PETS??? Ive noticed lots here...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by shad16_12, Mar 5, 2009.

  1. shad16_12

    shad16_12 Member

    Do you find your pets have a therapuetic/calming effect on difficult child's? Adams been asking for a dog. I dont know what breed to get although i know he would like it to be at least medium sized...Of course in the state he's in now it wouldnt be fair to a dog to be brought into his stress filled existance but maybe when he's stabiized/medicated and things calm down...I know he would love it especially if it was "his". I know i would take responsibilty for caring for it too. I had dogs growing up. What are your opinions...does it make any difference or not?? Thanks
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    We have always had dogs, cats and other assorted things. We have had big dogs up until this latest little guy. If you have room for a big guy...I would look into a mixed breed shelter dog. They make the best pets. Smart loving and oh so loyal.
  3. lizzie09

    lizzie09 lizzie

    We have always had different, dog, rabbit. fish
    I find its great for all kids to have pets in the household.
    Even if they dont want to talk to you ,and I even mean the pcs ,they
    will turn to the animal for comfort,

    Just keep an eye on the difficult children as they sometimes mess too much with the animal and scare it a bit.

    I definitely would recommend cats or dogs (that suit your garden size)

    Even I get wonderful comfort from my animals....its the total innocence they portray.
  4. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    Hi! We (as many of u here know) got Bob (our cat)
    after my difficult child 3"s suicide attempt. I feel he has been a great help to difficult child 3 and my other 2 difficult children. difficult child 3 talks to Bob
    and takes care of him. We live in an apartment so
    a dog is out of the question. I would recommend getting
    a pet. Hugs Rabbit
  5. I didn't have a dog growing up so I was really hesitant to be a dog owner. I put it off for years even though I knew that a pup would be really good for difficult child as he has become more and more isolated. He loved the thera-dog days at partial and the clinicians kept on commenting on how animated he became on those days.

    In January I conquered my fears and got a very calm Whoodle (Wheaten terrier/Standard Poodle). OMG, the connection between the two is incredible. He has a couch buddy! I have not been able to use the adjective "sweet" in relation to difficult child for many years but to watch the two; his utmost attention to her needs, his calm voice and tender words is heart-melting. He simply is not miserable when she is near.

    I think it is very important that you find a calm disposition, one that is not hyper. Good luck. Go for it!
  6. eekysign

    eekysign New Member

    My sis never hurt our pets, not once---but the constant screaming and typical difficult child tantruming made it so our pets are totally PTSD. Loud noises scare them, things falling off a counter scares them, etc. Sudden movements make them run away, too.

    They're sweet and loving, and not scared of people at all (unfortunately for anyone who comes to visit us, our mid-sized dog is happily jumping all over them!) , and very happy now that Sis is away at school---but I wouldn't have done it to them, if we'd known how it would end.
  7. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Honestly, it didn't seem to matter much in the elementary school years but difficult child has really taken to my 2 sweet, calm dogs. He dog sits and is 95 percent responsible.

    It probably would be a good thing for difficult child to be around them more than once before he chooses. Visit the doggie kennel/house/rescue more than once and watch how they interact. Also, I highly recommend training classes for new pet owners so that your pet has the right type of ownership. Owning a pet can do wonderful things for a person but the responsibilities are great also.
  8. ML

    ML Guest

    Manster treats his cat like a baby. Of course the cat doesn't enjoy being held so much but he's gentle and the cat has other benefits in the home. husband spoils Mr. Kitten shamelessly.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    We've always had dogs. difficult child is particularly attached to our collie, Starbucks. He uses Starbucks for a pillow. That dog will put up with-anything. He's amazing.
    I would recommend collies, golden retrievers and otherwise very patient, medication-to large sized dogs for our kids, because these dogs will have to put up with-a lot.

    I love getting dogs from the pound, but you have to make sure they have a good temperament.

    I'm going to look up Whoodles. Funny name! Interesting mix.
  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Growing up in my parent's house was absolutely NUTS and we had many MANY pets over the years, despite the fact that some of us (me) were highly allergic. I think all the animals and the various ways in which they loved us unconditionally helped me get through many situations.

    Shortly after difficult child started having rage attacks and we had started family counseling, we started looking for an animal I could tolerate with my asthma. We bought a siamese cat, but it ended up having linx in it's family line and I nearly ended up in the ER. We returned the cat and began researching dogs. After much research and actually visiting a person who owned one, we settled on a Cairn Terrier, small but sturdy and lots of fun! We went on to have 3 of them and now have two. We also have a Yorkie (easy child's) - so our house is similar to a circus at times with the three little dogs running and jumping around.

    I think having pets has helped difficult child, as well as easy child, H and me, to cope and get throught some very trying times.

    I echo the comment made about keeping a close eye on difficult child when he's around the dog. I caught my difficult child swatting our first cairn with a paper towel roll because he wouldn't stay on her bed with her. Eventually, we were able to teach her that while the dog is 'hers', he is also his own little being and needs to have his own space and privacy at times. She got it and we have just kept an eye on her. She occasionally says mean things about our oldest dog, but it's mostly because Nala is very independent and hates to be coddled but she never hurts any of the dogs. Her dog, Sophie, loves to be coddled, so she always just goes along with difficult child in whatever the plan is, lol.

    Have fun finding the right pet for your family!
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ohhhhh, Whoodles and Wheaten Terriers are adorable! I think we have our next dog! Now, to find a breeder close to home ...
    And $500 or less. (Gosh, some of the ads were over $1,500 not incl. shipping. That's the kind of $ I spend on education.)
  12. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hi Sonja--

    When our difficult child was about six, we went and got a dog because we thought it would really help. She would have a pet to love and cuddle with and she would learn some responsibility by helping to care for it.

    It did NOT go the way that we hoped. We got a very calm, good with kids collie mix....but difficult child managed to scare him anyway. She was not nice to him....pushing him over, shoving him, pulling his legs and tail, putting him in choke-holds etc. etc. The dog was very frightened around her and tried to steer clear of difficult child whenever possible.

    Surprisingly, though, I found that the dog was very good for ME. It has been a great stress-relief over the years just to be able to take him on long walks...or cuddle with him in front of the television at the end of a hard day.

    So I would say....if you decide to get a dog--make sure that it is something YOU want. I would not let the decision rest solely on the child.

  13. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    No. It's been like having two difficult child's in the house instead of one. :tongue:
  14. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    If it's a pet you need, I'm pretty sure I can find you a kitten for free. :peaceful:
  15. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I have an idea. Why not contact a local foster dog agency in your area and offer to "foster" a dog. With the economy the way it is many people are giving up their animals and pets at an incredible rate. Some rescue groups are just overwhelmed and want to try to save lives - but have no more resources.

    Most foster groups will provide vet care, food, etc. and you provide socializing and car rides to and from adoption events.

    We have 2 dogs of our own, raising our sons dog (our lovely little Princess), and took in the neighbors dog after we couldnt witness the abuse any longer. (he's also for adoption but Canada would be a long long ride and he'll need a very quiet home)

    As to difficult child and the dog? At some point we considered finding them homes because difficult child's behaviors were SO benign. Our dogs took almost a year after Dude was out of the house to return to normal. Now they are all best friends and brothers and Dude is VERY good with them. When he lived here? Not so much. It was always a struggle and a jealousy with any attention we paid to our furkids.

    I think in some ways having the dogs write difficult child in the hospital or Residential Treatment Center (RTC) was helpful - it kept him connected to the family. This - after being bitten in the face and having his nose broken by our Pit bull. So we've come a long way. He also fell in love with one of the rats I had. Fat Albert. Albert had issues, and problems and being a 3lb rat did not help. But oddly enough out of all the rats? Albert was Dudes. Every visit he took time with him. We were sorta surprised with this, but pleased. We also have a rescue cat that someone threw away in a dumpster - he loves the cat. He has NEVER made even the slightest hint of abuse towards the cat. She was really damaged and introverted.

    Another thought is to take your son to a local shelter and let him volunteer to clean up, fix food, groom and walk the shelter animals. All dog pounds here love for anyone to spend time with the animals.

    Good luck -
    woof woof meow...
  16. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    The longest I've ever been without a pet has been about 1 year - in my entire life. Grew up with pets, have always had a pet of some kind around, so don't really know how it would be without one. My sister is very involved in showing, obedience etc. and breeds dogs so I'd have to say we're very pro pet LOL.

    It can help, but make sure you go into it realizing that the pet will probably actually be YOUR pet in the end, no matter how much the kids want one and how much attention they pay to it, it usually ends up on the parent to do most of the care. IF you're looking at a dog, research any breed you look at, especially for temperament. Try get one that is very calm and patient. We got out last dog from the SPCA, and she can be hyper and barks a lot. This drives difficult child crazy. Would not pick one like her again, though she's part of the family now. Just a bit like having another difficult child around sometimes :faint: This is not to say pound puppies can't be great. Before our current dog, we adopted an older cocker spaniel x from the pound, and she was a fantastic dog. We had her during some of difficult child's worst years, would put up with just about anything. Had her for 3 years and she developed a weird skin disease they couldn't fix that was raw and painful, so had to put her to sleep. I still tear up over her, she was a wonderful dog.

    Maybe check this list of medium dogs. When you click on the breed it gives you the AKC description, temperament near the bottom usually. Some of the smaller "large breed" (perhaps a golden someone had mentioned) would fit too. If you see a dog you think might fit your family, research that breed. For example I've always liked the look of a Clumber Spaniel, which I think has a good laid-back temperament. However reading a breeders site, she was very honest about how much work a clumber puppy would take, as they LOVE to chew and can be destructive that way and take a lot of vigilance to make sure they don't destroy furniture and eat parts LOL. Not for me LOL.
  17. Stef

    Stef Dazed and Confused

    We have 2 cats, a dog, a hamster, and two fish tanks- one for livebearer's, and the other for Tiger Barbs.
  18. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Wee difficult child goes thru periods where he rough with the dog, but he's not incredibally violent with them anymore (or we wouldn't have them). When he gets rough, we just remove them and put them in easy child's room for a while.

    Most of the time he's great with them, and he loves his nutty jack russel (who shares the lego obsession with difficult child...grrrr...)

    Our best dog was a giant labrador, tho. He could put up with literally anything - even on his death bed, he tolerated difficult child.
  19. shad16_12

    shad16_12 Member

    the safety of the pet would never be an issue because ADAM is very sensitive, caring and gentle...unless your name is Shawn...and your a major button never get it assuming he would take sole responsibility be sabotaging myself...I just think it would give him something else to focus on sometimes than pacing in circles....I really like the cockapoos (cocker spaniel and poodle) or the labradoodles (lab and poodle)...we'll see people do charge alot for them. I did even contact a rescue and they want $375.00 for any dog plus $100 deposit for spay/neutering which they give back once you have the operation done.

    **Star**--Put bulls are banned here in Ontario which is a sin because they either put them down or ship them out of province if they find you with one even mixed breed and they think its born after 2005...thank for all your input Sonja
  20. I highly recommend pets. They are for me as much as difficult child and easy child. I'm a huge dog lover anyway and can't live without one.

    Depending upon the child's age, I agree that a mid to large dog is good. Our lab mix is the best thing in the world. We have a little toy spaniel (not that small - still 20 pounds). Biggest issue is that difficult child can pick the dog up and down; he's not cruel; but can be rough on him - and he's 13.