Pee and Pooping pants - 7 yrs old - any success stories

[adhd123]

My 7 yr old son is ADHD and anxiety - and who knows? AD? He has ALWAYS had a little poop-in-pants/holding it problem but it wasn't daily. Last year, we moved and he started a new school last Sept - he started having peeing accidents. As he adjusted, it got better and then we had Xmas break and a bunch of snow days and he's worse than ever. I just don't know what to do. SO frustrating and it just compounds his social problems.

Is this an anxiety thing? an ADHD thing? he does seem disconnected to his body in many ways. just today he didn't seem to know that he (sorry gross) had a piece of poop stuck between his cheeks. I don't get angry with him but he doesn't seem to have an motivation to stop... it makes me sad and confused and frustrated.

 

[Estherfromjerusalem]

Oh adhd123, I really feel for you. There are several of us here who have had to cope (or are still coping) with this problem, and it is really hard. We understand.

My son had it from the age of four and a half, until almost 14. He had absolutely no control over his bowels during that time, although we knew that mechanically there was nothing wrong with him.

Please forgive me, but I really can't stay on the board at the moment. But I checked in the archives (scroll down and you'll see the archives), and on page 12 is a whole thread about encopresis. Yes, encopresis is the official medical name for pooping in the pants.

I'll be back on the board tomorrow night (Saturday night) and then if necessary I'll join in. Maybe in the meantime someone else will come along and "talk" to you about it.

In the meantime, you've come to a good place, although I'm sorry that you needed to. You'll find a lot of support here.

Love, Esther

 

[susiestar]

One of the first things you need to do is to seek out a gastroenterologist to have him checked out. Some people are born with a problem where the nerves that control the bowels do not develop or develop properly. Anxiety and stress do seem to make this worse in some kids. it could be for reasons not related to the nerves but it must be at least ruled out. The docs may also have suggestions to help if it isn't that type of problem.

 

[Running_for_the_shelter]

Yeah, there's a correlation with the body control and ADD/ADHD stuff.

My son didn't have the pooping problem so much as the "what do I do with toilet paper no matter how many times Dad has told me?" issue, but he wet the bed for a LONG time. He was 9 before it really mostly stopped. When he was stressed, it would happen more. I started to wonder if he would go into Depends before his grandfather. Thank Heaven it finally pretty much stopped. It was like getting pay rise, not having to buy pull-up type items or washing his bedding all the time. Hang in there!

 

[Marguerite]

We had problems with this with both boys. We also had problems with easy child 2/difficult child 2 as well as the boys, wiping excreta on the walls. My solution was to make the kids scrub it off the walls themselves. When I couldn't find out which kid had done it, I made them take turns.

A common cause of this sort of problem in a child who you feel should be showing bladder/bowel control by this stage - sensory integration problems. You can get this with just ADHD, but what you describe - ADHD, anxiety issues and now what sounds like sensory issues - you should check out Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in some form. Look up Asperger's, see what you think.

If your child is disconnected from his body and doesn't recognise his body signals, you have to wait until his body is ready (to a certain extent) and you can also work to train his body to have the connections. There are ways to do this - conditioned response is a good way to go. But until he gets that conneciton, you will have limited success.

Example - difficult child 3 was in Pull-Ups at night until he was about 8. Every morning he would be soaked. We tried everything - restricting fluids before bedtime. No luck. Getting him up to go to the toilet ("toilet time!") when we were going to bed. Limited luck. The biggest problem, we finally realised, was that the Pull-Ups were TOO good at keeping him dry. He just didn't get the physical connection between weeing in his Pull-Ups, and the feeling of wetness.

Summer made it easier - we ensured there was a large vinyl sheet under his bedding (to protect the mattress) and put him to bed (warily!) in underpants. We had a few wet nights but he got the message.

Another option I wish we had tried - putting underpants on difficult child 3, under his Pull-Ups. He still would have got the feeling of wetness but we wouldn't have had flooded beds.

The pooping - again, we found a lot of problems with this. difficult child 1 did not have the understanding, he felt that all he had to do was apply enough self-discipline and he would never need to excrete again. He would not put it in his nappy, he would not put it in the toilet or potty. Instead, he would hold on to it. For a week or more. He would get more restless as the week progressed. It was a horrible time.

When difficult child 1 was older, well into his teens, he still needed to be reminded to go empty his bowels. He just was not aware.

With difficult child 3's bowel training - he just didn't get the connection. I kept having to go to the school to change him, clean him up. We just had to wait until he was able to make the connection. In the meantime, we developed a strategy to cope. No punishment, no shame. Just matter-of-fact management as if he had an incontinence issue beyond his control.

We actually took difficult child 3 to a specialist consultant in toileting issues. A physiotherapist who specialised in it. We found this was a big step - having difficult child 3 have the chance to talk it through with someone else, who asked him about how it felt, talked to him about sensory issues actually made him more aware, and also gave him a better sense of personal awareness and control.

No problems with difficult child 3 now. Fewer problems than we had with difficult child 1 at that age. difficult child 1 these days - not a problem.

At the risk of making a bad joke - this too shall pass!

Marg

 

[AnnieO]

We had some similar issues with Jett. For instance, being SO INVOLVED with his video games that he would go in his pants. And not notice. I don't know HOW he didn't notice.

Major issues with him wetting himself at school, and at night. Actually getting up - and urinating on the floor in the bathroom - or worse - in his bedroom (carpet...) BM complaining that he was so afraid of husband, he would poop himself when he came in her door (um, wouldn't you think it would be when we picked him up? LOL). Doing laundry, and there was a nice big brown present for me. (SUPER UGH.) We tried making him clean up, making him wash his underwear, making him take breaks from his games, arranged with the teacher that he had unlimited bathroom passes. Nothing worked. Stress made it worse.

We did discover that it was MUCH worse when he came to us from BM's. Especially noticed this after we got residential... He'd go visit on a Wednesday, and that night we wouldn't sleep, waiting for him to get up... So we could pop out of bed and guide him to the toilet.

And then we weaned him off the Concerta, when we changed his pediatrician from BM's general doctor. It turned out he was CRASHING - and could not wake himself. Still had some issues at school, but not nearly as bad. STILL had issues after visits with BM. But overall, things were better. After about a year, suddenly this wasn't happening after visits either. Phew! ...And then he mentioned BM was out of Concerta (and our doctor wouldn't write a Rx for her), and why did he have to take it when he was there? (WOW...) We also quit making a big deal of it. He still had to clean up after himself, but if he wet the bed? OK, go wash your sheets. Onyxx took a little longer, shaming him, until we finally told her - STOP - it's stressing him out and that makes it worse!

So to begin - before he was on the Concerta - it was the stress, I'm pretty sure. And then, when he was ON it, BM kept having the doctor up the dose (9mg > 27 mg > 54 mg within 6 months), so his poor body was trying to keep up.

Add in the fact that he's developmentally delayed, and it's just a huge recipe for disaster.

Every now and then he will wet himself. He just cleans himself up and goes on. But he's better at noticing.

Also, FWIW - I read an article recently about kids with ADHD and soiling issues being pretty common. I wish I could remember where.

 

[lewesmama]

I had never thought of this and like the suggestion. My son is a lovely, sweet little boy who really doesn"t seem aware that he has had an accident. I try hard to get mad because I know he doesn't do this on purpose. When he realizes that he has had an accented he lies about it. My husband becomes explosively angry regardless that there is something wrong. I told my husband if he ever demeans my little boy, our son, again then I will leave him. I think stress makes this worse?????

 

[buddy]

I had never thought of this and like the suggestion. My son is a lovely, sweet little boy who really doesn"t seem aware that he has had an accident. I try hard to get mad because I know he doesn't do this on purpose. When he realizes that he has had an accented he lies about it. My husband becomes explosively angry regardless that there is something wrong. I told my husband if he ever demeans my little boy, our son, again then I will leave him. I think stress makes this worse?????

Hi lewesmama, this is an older thread, why not go to the general parenting forum and click start new thread and introduce yourself. Many of the people below are still here and I bet they will have lots of ideas. How old is yoru child? Does he have any diagnosis? If he is not feeling it he may have some developmental issues that need assessed and you are right, getting angry is not going to help.

Looking forward to hearing more from you, Buddy

 

[Tiapet]

Like step, my young difficult child had issues with being "too busy" to get up from video games or anything that he was involved in at times BUT, he also had emotional issues that caused this. For example, he would talk to my xhusband on the phone and he would have accidents of both kinds years ago. Slowly the pee ones stopped and just the poop kept happening. He also didn't wipe well. The poop has almost gone finally (he's 13) but that has just recently gone. Once in a while if something really gets to him it will appear. Pee, well he has been known to in a blue moon still have an accident because he's too involved in what he's doing.

 

[lovelyboy]

My son is almost 9 and still get accidents in his pants....Sometimes I really think that he doesnt realize it...He truely looks surprised when there is an accident, or sometimes he thinks he had it, but not...This I can tollerate...I do get upset if I see he must go but then his stubberness kicks in and he doesnt want to...
He also told me he hates the sensory feeling when it comes out...hates the smell....and cant tollerate wiping...so most of the time I still need to do the wiping!!!!I really dont like it...he is becoming a big boy now! And he also hides his undies and it becomes smelly...I mostly do try and tell him to go and wash it...I bought him the handgloves(disposable) to use and anti bacterial soap....He does this by himself....but lately just threw it away! What a waste of money! We had different medical opinions...neuro said its manipulation...psychologist said its suppressed anger and Occupational Therapist (OT) said its sensory problems, not registering it and problems with moter planning, not being able to wipe when he cant see what he is doing....I mostly baught into the last one. psychiatrist says we need to give him a glass of water in the morning, to wake up the system...then get dressed and give bulky breakfast to try and get bowl movement before school.....
Regarding betwetting...it gets worse with increased anxiety....also, we realized we upped his antihistamine that caused him not to wake at night, so bedwetting occured....lessened the medications and problem is gone.....
Good luck with this! I know its difficult....But at least not as bad as the last few months we had with little brother who did his thing infront of difficult child friends in the playroom, carpet anywhere! Then he would mash it or spread it on the windows...or play with his toys in it! OK...this is just grose!!!!I will stop!!!!! All my apoligies!!!!! Luckily he has passed this stage!!!!! I wanted to laugh when his schoolteacher got upset because he did it infront of the toilet and not in the toilet!!!! LOL...I wanted to tell her how great it was for him to do it in the bathroom! She aint seen nothing yet!!!!! I say this again: If you havent lived with a difficult child kid.....you havent seen anything yet!!!!!