difficult child has this therapist convinced that I was breathing down his neck every second and never let him out of my sight even after he'd go months being a easy child and that's what drove him to break the law on every occasion. Never mind that he sat there and admitted that he would not be where he was supposed to be MANY times when he'd go out with friends and not come home on time. Never mind that every time he broke the law, with the exception of the last one, he had been with peers. There are a few other things, too, but I won't list them all. She says she does not think he'll do these things again because she does not see anti-social tendencies in him. (I suppose she thinks that a kid is either a easy child or anti-social and those are the only two options.) I said that no decent parent is going to let a young teen go out and do whatever they want without knowing where the kid is and what they are doing- especially one on parole who has done things that difficult child has done. therapist said "well, you can't keep your eyes on him 24/7". I said "no, I can't, but that isn't wwhat I said". She said I should let him go out a couple of hours at a time and it was unreasonable to expect to know what he was doing all the time. I told her to try explaining that to his PO, a GAL, and a judge. I agreed that he was old enough to set his own schedule about getting homework and shower and chores done - then I said I probably would set a "lights out" time though on school nights. She said "No, she didn't think he needed that- she thought he was old enough to let natural consequences take there course if he didn't do what he was supposed to or didn't make good decisions with friends and how he spent his time". I told her that if he's supposed to have the freedoms of an 18yo and do whatever he wants, that I was not willing to take legal or financial responsibility for his actions any longer so the only way I saw for everyone to be comfortable with this was for me to talk to go to the judge and see if I could sign it away. She said "Oh, I'm not saying that". Well, what is she saying? We had to end then- we're having another session in 2 weeks but she said she'll call me the middle of next week to discuss this. She said she was sorry I was frustrated because she thought we had been on our way "to negotiating the terms of difficult child coming home". I'm sorry, but who the heck else is going to negotiate every little thing like this for a kid who has done all difficult child has done and Department of Juvenile Justice would not expect anyone else to negotiate it. I said this was all in the past to her and difficult child and they wanted it all forgotten but I'd like to remind them that I am STILL paying $4000 of restitution, had to pay almost $900 to his school, and am still suffering consequences for his actions that he did when I gave him privileges. difficult child said "I didn't say it was ALL your fault." Hummphhh... "Well, difficult child, then what really did cause it all? Do you recall at all telling me that friends had hurt your feelings or that you were trying to get other kids to think you were cool or that you thought this would make others want to play with you?" He says "yes, but they only didn't want to play with me because they thought his mom was too strict". HELLO...telling you to call me when you get to A's house and not wanting you to play with fire or hang out with kids who are cutting themselves or running off to a major highway out of the neighborhood is not too much to expect. therapist: what I hear you saying difficult child is that you would not have done those things if your mom would have let you have more privileges to begin with. And trust me here- she isn't saying this like she's trying to get a point across to him- she's looking at me like she's trying to get me to see that expecting that from him drove him to it or something. I don';t know- I just think he has himself convinced of this and has her snowed. Oh- somewhere in there difficult child said that everyone agreed he did very well when in secure environments. I said "yes, and why is it that he always did well in places like that but not at home if I am the cause of all this- which place is stricter, home or in there? And did anyone see them unlocking the door to let him go do whatever he wanted when they are responsible for him? But every time he comes home he does fine for months but for whatever reason, he gets a change in attitude, becomes a different person, and ends up breaking the law again the same time of year for 4 years straight and I'm supposed to believe that I, the one who gives you way more privileges than you get in here, am so strict that this is causing the problem. BS- I don't buy it". Well, apparently the therapist does. difficult child looked at therapist and said "she just wants me to go to a group home". I said "I want to get to the root of the problem and I don't think we are there but (looking at therapist then), I can see he has you convinced that I just kept him under my thumb and that's what caused all this. I am not in agreement with that". difficult child said "what difference does it make". I said "because I don't want a repeat". therapist says "I don't think there will be a repeat". So, that's how it is left- my gut tells me she will recommend difficult child not be released to me so he'll either go to a group home- which is doubtful because I can't see Department of Juvenile Justice paying for it when they don't feel he needs it for rehabilitative purposes and everyone knows my bro wants him, so that means DSS, which means my bro. They all think difficult child is a easy child- I told her she didn't know what it was like to have to explain all this when a GAL and PO are looking at you saying "why didn't you know where your kid was and that he was doing this"? Anyway...I do not think my expectations were unreasonable for a kid who was 11-13 yo during almost all of this. He had just turned 14yo when he was turned over to Department of Juvenile Justice earlier this year. I simply cannot let this kid come home with him thinking he can tell me that I need to let him do whatever he wants or he'll break the law again and it will be my fault for not letting him do more. Yet, he'd break the law anyway because everyone is convinced it must be me causing it and difficult child thinks no one is going to hold him accountable. I know my difficult child and that's exactly where this would lead.