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Personal Space Question...
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<blockquote data-quote="HeadlightsMom" data-source="post: 637632" data-attributes="member: 18284"><p>Great responses, everyone! I always learn new things in this forum!</p><p></p><p>MWM --- Your experiences largely mirror ours (except my husband isn't frail - he's athletic). But our scenarios are very similar. Size, health, and noise level matter greatly in personal space.</p><p></p><p>SuZir --- Fantastic that you highlight cultural differences. Thank you for that, I hadn't considered that (so easy to be ethnocentric). But I have misstepped, myself, in different cultural settings and not realized it until later. Such an important consideration. When in Rome....</p><p></p><p>CrazyinVA --- Youch. Your dog story catches in my throat (MWM has a dog story which did same for me). Fortunately, our difficult child never did that to our dog. If he had, well.........I'm not sure I'd have let him stay. We once considered adopting another child (a 10-yo girl) through foster care, but came to learn she'd been raised in a family who practiced satanic animal sacrifices. I wish her well, but she did not come home with us. I was afraid for our dog. Oh, and you mention bedroom door kicked in -- same here. Our difficult child had a thing for threatening to break windows. Never broke them at our house, but did at school. Did/does your difficult child break windows?</p><p></p><p>LucyJ --- Good points you bring up. Perhaps I should clarify.... I'm specifically thinking of personal space boundaries during times of anger. You're right, our kids are "intimate" loved ones. But there is a difference between having a loving close-up experience and having an angry close-up experience. And you make a GREAT point about body language. Thanks for bringing that up. Body language tells so much.......whatever the distance.</p><p></p><p>** We often think/speak of boundaries as centering around actions we will or won't let difficult child's cross. But this idea of personal space is a good one to explore. I have numerous memories of our difficult child getting in my space -- very aggressively, very publicly (San Jose, CA Airport -- had to barricade myself in bathroom and contact airport security....also Busch Gardens, FL --- strange story of aggression from difficult child while we were waiting in Rhino Rally ride line in jam-packed crowd). Both times, difficult child was chest-bumping me (he was 12 or 13, very much in my face and trying to start a fist fight with me --- I did not engage and got security). Our difficult child loved to chest-bump people. Very aggressive and very much face-to-face.</p><p></p><p>This Personal Space is meant just to be about personal space during conversation. Like, consider how far apart a duo or a group standing together in a circle might stand if they were engaged in conversation. And, remember, I work in the public school system, so this was, in particular, about students and teachers engaged in conversation (lawsuits revolve around this topic, so it is explored in depth).</p><p></p><p>Thanks, again, for all the great insights, everyone! As I said, I learn so much in this forum! Appreciate it! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="HeadlightsMom, post: 637632, member: 18284"] Great responses, everyone! I always learn new things in this forum! MWM --- Your experiences largely mirror ours (except my husband isn't frail - he's athletic). But our scenarios are very similar. Size, health, and noise level matter greatly in personal space. SuZir --- Fantastic that you highlight cultural differences. Thank you for that, I hadn't considered that (so easy to be ethnocentric). But I have misstepped, myself, in different cultural settings and not realized it until later. Such an important consideration. When in Rome.... CrazyinVA --- Youch. Your dog story catches in my throat (MWM has a dog story which did same for me). Fortunately, our difficult child never did that to our dog. If he had, well.........I'm not sure I'd have let him stay. We once considered adopting another child (a 10-yo girl) through foster care, but came to learn she'd been raised in a family who practiced satanic animal sacrifices. I wish her well, but she did not come home with us. I was afraid for our dog. Oh, and you mention bedroom door kicked in -- same here. Our difficult child had a thing for threatening to break windows. Never broke them at our house, but did at school. Did/does your difficult child break windows? LucyJ --- Good points you bring up. Perhaps I should clarify.... I'm specifically thinking of personal space boundaries during times of anger. You're right, our kids are "intimate" loved ones. But there is a difference between having a loving close-up experience and having an angry close-up experience. And you make a GREAT point about body language. Thanks for bringing that up. Body language tells so much.......whatever the distance. ** We often think/speak of boundaries as centering around actions we will or won't let difficult child's cross. But this idea of personal space is a good one to explore. I have numerous memories of our difficult child getting in my space -- very aggressively, very publicly (San Jose, CA Airport -- had to barricade myself in bathroom and contact airport security....also Busch Gardens, FL --- strange story of aggression from difficult child while we were waiting in Rhino Rally ride line in jam-packed crowd). Both times, difficult child was chest-bumping me (he was 12 or 13, very much in my face and trying to start a fist fight with me --- I did not engage and got security). Our difficult child loved to chest-bump people. Very aggressive and very much face-to-face. This Personal Space is meant just to be about personal space during conversation. Like, consider how far apart a duo or a group standing together in a circle might stand if they were engaged in conversation. And, remember, I work in the public school system, so this was, in particular, about students and teachers engaged in conversation (lawsuits revolve around this topic, so it is explored in depth). Thanks, again, for all the great insights, everyone! As I said, I learn so much in this forum! Appreciate it! :) [/QUOTE]
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