I knew a woman where I used to work who was similarly very difficult. She was also obsessed about money. I remember she bent an earring and I offered to look at it to see if I could repair it for her - and discovered it had bent, because it was made from 18 carat gold, far too soft to be practical.
She said to me once, "I bought a painting over the weekend. But I want to know if I made a good investment. What do you think?"
I said, "I don't know. Paintings vary a great deal. It all depends on whether anyone else would want to buy it, and whether they would be prepared to pay more money than you did."
She kept saying, "But is it a good investment?"
I said, "Do you like looking at it?"
She said, "Yes, if I can be sure I will make money from it. Will I, do you think?"
Again I said, "I don't know. I don't think anybody could know."
But she still wasn't convinced. She acted as if I was trying to cheat her in some way, by pretending I didn't know about paintings.
Mind you, she didn't have it with her to show me, she didn't have a picture of it, it wasn't by anybody she or I had ever heard of, it wasn't about anything important, I had no idea if she had bought something painted by a person with talent, or some kid just doodling. And neither did she. And yet she still expected that people could tell her to the dollar how much her oil painting was worth "... because oil paintings are a good investment." And any hint from me that this was not the case, meant that I must be lying to her.
Really freaky. Because she would lie to me all the time, usually to make herself seem rich (or about to strike it rich). Then she would get paranoid, as if afraid I was about to steal her impending wealth away from her.
People who lie like this are not happy with themselves and their life as it is, and are trying to change things the quickest way they know, by convincing people that it already is different. Generally the lies they tell you are the lies that would impress them, if they were hearing it. He's "never done business with you before", because he knows that people get fed up with him in business as quickly as they get to know him. He's "always paying his bills on time" because that's what he wants you to think, even though he knows he's got the debt collectors after him. There's clearly something about his "pro sports experience" that he would value,m if you were him. Again, something about West Point and what it represents in a CV that he idolises.
Very sad, really. Because while such people hide behind the lies they tell, they never get off their rear ends and actually make any positive changes in their lives, they feel their lies will compensate for all their inadequacies.
Like my former co-worker - money was her sole focus, because in her mind, money gives you all that is of value - security, independence, comfort, safety. This told me she had come from a very unstable, very unsafe background and never wanted to even think about it, let alone risk experiencing it again. To even think about it is to accept that it happened, and I think she was in full denial, because if anyone had known about it then they would have despised her, in her mind. I suspect she was a refugee, probably immediately post-war. I've met a few and there seems to be a strong tendency in some at least, to be extremely selfish in ensuring their own survival, often as a result of things they have had to do (or consider doing) in order to survive. Some of them are lovely people, but at times their ability to detach and cut themselves off from caring about anyone else can be chilling.
As I said, it's only a few, but when I've had the opportunity to dig deep, I find a refugee who saw or experienced horrendous things often in childhood.
Of course, there can be many other reasons for someone to be a compulsive liar. But I do find them fascinating, once I've got over the annoyance and learned to take them with a large vat of salt.
Marg
