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Peace among the storm
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<blockquote data-quote="newstart" data-source="post: 727519" data-attributes="member: 22416"><p><em>Recoveringenabler, Thank you for your wisdom and guidance. I read and reread the posts and information from the Borderline page and your experience. I remember when I put a halt to my daughters belligerence, it was the best thing I did for both of us. Years ago right after my son died, I did not have the strength, wisdom or what ever it took to make the madness stop. I was in such fear of losing my relationship with my daughter. I read a book that said 'Your daughter needs you as much as you need her' and that helped me with getting stronger to stop her abuse.</em></p><p><em>I do understand what you are talking about when letting go..I am doing this but on a slower rate.</em></p><p><em>I know where my longing is coming from. I have written several times that I was soulmates with my grandmother. I know the strength, love and power that comes from having a solid sisterhood. I had that with my best friend until she moved. I have a few women friends that I love dearly.</em></p><p><em>I have one sister but we do not communicate. She still holds it against me that my grandmother and I were so close, she felt left out. I never wanted her to be left out, she was a difficult child for my grandmother, very draining. My grandmother took me to Europe several times, we took trains all over the country. I feel very lucky to have experienced that kind of close love and to have that much fun. I cry when I think about my grandmother because I miss her so terribly much.</em></p><p><em>So the longing I have with my daughter comes from the missing my grandmother so deeply.</em></p><p><em>I am working on realizing that my daughter is NOT the same character as my grandmother and our connection will be different because we are 2 different people, 2 different dynamics. I know this yet I long for this. I have a wondeful husband, I love him dearly. He is a solid honest man. But he can get boring and talks about sports and scores. I just don't care about scores, what do you do with that anyway? My son could tell you what the score was to any sports game going back to the 1950s. Why would you want that information? Lately my husband talks nonstop about his stressful job and I listen to him with all my heart. Last night he said he has a stressful job but not even close to the stress go that I go through with our daughter. My husbands way of dealing with her is to ignore her and completely detatch. He says that it is working but not well because I see the hurt, grief and disbelief in his face when he finds out all the crap she does.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I am very grateful for the guidance, support, wisdom, collective experience from you and from this support group. It gives me the strength to move forward and do the right thing. The right thing is to stop the abuse and live a lifestyle of peace, harmony, laughter, love, joy and enjoy each and everyday no matter what cards we have been dealt. Thank you.<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/group-hug.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":group-hug:" title="group hug :group-hug:" data-shortname=":group-hug:" /></em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="newstart, post: 727519, member: 22416"] [I]Recoveringenabler, Thank you for your wisdom and guidance. I read and reread the posts and information from the Borderline page and your experience. I remember when I put a halt to my daughters belligerence, it was the best thing I did for both of us. Years ago right after my son died, I did not have the strength, wisdom or what ever it took to make the madness stop. I was in such fear of losing my relationship with my daughter. I read a book that said 'Your daughter needs you as much as you need her' and that helped me with getting stronger to stop her abuse. I do understand what you are talking about when letting go..I am doing this but on a slower rate. I know where my longing is coming from. I have written several times that I was soulmates with my grandmother. I know the strength, love and power that comes from having a solid sisterhood. I had that with my best friend until she moved. I have a few women friends that I love dearly. I have one sister but we do not communicate. She still holds it against me that my grandmother and I were so close, she felt left out. I never wanted her to be left out, she was a difficult child for my grandmother, very draining. My grandmother took me to Europe several times, we took trains all over the country. I feel very lucky to have experienced that kind of close love and to have that much fun. I cry when I think about my grandmother because I miss her so terribly much. So the longing I have with my daughter comes from the missing my grandmother so deeply. I am working on realizing that my daughter is NOT the same character as my grandmother and our connection will be different because we are 2 different people, 2 different dynamics. I know this yet I long for this. I have a wondeful husband, I love him dearly. He is a solid honest man. But he can get boring and talks about sports and scores. I just don't care about scores, what do you do with that anyway? My son could tell you what the score was to any sports game going back to the 1950s. Why would you want that information? Lately my husband talks nonstop about his stressful job and I listen to him with all my heart. Last night he said he has a stressful job but not even close to the stress go that I go through with our daughter. My husbands way of dealing with her is to ignore her and completely detatch. He says that it is working but not well because I see the hurt, grief and disbelief in his face when he finds out all the crap she does. I am very grateful for the guidance, support, wisdom, collective experience from you and from this support group. It gives me the strength to move forward and do the right thing. The right thing is to stop the abuse and live a lifestyle of peace, harmony, laughter, love, joy and enjoy each and everyday no matter what cards we have been dealt. Thank you.:group-hug:[/I] [/QUOTE]
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