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peculiar friend
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 699048" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>As usual Copa, Thank you, and I will have to read your response more than once! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p>Awhile back, although it was extraordinarily difficult, I chose to confront her on something she did that involved what the great majority of people would call very poor taste. Believe me, this was a humongous shock to me as she formally has always been very appropriate and kind.</p><p>Additionally, there were sort of half truths involved in that situation. It was very tough for me to do this. But, I felt that thirty years of friendship could endure a tough conversation. I told her that I thought her behavior was hurtful, that she was inappropriate and less than truthful with me. In my heart of hearts, I knew the majority of this oddball behavior was influenced by her husband. I was greatly surprised by her reaction. A curious one. She did NOT apologize. BUT, she seemed calm and appreciative of my honesty. She tried to make up for the situation (I'm sorry I'm being so cryptic) and a family member told me that she almost fainted when she realized I was responding in a positive way. (As a side note, I think she had tremendous guilt...but in my humble opinion her husband was saying what you/we did was perfectly acceptable...very long yucky story...most would NOT think so)</p><p>For awhile, things were a little better.</p><p>But, she's done a few very curious things since then. They involve social situations. And involve untruths. Since, that previous confrontation didn't result in much in terms of an apology or change, I haven't been motivated to do it again. AND, I seem to feel tremendously sorry for her.</p><p>Like a child who steals bread because they are hungry and if you were to ask them "did you steal this bread?" and if they were to lie...what to do? what to do? I know her well. She knows somewhere deep in her heart...deep down somewhere...that she is NOT getting away with any lies. And I confronted her in the past with something, with little to NO result. No, it doesn't have anything to do with me. She loves her husband. What a situation. I'm beginning to wonder about the mental stability of the man. Also, a nice person...but this is getting too strange for me to accept under any circumstances. Surely, these thoughts have crossed her mind. Surely, family members could be wondering as well. Loss of reputation on top of money problems...good grief! Someday, I might re-address some of these newer untruths with her. Might. AND, I will certainly consider immediately addressing any future ones. She WILL notice I have pulled back and that alone might cause her to avoid such behaviors. I don't know. She has been blessed with very little adversity in life. Sadly, a lot is coming in for her at once. It might be very very tough to process it all at once. So, there are issues she is undoubtedly facing personally as well. I will DEFINITELY seriously consider your idea of gently confronting her, esp if this comes up again.</p><p>PS I misspoke in my first post in this thread. I forgot that I did call her out on something. This was mostly about treating me inappropriately and somewhat about being less than honest.These recent little crazy lies...I have not addressed at all with her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 699048, member: 4152"] As usual Copa, Thank you, and I will have to read your response more than once! :) Awhile back, although it was extraordinarily difficult, I chose to confront her on something she did that involved what the great majority of people would call very poor taste. Believe me, this was a humongous shock to me as she formally has always been very appropriate and kind. Additionally, there were sort of half truths involved in that situation. It was very tough for me to do this. But, I felt that thirty years of friendship could endure a tough conversation. I told her that I thought her behavior was hurtful, that she was inappropriate and less than truthful with me. In my heart of hearts, I knew the majority of this oddball behavior was influenced by her husband. I was greatly surprised by her reaction. A curious one. She did NOT apologize. BUT, she seemed calm and appreciative of my honesty. She tried to make up for the situation (I'm sorry I'm being so cryptic) and a family member told me that she almost fainted when she realized I was responding in a positive way. (As a side note, I think she had tremendous guilt...but in my humble opinion her husband was saying what you/we did was perfectly acceptable...very long yucky story...most would NOT think so) For awhile, things were a little better. But, she's done a few very curious things since then. They involve social situations. And involve untruths. Since, that previous confrontation didn't result in much in terms of an apology or change, I haven't been motivated to do it again. AND, I seem to feel tremendously sorry for her. Like a child who steals bread because they are hungry and if you were to ask them "did you steal this bread?" and if they were to lie...what to do? what to do? I know her well. She knows somewhere deep in her heart...deep down somewhere...that she is NOT getting away with any lies. And I confronted her in the past with something, with little to NO result. No, it doesn't have anything to do with me. She loves her husband. What a situation. I'm beginning to wonder about the mental stability of the man. Also, a nice person...but this is getting too strange for me to accept under any circumstances. Surely, these thoughts have crossed her mind. Surely, family members could be wondering as well. Loss of reputation on top of money problems...good grief! Someday, I might re-address some of these newer untruths with her. Might. AND, I will certainly consider immediately addressing any future ones. She WILL notice I have pulled back and that alone might cause her to avoid such behaviors. I don't know. She has been blessed with very little adversity in life. Sadly, a lot is coming in for her at once. It might be very very tough to process it all at once. So, there are issues she is undoubtedly facing personally as well. I will DEFINITELY seriously consider your idea of gently confronting her, esp if this comes up again. PS I misspoke in my first post in this thread. I forgot that I did call her out on something. This was mostly about treating me inappropriately and somewhat about being less than honest.These recent little crazy lies...I have not addressed at all with her. [/QUOTE]
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