Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Past, Present, Future -- Seeking Your Collective Wisdom?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 635903" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I think the final frontier is acceptance. Acceptance of 'what is'. I believe we suffer a lot when we want things or need things to be different then they actually are, and we're dealing with our kids, so we want them to be what <em>we</em> would consider to be happy, safe and healthy.........but, often that is not what actually 'is'. </p><p></p><p>It's a hard won acceptance too, it doesn't just show up easily, we usually have to work hard at it, there's so much to let go of, including our wishes and dreams for our kids, our judgements of their lifestyles and choices, our desire to "help" and often control, our fears about what will happen to them on the paths they've chosen, our sorrows over how it's turned out...........a lot. </p><p></p><p>I didn't want to let go in anger I wanted to let go in love and release my difficult child and I into our own lives with some kind of grace. That's been a challenge and I continually practice. The last go around was different for me in that I made a conscious effort to not judge my difficult child's actions. I recognized that her actions are not what I would choose, however, she is an adult woman who can make whatever choices she wants, as long as <em>I am no longer living the consequences of those choices, </em>I practiced staying neutral and not moralizing or judging or doing or saying anything at all, just loving her. It had its moments and yet, it worked out much better for ME. It is what it is, my judgements of her lifestyle or choices has a negative impact on me.</p><p></p><p>It would be more difficult if I were living with her as some parents here are, or if she and I had more contact, but the natural progression of late has been that my difficult child and I have less contact. That may or may not change, I don't know.</p><p></p><p>The quote by the Dalai Lama that I utilize as an affirmation or intention is "Inner peace begins the moment <em><u>you choose </u></em>not to allow another person or event to control your emotions." It's a choice. A tough choice for us parents, but still, a choice.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 635903, member: 13542"] I think the final frontier is acceptance. Acceptance of 'what is'. I believe we suffer a lot when we want things or need things to be different then they actually are, and we're dealing with our kids, so we want them to be what [I]we[/I] would consider to be happy, safe and healthy.........but, often that is not what actually 'is'. It's a hard won acceptance too, it doesn't just show up easily, we usually have to work hard at it, there's so much to let go of, including our wishes and dreams for our kids, our judgements of their lifestyles and choices, our desire to "help" and often control, our fears about what will happen to them on the paths they've chosen, our sorrows over how it's turned out...........a lot. I didn't want to let go in anger I wanted to let go in love and release my difficult child and I into our own lives with some kind of grace. That's been a challenge and I continually practice. The last go around was different for me in that I made a conscious effort to not judge my difficult child's actions. I recognized that her actions are not what I would choose, however, she is an adult woman who can make whatever choices she wants, as long as [I]I am no longer living the consequences of those choices, [/I]I practiced staying neutral and not moralizing or judging or doing or saying anything at all, just loving her. It had its moments and yet, it worked out much better for ME. It is what it is, my judgements of her lifestyle or choices has a negative impact on me. It would be more difficult if I were living with her as some parents here are, or if she and I had more contact, but the natural progression of late has been that my difficult child and I have less contact. That may or may not change, I don't know. The quote by the Dalai Lama that I utilize as an affirmation or intention is "Inner peace begins the moment [I][U]you choose [/U][/I]not to allow another person or event to control your emotions." It's a choice. A tough choice for us parents, but still, a choice. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Past, Present, Future -- Seeking Your Collective Wisdom?
Top