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General Parenting
Perspectives - The importance of recognizing conduct disorders as lifelong issues
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<blockquote data-quote="KTMom91" data-source="post: 763544" data-attributes="member: 4040"><p>I agree, mindinggaps. My daughter was dxd in the fourth grade, was on medication, and I admit I was pretty hard on her with the logical consequences (Forgot your lunch? Guess you'll be hungry) or the time she left every single jacket/sweatshirt she owned at school and I sent her without, in December, with instructions to get her happy butt to the lost and found bin and FIND THEM, things like that. Part of that was because her father was incapable of managing his life and I was terrified she would end up like him. She is now a strong and capable young woman who handles her business with only mild anxiety. She is not on medications at this time.</p><p></p><p>Now, my husband (not Miss KT's father), who was about 40 when he was dxd, is on a seriously high dose of Ritalin and still has trouble executing. His time management skills are not the best, and his tendency to hyperfocus and then scramble to catch up is super frustrating. He forgets. A lot. When Hubby and I were in school, being dxd with ADHD or similar would get you into Special Education classes and then you were weird, so people faked competency all the time. They faked it until they couldn't make it, low wage jobs, crappy apartments, drive and determination pretty much gone because it didn't do any good anyway, and people simply existed. Hubby would have benefited from a course/program that spelled out exactly what he would need to become responsible for as an adult. The budgeting, the bill paying, the basic cooking skills, time management, all those things that we were magically supposed to know as adults.</p><p></p><p>There are options available now that were not there 50 years ago, but are we getting them out to enough kids? medications alone won't do it, and neither will therapy alone. We need to find a balance, as you said, and do what we can to foster independence, whatever that looks like for each individual.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="KTMom91, post: 763544, member: 4040"] I agree, mindinggaps. My daughter was dxd in the fourth grade, was on medication, and I admit I was pretty hard on her with the logical consequences (Forgot your lunch? Guess you'll be hungry) or the time she left every single jacket/sweatshirt she owned at school and I sent her without, in December, with instructions to get her happy butt to the lost and found bin and FIND THEM, things like that. Part of that was because her father was incapable of managing his life and I was terrified she would end up like him. She is now a strong and capable young woman who handles her business with only mild anxiety. She is not on medications at this time. Now, my husband (not Miss KT's father), who was about 40 when he was dxd, is on a seriously high dose of Ritalin and still has trouble executing. His time management skills are not the best, and his tendency to hyperfocus and then scramble to catch up is super frustrating. He forgets. A lot. When Hubby and I were in school, being dxd with ADHD or similar would get you into Special Education classes and then you were weird, so people faked competency all the time. They faked it until they couldn't make it, low wage jobs, crappy apartments, drive and determination pretty much gone because it didn't do any good anyway, and people simply existed. Hubby would have benefited from a course/program that spelled out exactly what he would need to become responsible for as an adult. The budgeting, the bill paying, the basic cooking skills, time management, all those things that we were magically supposed to know as adults. There are options available now that were not there 50 years ago, but are we getting them out to enough kids? medications alone won't do it, and neither will therapy alone. We need to find a balance, as you said, and do what we can to foster independence, whatever that looks like for each individual. [/QUOTE]
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