Plan B In the Explosive Child

[Confused]

Hello everyone. Before I start my rambling on as usual,I wanted to thank everyone here! Also,my son is almost 6, so I will have to move over to General Parenting in a month. Not only is he growing older, I will miss everyone here-although most of you post there as well . OK, lets start how he's been acting. He is still hard to get moving,very talkative (although his speech is still hard to understand,yes still in speech.)He does not bite himself,but still gets angry,slams doors,says he hates us,makes mean threats to us like" He want to hit us" , "he doesn't care if we get hurt or sick". He also spits on us and will throw his toys/misc on occasion when mad. Like I mentioned before, when someone accidentally bumps into him, he will bump us or hit us yelling we shouldn't have done that to him! That we did it on purpose,when we tell him it was an accident, he calls us lier's. He is very demanding ( i know all kids can be,but he does not give it up) and when he does this my father and him but heads! In school he keeps getting in trouble for talking, or one time he kept "rolling" around on his mat during nap time. He got his Show and Tell taken a way after these two days, (as i told him he could not go out and play or use the computer for getting in trouble at school-follow up at home too.His teachers keep asking me to do so,I agreed. He said something mean about the teacher ( cant remember what he told me now) but he still seems angry,and doesn't want to listen. He does have some times where he is a whole other child,helps me with dishes, sits on my lap,when I am reading to him,offers his stuff or food to us.Its amazing! OK,took him to the Dr Tues for a severe cough that kept him up all night. Dr said allergy/maybe end of a cold/throat infection. Gave him a Cough prescription with Codine in it. Wow,all that day before and after the codene he was so sweet! The next morning,sweet,By the after noon,I guess he was immune to the Codine, cuz his old self was back. Anyway,Plan B. I have always allowed my kids to give/make/alter etc their decisions. I am trying to do so even more with my son. I will ask him" How do you feel about.."Let him reply, and I ask him" what do you think will help" etc. I know its a slow process, and they have to learn from their own mistakes or achievements for the most part. Is this the best way, do I keep at this plan? I think you mentioned it to me before. I made a coment to his pediatrician Dr again about his attitude and that his teachers would enjoy the quite time from the codine because at times he is a handful. He just gave me a "sarcastic look". He's a great Dr, but, you all are right, for the issues I'm having, he just doesn't understand or believe me. I'm going to really put extra strength into helping my son,and meanwhile get a job,and gather all I can until get insurance for someone else to see him.The school said they do not see a problems with him- yet. Hes just more talkative and behind on a few things. Sorry so long!!!!

 

[TeDo]

Thanks for the update. Absolutely keep working Plan B with him. It IS a long process but you will get there.

Another book I FINALLY read, because Susiestar has recommended it is "What Your Explosive Child Is Trying To Tell You" by Dr. Doug Riley. This book will put your son's "issues" into perspective for you to help understand him. To me, it is an eye-opener. I don't think like that but it makes sense for my difficult child 1.

Have you requested in writing a FULL evaluation for Special Education services? If not, do it ASAP. The speech issues alone might just qualify him.

Keep plugging away and keep digging and keep asking questions here. I have learned a LOT from these wise warriors....enough that I am still SANE!!!

 

[Confused]

TeDo,
Ok, I will keep on it and get that book! He is in private school,so no Special Education. I spoke with his then Pre-K teacher when he was with her,as well as the Nurse,Principal and Secretary about his issues. They also could tell because he would be mad sometimes after his tantrum( also he was late many,many times) or just mad. So, they all agreed if they saw anything "odd" or thought something was too much they would let me know.His then Pre-K teacher knew "signs" of something "off" because her child or niece, is Autistic or some other issue. ( another parent/my friend told me) and both her and his now kinder teacher has actually worked with special needs children. So, that helps a little. When he gets in trouble with his speech teacher,she tells his Kinder Teacher who tells me, and we all work together. I will bring it up with his speech teacher again,in fact I need to call her tonight.He's been home sick,came home early today and asleep on the couch from the codine medication. Poor baby Thank you, Im not giving up!

 

[TeDo]

Does the private school receive any government money? Unless it is a "specialty" private school and/or they don't receive ANY government money, I believe they are still governed by IDEA. Don't quote me on this. You might want to check Wright's Law website or start a different thread in SpEd 101 asking if anyone knows about IDEA and private schools.

Glad you're going to keep plugging away. What has me nervous is that THESE teachers are helping but there is NO guarantee the next several teachers are going to.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Keep plugging away and keep digging and keep asking questions here. I have learned a LOT from these wise warriors....enough that I am still SANE!!!

And I'm... NOT. Which is why they call me Insane.
But I didn't have these wise warrior moms to help me when we were in the trenches 5 and 10 years back. (didn't fall into this site, somehow, until recently).
If I had... maybe I wouldn't be so insane right now.

Partly tongue in cheek, I know, but partly serious - hang in here, bounce stuff off the rest of us, vent when you need to... none of us want others to have to learn all the lessons the hard way!

 

[Confused]

TeDo,
It's a Catholic School, but I know they have a lunch program from the government. But they do not have any Special Education classes or programs in any of their schools. I know, so far I have been lucky! Some of the older grade teachers like third and fifth,are really good,just like the two so far. Two of these four teachers came from the other Catholic school when they closed their doors.Long story on that! I could ramble just on how wrong that was,and the way we were notified! Uggh,anyways, very true!

 

[Confused]

InsaneCdn,
Very good point on your name It does drive us insane sometimes! But, yes, I have felt so much better since being on here. You all understand. Its amazing how you all havent even met my son or watched him in action, and yet, you all understand.Only my best friends understand,while another one just says he is just fine. ( even though she came many times during his violent 3 hour rages to help me calm him) I try to respond to others but I am still confused myself! You all have good advice and know what to say! I still have a lot of learning to do,but maybe one day soon, what I have learned through you all,(ill sneak in here sometimes lol) books,myself and my son,he will get better or at least not get worse.

 

[Allan-Matlem]

Hi,

Successful Plan B usually takes place out of the moment when there is a good feeling and connection. it is means being able to keep the conversation going and use probing questions - drilling down. If the problem is too emotive maybe we can talk about a situation involving other people. He seems to be a black and white thinker - not taking the perspectives of others , seeing the possibility of interperting actions in different ways - Myrna Shure - raising a thinking preteen

a more direct approach Plan B would go like this

I have noticed that when I or dad bump into you it makes you mad - what's up ?
take time to just hear him , reflecting back what he says

Because you say , it hurt, gave you a fright , uncomfortable - does it then feel like it was done deliberately ?

yes

can you think of a reason why we would like to bump into you ?

how do you think we can make sure that we don't bump into each other ?

if we happen to bump into each other , how can we respond
even if it is an accident, we are still sorry and we should try to be more careful about it


you can talk about ' giving people the benefit of the doubt where one can interpret things in different ways , why it is good for both parties - keeps you calm , does not allow you to get upset and helps friendship and good feelings between people
I recommend complimenting CPS - Plan b with RDI relationship development relationship see rdiconnect etc RDI focuses on skills building by collaborating around daily activities in a ' thinking' way

mentors , older brothers, buddies etc also promote thinking

Parenting is Learning

 

[buddy]

wow, somehow I missed your post.... so sorry. I do try.

I smiled when I read about how your difficult child acted when sick. when my son is a little sick, he is a crab. but when he is really really sick, he is like the child I never had before. I can nurture him, cuddle him, he is sweet and of course part of that is he usually sleeps a lot when THAT sick. So how awful is it for me to say I kind of enjoy those times... not how he feels, but how we can relate.

You are doing great. Hang in there and keep posting for ideas... I know it is my sanity too.

 

[Confused]

Alan-Matlem,
Thank you for your reply! I do see what your suggesting, I will look into this and try it! Thank you

 

[Confused]

buddy,
Ah no worries! Yes it is sad to say,but its true! Its like "who are you and what have you done with my son" type question! When we have those moments, its so wonderful! Thanks, hopefully we both can keep our sanity lol