PDr accuses difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by LitlPixy, Oct 30, 2007.

  1. LitlPixy

    LitlPixy New Member

    Hello, this is my first time to post. I just wanted to vent. difficult child saw new PDr for the first time last week. She put difficult child on Vyvanse (she was on Adderall) for ADD/ADHD. difficult child was defensive and frustrated with PDr because she felt like she was being judged. So it's my turn again, difficult child goes out to the car and listens to radio while I'm talking to PDr. The next day, PDr calls and accuses difficult child of putting a large dent in the side of her Range Rover with her foot. difficult child was diagnosis with mild Conduct Disorder however she's never damaged anyone's property now has she hurt anyone. Besides she didn't know which car belonged to the PDr. It was the first time we were there! The PDr said it had to be her because all her other patients WANT to be there. That my difficult child is the only one who's been angry with her. (Which knowing my difficult child, she wasn't angry. Frustrated, yeah.) blah, blah, blah...

    So my question to ya'll is: Do your teens look forward to going to the PDr? Do they ever get angry or frustrated with PDr.?
  2. whateveryousay2007

    whateveryousay2007 New Member

    I can't believe the nerve of accusing without seeing her do it.
    How would she know the car?
  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    My difficult child refused to get out of the car several times. It was a nightmare, which is why we stopped.

    I can not see how psychiatrist could accuse with no proof! Like you would go back now!!!

  4. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I would find another psychiatrist. ant hated to go and was sullen and angry went I forced it but there was ONE man he would talk to.
  5. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    That's pretty sad..... I guess she doesn't have any patients that exhibit passive-aggressive behavior and her automobile is securely fenced off from everyone but your difficult child?

    What does your daughter say, and do you have faith in the answer?

    Teens get frustrated with-psychiatrist? roflol I've read on this board where some couldn't get them loaded into the auto to get them to the doctor, and some that if they were able to get them transported to the doctor's office -- they couldn't get them out of the vehicle and into the office. Some kids have left the doctor's office a shamble.

    Whether the accusation is true or not, I doubt much can come from this patient/doctor relationship in the future.

    Welcome to the site. :smile:
  6. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    The audacity of psychiatrist!!!!!!! Don't even get me started!

    My difficult child hates all medical professionals.........of course, right now he hates everything, so that is no big surprise.
    Regardless, going to anyone doctor, therapist, or psychiatrist is not fun.
    We do have one psychiatrist we have been seeing for 7 years, and although difficult child balks and complains, he will go see her, and respects her. It took us 10 years to find her, but she is a keeper.

    So sorry you are going through all of this.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would have hung up on him. What's a PDr anyways?
    Find somebody else to see your child, and I wouldn't pay for anything based on just an accusation. That's insane.
    My teenage daughter hated psychiatrists and tdocs and often I didn't like the ones she saw either--they'd side with her, even when she'd behave abysmally. One told us we need to trust her more. Haha. She could lie to us while looking into our eyes and not even flinch. She jimmied her window at night and ran around town. She used drugs. She stole. WE SHOULD TRUST HER AND SHE'LL GET BETTER????? We did try it for a week. Um, she had a good time taking our money while we were being lax about leaving my purse and his wallet around so she could see that we "trusted" her and, of course, SHE didn't do it. At any rate, I don't think most teens like to visit psychiatrists/Tdocs. Mine finally refused and there was no point in dragging her--she wouldn't talk to them.
  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Obviously you can't take her back. What a violation of trust to make an accusation like that. I would make a report to the medical board, as well.
  9. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I'm wondering if the call you had was simply one of a series he made, to every patient he saw the same afternoon...

    I would ask difficult child if, while she was listening to the radio, she saw anybody taking out any aggression in the car park, perhaps near a range rover (assuming she knows what a range rover looks like).

    And to assume it was a patient, and not simply a passing vandal - or maybe a neighbour who has had to deal with him before? He is someone who accuses without proof, so how many other people in the past has he antagonised?

    I'd be looking around for someone else. Unfortunately, this will only confirm in the psychiatrist's tiny little mind that he accused the right target.

    And if difficult child DID do it - how did she know which was the doctor's car? Or did she just kick in EVERY car door for good measure, to make sure she got him in there somewhere as well. I mean, would she even have been sure he drove to work? Some doctors catch buses, or get collected by car pools.

    I think he's definitely barking up the wrong tree here.

    First, he assumes it was a patient of his who did it - does he antagonise all his patients, or just the new ones? And how arrogant, to think it might be personal! Things like this happen.

    And to accuse without the tiniest shred of proof. How often does he do THAT?

    And to accuse first without thinking of the consequences of that accusation to a new patient? How caring is that in a health professional?

    Look around. Find someone else. Then talk to difficult child to see if she saw anything.

  10. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    difficult child didn't mind the psychiatrist. He used to "tell" on me. :rofl:
    Worked for me.
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Time for a new psychiatrist. :nonono:

    You'd think they'd know better than to accuse without proof. :rolleyes:
  12. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Well, I'm sure if my daughter had had a visit with therapist who frustrated her, she would have dented the door, smashed the headlights and prayed it was a convertible so she could do more damage! She would also have been quite proud of doing it and blamed the psychiatrist for her actions -- "she made me mad and made me do it!" However, she would have had to know whose car she was damaging. There is no way she would have deliberatedly damaged a car without being positive it was the right one (fairness IS important, you know!).

    Once she hit 14, there was no way I could get her to a therapist, psychiatrist or the like. I was lucky I could get her to see the dentist annually and you could forget physical checkups unless she needed it for an activity. While she was at her Residential Treatment Facility (RTF), she still refused to talk to the therapist the entire time she was there. She would sit there, answer his questions in a monosyllabic monotone. Absolutely useless besides for hearing she was the most stubborn child he had ever dealt with.

    Personally, I think a good therapist is going anger and frustrate a teen. It is frequently the only way to get honest responses, but not on the first visit. Trust has to be established first.

    I think it is time for this psychiatrist to see a therapist. Every patient likes her? If so, she's not doing her job very well, unless she is a psychiatrist and simply doling out medications. Accuses without proof? Sorry, this lady is an idiot to the nth degree. So, another vote for finding someone new. As to the damage claims, let her call the police, I'm sure they could use a good chuckle.

    Oh, and welcome!
  13. LitlPixy

    LitlPixy New Member

    Well we are definitely finding a new psychiatrist. My husband is incensed that the doctor would accuse a brand new patient. I just hate that it makes difficult child look guilty but the relationship is totally in shambles after the accusation.

    I asked difficult child about it. She was genuinely shocked that someone would do that. And no, she didn't see the doctor's car or the doctor getting out of it.

    difficult child reminded me of a lady we saw outside in her car waiting for psychiatrist (doctor was VERY late to work - habitually, I am told). The lady in the car was VERY upset that psychiatrist is always late, that she would take her son to another doctor if only her ins. pd. for it. Wondering if this lady dinged up psychiatrist's car.

    Ya'll, I just wanted to say thanks for letting me vent. This forum is truly a soft place to land for the battle weary parent!!
  14. LitlPixy

    LitlPixy New Member

    meowbunny, the beginning of your post made me smile. Had my difficult child dinged up the car, she would have been VERY proud of the fact also. She also would have felt as though she had the right do so. And you're right fairness IS important!! LOL

    Thanks for the welcome.
  15. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I have decades of experience (darn it!) amd it is of major importance to find a psychiatrist that your child does like and trust.
    It's not easy with insurance restrictions but generally it is
    possible if you become a Warrior Mom. Explore all the options.
    I drive my difficult child two hours to get to an "approved" psychiatrist that we all
    really truly trust and share. If there is not a good Doctor in
    your town...move on to the next. Good luck. DDD
  16. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    WOW! That's really something. I would think that a person who deals with children who have behavioral challenges would know to have adequate insurance on their car.

    As far as all the "other" patients want to be there? HOG WASH. Did she take a poll? I just bet 25 other teenage girls with problems remind their Mom's the morning of therapy that they HAVE to go to the psychiatrist today.

    This woman is in need of help herself. If she DID see your difficult child do it, or had a witness, or had it on tape - that would be one thing, even then I would think as a physician she would want to talk to difficult child about why she was so angry. If difficult child did do it. IF is a big word.

    And to answer your question does my kid like to go. (Rolling on the floor like a hyena laughing...oh ow...) NO. But then after 11 years of being questioned like a prisoner of war - we finally did find one man that was NOT intimidated by our difficult child. difficult child broke his chair on the third of fourth visit. I was mortified. They looked very expensive. I did offer to repair/replace it and he looked at difficult child and said "Dude, why are you so angry? Do you know what made you take out your frustrations on the chair? Can you talk to me about it a little more so I can get an idea of how to help?" and difficult child fired back with a bunch of stuff that to you or me sounded like "I )#($*)#([email protected]) HATE(#*)(#*$)(@#$) AND I #($)#(@*$ YOU)#($*)@#($* TOO @#)([email protected]#)($ doctor.

    With that - The doctor looked at Dude and said "GOOD! VERY GOOD DUDE" and it just took the rug out from under his feet. There were days when he didn't want to go, we would have to chase him and stuff him in the car or van or put him in the van and then sit by the door. But we did NOT miss an appointment because we believed that what was going on in the psychiatrists office was the only thing that helped our son. Getting him there was a small part of the battle, keeping him in session was up to the doctor and sometimes Dude just got up and left so we let him go and we sat and talked. The man was incredible. After 41/2 years of going even when difficult child was in a local Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - we took him there every week and went for family therapy 1x a week too. At the end of our time with him difficult child was opening up and finally told about the abuse he suffered. It was horrible and wonderful at the same time because we finally KNEW what had made difficult child mad for 11 years, but the best part was that difficult child finally VERBALIZED it out loud.

    The problem with it all unfortunately was that difficult child moved to a group home out of town. He was encouraged to get help elsewhere but hasn't yet. Said he would but when I talked to him - he said he just could NOT talk to one more person about what happened. That Dr. H was it. He'd go back and talk to him - but only him.

    So in the end? After years of not wanting to go - he did end up liking him and talking to him and sometimes said nothing at all and just played checkers or just sat and listened to the doctor talk.

    The important thing is for you to like who you go see, AND to make the commitment to go. If your daughter won't go, and you won't force her - then YOU go and talk to the psychiatrist in her place. I did - about how embarrassed I was that difficult child wasn't there or how stubborn he was because I am the parent yet he refused to get in the car. I found solace in the time I had with him and eventually went on my own. It made me a better parent, I learned how not to be a door mat, how to turn off my voice, how to NOT accept hitting as a communication effort, and I found my courage to do things like call the police and send a permanent and lasting message that I will be treated with respect.

    I ignored a lot - I learned how. The things I couldn't and shouldn't ignore - I learned how to do what I had to do to be the best Mom I could be. No regrets. AND it will make difficult child a little more likely to seek out help in the future.

    Good luck - welcome to the board
  17. tinamarie1

    tinamarie1 Member

    As if our kids don't get blamed with enough stuff by teachers, administrators, other kids, etc. Your psychiatrist should act as your advocate in a sense in my opinion. I could see it if the doctor saw her do it...but you don't accuse someone of something you are not sure of, anyone knows that, esp a psychiatrist!!!
  18. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    That's really weird.
    Sorry. I hope you don't have a long-term fallout.
  19. LitlPixy

    LitlPixy New Member

    tinamarie, you're right....the psychiatrist should be an advocate of sorts.

    The doctor didn't see difficult child do it, nobody saw it. psychiatrist says she's been at that office for 10 yrs and this has never happened before. She's just assuming that difficult child did it. Can you believe it?
    I think we'll leave this doctor with her HAPPY patients and find someone else.
  20. jannie

    jannie trying to survive....

    I'd be fuming with the doctor as well !! :grrr: I'd definately find a new one....Hugs

    By the way...did difficult child try the vyvanse? How is it working? My easy child/difficult child has been on it for two months and I'd love to hear some feedback. This is his first trial with a stimulant.....