my difficult child onto me and making me the priority. Being a reformed enabler, a codependent and a nurturer, this has been a big task, believe me, but it can be done. And, it ain't easy either. I required a lot of help and still do. I just yesterday signed up for a new women's group, lead by a psychologist.......the group is for women in transition. I like groups and get a lot out of them and I researched a lot of the local ones and chose this one because it fits what I am looking for and it's close to home. It's a work in progress for sure, but it's literally changed my life in positive ways in every facet of my life. I was committed to make that change so my peace of mind would not be impacted by the choices or behaviors of others, that was my initial goal. I said that when I first came on this board, that was my very strong intention............I wanted peace of mind, I wanted serenity, I wanted to feel free of this heavy load. And, it all started with ME, not difficult child. I hope that helps. [/QUOTE]
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